To be slightly hurt by this?

[AHypnotistCollector]

I was recently bridesmaid at my best friends wedding. I live abroad and it cost myself and DH a considerable sum to attend the wedding. I also paid for my own shoes, hair, nails and did my own make up.

The bride and groom stayed with us for part of their honeymoon and mentioned that the groomsmen were all getting presents, some of them very expensive.

I must have done something wrong to not get anything, or even a thank you card. I hope that doesn't sound grabby but I honestly would have been happy with a bottle of wine or chocolates and a card. Because of the time difference I wasn't involved with much of the planning but I did express guilt about that and offered to help with things when I was back in the country prior to the wedding. I would have been fine with her picking others to be BM (I was the only one) My friend assured me that it was fine and she understood childcare difficulties etc.

I feel like I must have been a terrible bridesmaid and am second guessing everything I did! Should I ask her if I did something wrong or just leave it?

Did any of the other bridesmaids get a gift? If she didn't mention one you shouldn't have assumed. Yes, it would have been the nice thing to do but you shouldn't have expected anything.

You're not wrong to be hurt - crap bride behaviour. But YWBVU to mention in. Best to breath in and move on.

There were no other bridesmaids. I wasn't assuming I would get one, it's only when they mentioned about shopping for the groomsmen that I was a bit hurt.

In the grand scheme of things I guess it's not a big deal. I shall move on and not say anything!

when my (loaded) cousin got married in a 3-day extravaganza, my DD and D Niece and Nephew hoped to be part of the day they were initially told in no uncertain terms they wouldn't be part of the ceremony.

Cousin then changed her mind.

Children were delighted.

The groom had all his best mates + DNephew as ushers. Poor kid was sent outside the marquee to "watch out for when the bride approached" while all the "real" friends were bonding with him by the 'alter' (it was a humanist thing). Every time he popped back in, they sent him out again to stand around on his own (age 12).

Cousin said that the "thank you" for them being bridesmaids was... the dress (which we would have been happy to have paid for. As a thankyou, it meant NOTHING to the girls). The girls were used during the speeches to hand out gifts to the other bridesmaids and various other people (they would have been thrilled with a set of stickers!). They got nothing, and weren't mentioned during the speeches.

The cousin is a mother now. At some point we will have a conversation. I can bide my time!

How awful for those kids Fatmomma!

I think for me I'm just more worried she thinks I did a terrible job and she doesn't want to say anything.

I think you could either bring it up with her, saying you feel hurt or let go of it.

Slightly off topic but I had bridesmaids who did a horrific job. Seriously, they got pissed, one was dry humping on the dance floor, did nothing to help, put 3 stone on before wedding then turned up in a white dress to the reception...

They got (expensive, but undeserved) gifts, However, the best man got a tie pin. I think it's got fuck all to do with your performance and everything to do with the bride

When did the others get their gifts? Usually it's after the speeches.

I don't think you did anything, they're being very rude.