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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off?

40 replies

flixybelle · 19/08/2015 20:14

As you no doubt are aware tomorrow is GCSE results day.
My sister is due to get her results and is absolutely terrified she has had a difficult high school experience and missed nearly 3 full school years due to ill health and operations.

Last year she worked really hard and all being well will get some good grades but the school she was at has just been ofsted graded at a 4 from a 2 and the big gaps in education could well mean she won't get the grades she needs to do A levels.

My mum's home is chaotic and noisy so my sister spends a lot of time at my house is probably here more than she is at home. I also attended her parents evenings and fought with her school to allow her to do the subjects she wanted to. To get some peace and quiet she moved into my house full time for 3 months prior to and throughout her exams. I supported her, helped with coursework and revision. Ensured she ate/slept well, got to exams and helped her through middle of the night/early morning panics etc etc. My husband (who is a teacher) did loads of revision sessions with her timed exam papers etc

Anyway today my sister has been moody and rude and generally a stroppy teenager. My step dad(they have a rocky relationship) got really cross at this behaviour and sent her to her room at 4pm. My sister was supposed to be staying at my house tonight we were supposed to chill, get a takeaway and then go get her results with my mum and another sister first thing. My mum/stepdad have said due to her behaviour she can't come round tonight and they are taking her in the morning and I can meet them later. AIBU to be throughly pissed off at this?I think that mum/stepdad should just suck up the stroppy behaviour given the reason behind it and a 4 hour stint in her bedroom is sufficient.

OP posts:
Savagebeauty · 19/08/2015 20:17

Yes I think they're being very mean

pictish · 19/08/2015 20:17

I think it's up to them. You weren't there and don't know just how stroppy and rude she was.
I don't think you get to decide how your mum disciplines your sister, no.

In short - butt out.

pictish · 19/08/2015 20:18

P.s You do sound like a lovely sister though so kudos for that.

Sirzy · 19/08/2015 20:19

I think they are being unfair on her. She is probably shitting herself about her results so they need to be a bit more patient than normal really

Trumpton · 19/08/2015 20:20

I think I would probably just rock up and take her home with me. But I have a bad relationship with my family so not the best person to give advice.
You seem to have been acting in loco-parenting for the last three months so keep on with it.

Singsongsung · 19/08/2015 20:20

Sent to her bedroom at 4pm at 16?? Am I the only one a bit Shock at that??

Trumpton · 19/08/2015 20:21

Loco-parenting ? Wtf ? Why does my iPad think it knows better than me ! Loco-parentis.

Theycallmemellowjello · 19/08/2015 20:22

YANBU - regardless of whether this is an appropriate punishment in itself (probably not, especially given what a stressful time this is), it's not ok for them to ruin your evening at the same time. Good luck to your sister.

Supermanspants · 19/08/2015 20:22

I can understand why you are pissed of but results aside there is no excuse for rudeness and it is up to her parent(s) to discipline her as they see fit. That said, it may be that the way your sister views/interacts with her mum and stepdad has changed. Perhaps there may be a loss of respect manifested in her being rude to them given that she spends more and more of her time with you.

WhitePhantom · 19/08/2015 23:26

I don't know about them sucking up the stroppy behaviour - it's up to them how much they'll take and how they discipline her - but what strikes me is that they're punishing YOU for her behaviour!

Whatever about not allowing her stay with you tonight, but to exclude you from going with them for the exam results is really mean.

SarahLinden · 19/08/2015 23:30

That's really mean - the poor girl is anxious so they should be comforting her. I'd be confronting the stepfather on her behalf.

CJCreggsmyhero · 20/08/2015 00:00

My paranoid experienced self would suspect the grounding to be on purpose.

Most teens are anxious before GCSE results, quite normal for them to be difficult buggers.

If stepdad and mum are trying to take control and glory, smile and don't engage. When they've polished their halo, grab your sister and your DH and all jump for joy. Hope you are very proud of the support you've shown her Flowers

Original poster
flixybelle · 20/08/2015 00:28

Thank you for the replies, I am appreciate them. Especially the nice comments. I remember how difficult studying for GCSE'S amongst the chaos was and although I did well it drove me out of the house (and out of education for too many years) and I don't want this to happen to my sisters so try to get them through until they can get to uni.

I too felt that the grounding was very suspect timing my step-dad likes to control things and is annoyed because she asked me to take her.
Usually I try not to get involved if they punished her (even if unfairly) but just felt that the day/night before exams parents would be expecting this sort of behaviour and on this occassion should be have understood.

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 20/08/2015 00:29

Echo everyone else's comments and just wanted to add Best Sister Ever. Seriously. You are lovely. Take her for lunch tomorrow, either to celebrate or commiserate. It sounds like, thanks to your support, it will be celebrating.

Flowers

I will be thinking of her.

MammaTJ · 20/08/2015 06:41

I think you have been deliberately shit out if this by your step father.

You have been a fabulous and supportive sister. Well done for that.

Good luck for great results! I hope for an update later!

MammaTJ · 20/08/2015 06:42

I meant shut out but shit out says it! Grin

SarahLinden · 20/08/2015 10:26

I hope your sister is happy with her results, OP.

G1veMeStrength · 20/08/2015 10:29

Your stepdad sounds horrible tbh.

I know what you mean about being driven out of education... I am glad your sister has you and I hope she gets good results.

Rhine · 20/08/2015 10:42

She's probably being stroppy and rude due to stress and worry over her results. Sending a 16 to her room at 4pm?! She's 16, not 10 ffs.

They don't really have the power to tell her what to do anymore.

YellowDinosaur · 20/08/2015 10:51

I'd turn up at their house, all bright and breezy, in time to go and get her results with them, if I were you. I'd be fucked if I'd let her think you don't care. Might be too late now though...

Hope she's happy

UrethraFranklin1 · 20/08/2015 10:52

Of course they have the power to tell her what to do, she is a child living in their home supported by them. Don't be ridiculous.
Bad behaviour has consequences.

paulapompom · 20/08/2015 10:58

Poor girl is probably terrified, dosent excuse bad behaviour but helps explain it. I think some young peoplewwould have just dropped out of education and blamed the circumstances. Hope she gets results that make her happy. Yes you are a super sis Flowers.

paulapompom · 20/08/2015 11:00

Be nice to hear how she did. -nosey-

BitchBags · 20/08/2015 11:32

Your step dad sounds like an arse and sounds exactly like my mother! Fwiw I ran away 3 months after getting my gcse results and haven't seen her for 7 years.
You sound like a lovley sister. I hope your Dsis got the results she was hoping for and I hope you were able to be there to share it with her Flowers

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 20/08/2015 12:49

How did it go OP?

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