AIBU?
To think women can't win when it comes to having a baby
warrengandnatedogg · 19/08/2015 18:59
I recently got pregnant at the age of 33 (34 when baby is born) at a time in my life when I've been with my partner over 6 years, thankfully in good health, on the property ladder, steady job, no debt, etc etc.
I have been told that I'm "so young! Are you sure you're ready?" by one family member and also asked three times by another "aren't the doctors worried about you being an old mum?".
I mean, it's objectively a pretty good time in my life to have a baby and socially at least (graduate, in a city) I could not be more average if I tried!
I was just reading this in the Independent: www.independent.co.uk/voices/for-men-its-always-the-right-time-to-have-kids-in-the-eyes-of-society-for-women-its-the-opposite-10462576.html
...and it feels like women can't win can they? Do people just want something to have a go at us about?
at 26 - I must have been sugar21 · 19/08/2015 19:54
Works both ways I was 18 when I had dd1 and the sneery looks and comments I got were awful. Even the midwife told me I was too young to have my daughter. Ok I was young but not the youngest ever to conceive or on the maternity ward as there were 2 under 16's one of whom had twins. Still didn't make me a bad Mother just because of age.
Age is just a number, if you are young enough or old enough to concieve ignore the comments
warrengandnatedogg · 19/08/2015 19:57
To be fair, I think the young comments (there were two actually) are just people who haven't adjusted how old I am in their heads with the passing of time! It might be because DP is more than 10 years older than me and I was 27 when we got together, so you know what some people are like, I'm still 27 to them. It just shows you how subjective age is to people I guess.
poppies haha that's brilliant, like you only had a couple of years left...
MidniteScribbler · 20/08/2015 03:43
Try being a single parent. I was 35, DS was donor conceived, but I kept coming up against the stigma of single parents. The day after DS was born, and I was going through the discharge paperwork, the woman actually said 'so let's get you on contraception, you don't want a mistake like this to happen again'. The health nurse tried the 'well you'll have to consider some training so you'll be able to get a job when your benefits run out'. They really had no idea. The midwife who came for a home visit the day after DS was born said 'did your mother clean this house for you, people don't normally keep rental properties this tidy' (My mother is dead and it's my own home). Bloody stereotypes, people just can't see past them.
Hamiltoes · 20/08/2015 04:06
Really Sugar? I'm suprised the midwife said that to you.
I fell pregnant with my first at 17, even though I had a good job as an apprentice engineer and was a homeowner the sneering looks and horrible comments I got were awful. I went back to work when DD was 5 months because I couldn't take being out with her in the pram and the assumptions that I'd had the baby to get benefits and a council house.
The one person who was actually brilliant was my midwife! I had to go in and be seen every 2 weeks for checkups because I was deemed a high risk, to which the midwife claimed "utter nonsense, I wish every pregnancy was as straightforward as the 17 year olds, you have the best body and health you're ever going to have!!" Haha. Maybe she was just humouring me but it certainly cheered me up a bit.
Op yanbu, you can't win!!
Eebahgum · 20/08/2015 06:56
Brace yourself - there's more to come. In my experience pregnancy, birth and child rearing are things people happily spout their ridiculous and conflicting opinions on. once read a hilarious post on how every single decision we make is wrong in someone's eyes. On a similar vein I was the same age as you with ds1 and although fully aware I was an older mum was shocked when my consultant commented "you've left it a bit late haven't you?"
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