Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to want a 3rd child?

22 replies

Yourfriendlytealady · 19/08/2015 12:46

I am 32 dh is 34 we have 2 dc 7 and nearly 2 and one of each. We live in a 3 bed house and I really really want another child. My head says no not a good idea but my heart is aching!

The complication is I don't want to move but my eldest has asd and needs his own space! Would I be ruining the life of my current dc to have another.

OP posts:
Lightbulbon · 19/08/2015 12:49

Will you be able to extend or move to a 4 bed in a few years?

Original poster
Yourfriendlytealady · 19/08/2015 17:37

Hi no prob not to be honest x

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 19/08/2015 17:40

Well realistically, if you have a child of the same gender as your eldest, they're going to have to share a room with him/her after the age of about 5. So I guess you have to ask yourself whether you can see your eldest being happy sharing with a 5 year old when they are 12, and beyond.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 19/08/2015 18:43

I have three. My middle and youngest are the same sex. My middle has Aspergers and my youngest is undergoing assessment. They cannot share a room, so I am sharing with a 3.5 year old and will have to do so for the forseeable future. It's not ideal. Could you cope with that eventuality?

MTWTFSS · 19/08/2015 18:57

From my own personal experience....

DON'T DO IT!!! Your son is only 7, and Autism during the teenage years is very stressful! Please just stick with 2 and be happy!

monkeyfacegrace · 19/08/2015 19:00

I have a 3 bed house (albeit large), and have just had dc3. Older ones are 6 and 8.

Love it. I want dc4 now Grin

DD 6 months has just gone into DD 8's room. Its fine.

Lightbulbon · 19/08/2015 19:04

Monkey- of course it's fine for same gender DCs with a 7yr gap and no sns/asd to room share.

But teens & toddlers or some SNs or ASD just can't share.

micromachine · 19/08/2015 19:08

I have 3 and one is autistic. They are all in the same room, and isn't really a problem.

sticklebrickstickle · 19/08/2015 19:09

I think of there's no opportunity to move even in 5 or 6 years then having another child means you do risk space being an issue.

If Dc3 was same gender as your current youngest then they can share for longer but if they are different genders by the time dc2 is 10 and nearing puberty I don't think you could have the two sharing still. You would need that third bedroom.

StanSmithsChin · 19/08/2015 19:10

What does DH say?

Original poster
Yourfriendlytealady · 19/08/2015 21:23

Thank you all for you replies. My dog would have an army if he could so he's all for it! We have discussed the eventuality of a 3rd dc being on the spectrum and worst case scenario we have a dining room that is never ever used that we could convert to a bedroom for me and dh.
I just feel so conflicted Hmm

OP posts:
Dogsmom · 19/08/2015 22:18

Unusual to have such in depth conversations with your pets Grin

scarlets · 19/08/2015 22:24

If the bedroom scenario is easily resolved by losing the dining room, then why not?

If you're a tax credits/child benefit claimant then you won't get any for DC3 - I think that the cutoff is April 2016 for third children to qualify. Not sure though. Just something to bear in mind too.

CrapBag · 19/08/2015 22:50

It's April 2017 that is the cut off for child tax credit and child benefit is not affected.

We are kind of having a similar dilemma. DS is 7, DD is 4. If We were to have another and it was a boy then the age gap would be a minimum of 8 and a half. So eldest would be sharing with a 5 year old when he was 13. If it was a girl then DD would share and the age gap would be a minimum of 5 years so not so bad. Problem is DS would have to give up his lovely big bedroom and go into the small room to make way for 2 girls. He is not happy about that idea and says he would rather share. Both DCs want me to have another, each want one of their own sex. Money would be tight and we think with the new tax credit thresholds, we are set to lose £240 a month next April. If they hadn't changed the threshold it wouldn't be so much of a problem really.

With your dining room, I'd say go for it. Our previous owners knocked the dining room through to make a big lounge diner so we couldn't do this and whilst our loft is huge, we are unlikely to be able to afford to go up which is a shame as I've seen a loft conversion on right move and it's a lovely size room.

Lightbulbon · 20/08/2015 09:09

If you have a spare dining room then that's fine.

The April 2017 deadline does bring these issues somewhat into focus!

Shutthatdoor · 20/08/2015 09:13

What does DH say?

Good point

micromachine · 20/08/2015 09:59

It sounds like you are oveethinking this. You even have another room. We have the 3 in one room and have no dining room. Never really considered it to be an issue tbh.

maggieryan · 20/08/2015 10:02

Its a life changing decision and space really is the last thing I'd be rhinking of.

micromachine · 20/08/2015 10:05

Beware though as it might make you more broody. Dc3 has made us want a Dc4!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 20/08/2015 10:06

The other thing is, the world is set up for 4 - notice it in ticket prices, buy one get one free, hotel rooms and holidays, food packaging (except donughts .. why?) Days out, family tickets ... all fours ... its a pain in the bum!

sunnyfriday · 20/08/2015 13:52

I know a lot of families who have more than one DC with ASD. my eldest has ASD as well and I know I would not be able to cope with another child with autism but statistically it is not unlikely to have another. this is one reason we have decided against a DC3.

Topseyt · 20/08/2015 15:11

Your dog would want an army of kids!?

Very interesting. Grin

New posts on this thread. Refresh page