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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a baby?

11 replies

SixDinnerSid · 18/08/2015 14:40

I think I am but I can't help but want a baby!

For a bit of background - DP and I are both 23, been together for 8 years. We split up briefly at the start of this year but are now back together. Currently not living together but we are planning on moving in together within the next year.

Also I'm about to start my second year at uni.

So basically, I know it's not ideal at the minute but I just can't help the feelings of wanting a baby so badly! Help me handle feeling so broody!

OP posts:
InYearAdmissions · 18/08/2015 14:42

Personally I would wait until you have finished your uni course, assuming it is a 3 year course there is not too long to wait. You could start trying half way through your final year.

You have got loads of time to have children in the future and it will be much much harder to finish your degree once you have a baby. In the grand scheme of things a year and a half is not long to wait.

softhedgehog · 18/08/2015 14:43

How are you going to support it? You're a student, in what sounds like not the most stable of relationship (I know you've been together for 8 years, but you change a lot between 15 and 23).

I'd really urge you to wait - get yourself a bit more stable, see if the relationship lasts, sort out accommodation. There's really no rush. the feelings will pass.

Good luck with your deliberations.

mileend2bermondsey · 18/08/2015 14:46

For wanting to have a child with someone you recently split up with, whom you are not currently living with (and from the OP I imagine you have never lived together?) whilst you are not even half way through your uni course.

YABU but I think you know that.

Original poster
SixDinnerSid · 18/08/2015 14:46

Thanks for replies, forgot to say we both work so supporting a baby should be okay. I know you're both right and I do want us to be more stable / settled but we both just desperately want a baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
SixDinnerSid · 18/08/2015 14:47

& we have lived together previously for 2 years. I moved out when we split in January but have not moved back in yet.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 18/08/2015 14:48

You really really really will regret not finishing your uni course or dropping several grades if you have a baby now.
In the meantime, if you are living out, how about a small pet to lavish attention on - a hamster is a lot of company, acceptable to most landlords and only lives two years, so there is none of the 'how will the baby deal with the cat/dog' to think about.

mileend2bermondsey · 18/08/2015 14:52

forgot to say we both work so supporting a baby should be okay
You are a student so how much can you really be earning? This statement only shows you are very immature and shouldn't even be thinking about having a baby.

micromachine · 18/08/2015 14:54

I see nothing wrong with your age as most of peer group had children at that age. I had a baby in the middle of my degree. I had 2 weeks off and graduated with a 2.1.

I think the relationship situation is more concerning. We had been married a few years at that age and had purchased our first flat. I would want that security in place first.

OsMalleytheCat · 18/08/2015 14:58

Hi,
My (now) DH were in a similar position to you and your DP, he's older than I am but we had been together for many years and decided to have a baby whilst I was still at Uni.
DS was born on the day I was supposed to start my final year by EMCS which resulted in me taking a year out, an incredibly difficult decision for me to undertake. I finally completed my final year when DS was one, he was (and still is) a terrible sleeper which made reading/essay writing/studying/travelling to Uni beyond difficult.
I am now starting a post grad course which I'm doing part time due to the expense of childcare and if I were to do a full time course I don't know where I'd manage to ever spend time with DS and complete any work outside of Uni.
Whilst I'm not saying don't have a baby I am an example that it is possible but can put incredible strain on a relationship, DH works 7 days a week because supporting me, DS and a household whilst I'm studying is v expensive, I am very reliant on family members to watch DS whilst I'm at Uni and need time to study.

I won't be able to start a career until DS is in full time school, a starting wage in any job isn't enough to cover the cost of childcare.

If you believe that your relationship with your dp is forever what's the hurry?

Stingingthistle · 18/08/2015 15:03

In your position I would wait. You are so young and have years ahead of you. I would want to graduate, move in together and get settled into a job to save up a bit before trying. Even if you started at 25 that's still pretty soon and quite young in the scheme of things! The relationship situation is a bit concerning.

micromachine · 18/08/2015 15:04

We have managed to do it and work full time throughout. We unfortunately do not get any help from anyone and never. It can be done but you need to know you have a very strong relationship and a extremely strong desire to work/study.

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