Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be pissed off about my friend's wedding?

47 replies

hazelnutlatte · 18/08/2015 06:50

Friends wedding was last weekend. When planning the wedding she told me that they were having a child free wedding, but that I would be able to bring my baby along. We got the invitation while I was still pregnant, and made plans to to to the wedding (arranging child are for my 3 year old, attempting to find something to wear when heavily pregnant etc)
6 weeks before the wedding my friend tells me that actually the wedding will be totally child free and not even family children are invited so the baby won't be able to come.
Baby was 2 weeks old when she told me this and breastfed. I did think about trying to introduce a bottle in time for the wedding as I really wanted to go, but I had a real struggle to get breastfeeding established and just couldn't do it, so in the end I had to decline the invitation.
I was pretty sad about this as we have been friends for a long time and have loads of other friends in common so I was looking forward to seeing everyone.
I understood it's her wedding though and their choice who to invite.
Wedding pictures have appeared on Facebook and there are at least 5 small children there!

OP posts:

NoahVale · 18/08/2015 08:00

dont take it personally. i imagine she either forgot, or caved in to their request, or they ignored her request.

she is still your friend. I wouldnt mention it.

OTheHugeManatee · 18/08/2015 08:10

YANBU. But IMO it's fucking uncivilised to be so rigid about child-free weddings you exclude nursing infants. Effectively you are excluding the mother as well when you do that. Fair enough if you don't want older, mobile kids but babes in arms take up no room, incur no catering cost and can make the difference between a family being able to come or not.

Original poster

hazelnutlatte · 18/08/2015 08:12

I think I'll ask my friend who was a bridesmaid - she knew I was disappointed not to be going and if the children there weren't invited she might have heard something about it on the day

OP posts:

scarlets · 18/08/2015 08:15

The guests either selfishly kicked up a fuss or impertinently turned up with the kids in tow anyway. Either way, she's probably sick of justifying her and her groom's choices to people who can't accept that their progeny are not the be-all-and-end-all when it comes to other people's weddings (not that you seem to fall into that category OP).

I'd leave it. It may come up naturally in conversation anyway - you're bound to ask her how her special day went at some point.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 18/08/2015 08:58

I would be disappointed too as she had originally said that you could bring your baby but then changed her mind. From personal experience I would bet she and her fiancé were steamrollered into the other DCs attending.

TRexingInAsda · 18/08/2015 10:43

Ask your friend directly. You don't like her now, so either the answer will make you feel better, or it'll make you feel the same but at least you'll be sure of the truth - which you won't be if you try to ask the bridesmaid or other third parties. She sounds like a real knob though. People spend a lot of time a money arranging to go to weddings, and for her to effectively uninvited you 2 weeks before just because she didn't want a newborn there sounds like total cuntery.

Queenbean · 18/08/2015 10:45

Just ask

But I would bet that those people turned up with their kids and went down the "it was too late for me to change...." route

RunnerHasbeen · 18/08/2015 13:21

I think that the kids might be those of people who live far away. If you had already booked travel and accommodation when she changed the ruled, I can see that you might make a little more fuss. I doubt it is personal, brides just totally overestimate how much control they are going ti have on the actual day.

Original poster

hazelnutlatte · 18/08/2015 18:05

Think my op might have not been too clear, other children weren't uninvited, they were not invited in the first place, was told it was going to be a child free wedding at least 6 months ago. However I was also told that they would make an exception for me as my baby would be newborn. It was this that they changed their mind about at the last minute.
Anyway I will speak to her in a couple of weeks and see what she says. She is usually very nice so it will either be that the kids gate crashed or maybe it was something to do with her husband

OP posts:

NuggetofPurestGreen · 18/08/2015 19:13

I think it's fine to have a childfree wedding BUT this woman had explicitly told OP she could bring her child and then told her she couldn't when OP had gone to some trouble to be able to go. That's what the issue is (and obviously compounded by the other children being there).

YADNBU!

oneowlgirl · 18/08/2015 22:37

YANBU - the uninviting of your baby is terrible, regardless of whether there were other children there or not. So rude & not something a good friend would do in my opinion.

TwistyFyas · 20/08/2015 11:49

I'd probably be passive aggressive and comment on the photo with the kids in saying something like "looks like you all had fun, shame I couldn't be there but since kids weren't invited I couldn't go "

I know that isn't the grown up response though

notapizzaeater · 20/08/2015 11:51

I'd ask as it will fester and fester

HippyPottyMouth · 20/08/2015 11:57

Ask her. They might well have turned up uninvited. We had no kids except immediate family but would have made exceptions for tiny babies. We certainly didn't make exceptions for the two kids who turned up unexpectedly, who I didn't notice until midway through the evening. I was mortified on behalf of the friends and family members who had made arrangements for their kids.

cittigirl · 20/08/2015 12:04

Mine was a child free wedding but 2 couples brought their kids. I didn't say anything but I was miffed as people who hadn't may have thought we were making exceptions. I went to another where dd wasn't invited but someone else was there with theirs which upset me. I don't know if she just turned up with her dd. I never mentioned it to the bride but it stung a bit.

ollieplimsoles · 20/08/2015 12:57

What a total piss take, she's messed you about going back and forth, then tells you you cant bring you TWO WEEK old baby to breastfeed, then has the nerve to let a few kids slip through the net after all and for photos to go up!

I would have to ask her, she messed you about totally and you were really wanting to attend her wedding! Very cheeky of her and a crappy thing to do

BitOutOfPractice · 20/08/2015 13:05

Yes, ask.

And congratulations on your new baby

BackInTheRealWorld · 20/08/2015 13:13

Can you ask soon please, I want to know what she says.

I've experienced similar. Long lost sister invited us all to her wedding but said it was no kids. I didn't go but my other sister went, and my cousins, and they said there were lots of kids there. It seemed only children on the grooms side were invited.

Neve found out why...

BackInTheRealWorld · 20/08/2015 13:14

To add, she is long lost again!

Bunbaker · 20/08/2015 13:20

I hope you didn't buy her a wedding present.

CheesyNachos · 20/08/2015 13:27

My DParents also specified no children at their wedding. My maternal grandmother, in a rather typical display of arrogance decided that did not apply to children on her side of the family and so kids came without my parents knowledge. That precipitated an enormous fight with Dad's side and a family rift that even now 45 years later has never been repaired. I am 42, and despite growing up in the SAME VILLAGE as my cousins, have never met them. All because of a misunderstanding and someone overstepping the mark.

Could it be something like that OP?

Madmum24 · 20/08/2015 16:56

My best friend invited me to her wedding in another country that required an overnight and stated that it was child free. Unfortunately i had to decline as I had no one to leave (5) kids with. I was sad not to go but accepted it was her choice (although had the tables been turned her kids would have been at mine, I consider them to be nieces/nephews) She was really annoyed and after going on and on said that they could come.

Upon arrival at the wedding it emerged that I was the only one without an invitation (they were supposed to be shown at the door as proof) and then I discovered we had been left out of the seating plan. I was absolutely floored as she would have been at the top table of mine. We eventually (after a lot of embarrassment) got 2 seat between 4 of us. Friend came around the tables and I couldn't help but blurt out about not having a place, to which she just rolled her eyes and dismissed it. Everyone was whispering about me bringing my kids to a child free wedding.

Sorry getting off topic her OP but YANBU to feel upset and annoyed, and to actually think maybe your friendship is not what you think. Even if the other children were gatecrashers, your friend should have sent you a "I'm so annoyed people brought their children, and you missed out because you went along with the rules" type of message.

Flip

1 2