To be pissed off about broken plates

[Pleasepassthechocolate]

Ok, do this is complicated. I've been with DH for over twenty years. We've got two dcs, dd is 6 and DS is 10 and has high functioning ASD. My mum died some years ago and my dad is severely disabled. I help look after him. I have no support.

I do not get on with DHs family. We're just chalk and cheese. Nothing in common. Mother in law is very house proud, doesn't like pets at all, thinking my kids are just that - my kids, I should look after them etc DS and his dx is no big deal. I like my house nice and tidy but it's a home etc I've got cats, MIL can't bear them. I've also just got a dog, rescued and very cute. MIL can't understand why I did that. DH has a sister who is highly favoured over DH, always had been. Her kids, mainly adults, are also highly favoured over my kids. They are always considered better than mine. I know MIL has bought school uniform for them in the past, not for mine.

Anyway so that's the scene. I pretty resigned to it now. DH was made redundant a couple of years ago. Since we had the kids, I've not worked and to be frank we've been on the bones of our arses. I had severe depression as I was struggling to cope. Anyway DH got another job, highly paid but 250 miles from our home. So we've moved, new schools etc and a brand new house. Can't believe our luck. For the first time in ages we've got a bit of money. So we bought a few new bits and bobs for our house and booked a holiday in Spain and DH asked his mother or sister if they might like to stay in our house and look after our pets (I know, FFS, stupid idea) but our house is in the middle of the countryside and DHs sisters husband is unemployed so we thought it might help. Anyway they said no. So I organised care for my dog and cats. Then sister in law asked if she could stay for one night. Couldn't really say no, So they stayed. And smashed two plates from my new dinner service. They said sorry but, well that's that.

I feel childish and I don't want them to replace it, her husband isn't working. But I feel so pissed off. If it were the other way round, we'd never have heard the end of it.....

Yabu.

You're bitter that the "favoured" ones broke some plates? It was rude not to offer to replace them but it's not a big deal is it?

The thing is, had it been anyone else you probably would have minded an accident like this. The problem is the people not the plates. How does your DH feel about his family?

Wouldn't *

YANBU to be pissed off but I don't think this is really about the plates - it sounds like the last straw after a lot of annoyances from the whole family.

In some ways it might have been good if you had lost your temper and let rip about all the other things. Those things can be very hard to say and sometimes it takes a "crisis" (I know, broken plates are not really a crisis, but let's say an emotionally charged moment) to get them out in the open. It sounds as if you would be happier if you could clear the air somehow and let DH's family know how they are making you feel. Maybe next time there's an "opening" like this you should take advantage of it and get some things off your chest.

You don't mention how DH feels about his parents and sister, would he back you up if you complained?

Was the night they stayed during the time you were on holiday; paying for petcare? It sounds odd that she could stay when it suited her, but not to help you out

Thank you everyone. You're all right, it isn't really about the plates, it's just the straw that broke the camels back. DH is completely with me. He sees the favouritism with the kids and he doesn't like it. My kids can see it and are picking up it now. That's the reason I'm unhappy.

Yes, it was when I was paying for pet care.

Well you know what the answer should be next time she wants to stay ....
I'd also find out where to get the plates replaced and send her an e mail or text to let her know. Even if she can't afford to replace them I'm sure MIL can !
My own DH has been on the receiving end of this sort of favouritism . His sister was always being bailed out financially because she always pleaded poverty ( not true by the way Both she and BIL had good jobs and a house worth over a million pounds ) . The final straw came when we were sitting with FIL in hospital when he was dying and he asked my DH to give his sister money to make sure she wasn't out of pocket by coming to visit him ! We were gobsmacked to put it mildly . Sorry to high jack your thread but I really , really sympathise.