Im not a very nice person

[Ihatemyself222]

Sorry just need some advice

I'm not a very nice person. I got drinker than I have ever been before last night (unfortunately this seems to be happening fairly regularly as I drink in social situations when I'm nervous and then overdo it) and said some things I regret to a family member at a party (repeatedly told them to F off in front of everyone, some of them being people who I'd never met

So ashamed

OP - I've done this sort of thing when drunk. I bet an awful lot of people have.

I remember a night out with friends where a friend of mine, really drunk, went around the table giving a 'synopsis' of each person. She was mortified the next day. One particular friend she felt she'd been harsh to - but in fact all she'd said was that it was funny how anal she was in keeping her house clean and religiously recycling everything she possibly could - she went round the next day and said 'oh, can you forgive me?' - the friend was like, 'yes of course " She'd thought nothing of it.

It's possible it's not as bad as you think.

Thanks 1000, the irony is that I ised to be fine at controlling my intake until relatively recently!! Need to get back to that level, I agree with what you're saying about how it is better to be the sober one sometimes

Thanks Martin and sabrinna

Gosh, people coming to your house uninvited - I would probably have drunk too much as well (I hate having too many people in my house, especially if I don't know them!)
I'm sure people are not laughing at you. Most will have been in a similar situation to you. Please try to move on.....it will get better in time.
And here's a ditty I read recently:

For every problem under the sun,
There is a remedy or there's none
If there is one, try and find it.
If there isn't, never mind it.

(I don't know if that's appropriate or not in this situation, but it's a good one I think!)

OP relax! You hosted a nice party and everyone should be grateful! :)

I promise you hand on heart, no-one is laughing at you or even thinking about it. Everyone is too busy worrying about themselves.

Oh this was me OP. I'm actually very shy and awkward and when I used to get drunk I would talk all sorts of shite and overshare horribly and be embarrassingly honest

Firstly I do agree it probably isn't as bad as you think. But secondly I can recommend getting it under control. I was 30 when I had a particularly drunken night at a friend's, regretted things I'd said and thought "never again" and really meant it. I do drink, but from that day on I cut back to 1-2 glasses of wine on any given occasion and I never get roaring drunk.

My younger self would be horrified to think of limiting it so tightly, because I like wine. I never drank to actually get drunk, just drank a lot because I enjoyed it and it was a habit.

But now I'm used to it and I think I enjoy it more and know how to make it last longer. Knowing I never have to have that horrible drunk feeling, knowing I never have to beat myself up about the night before, or have a hangover, really is nice.

Let go of the shame and just make a deal with yourself that you don't need to get drunk and you will save yourself the worry and stress. Make sure you have access to nice soft drinks to intersperse with your alcoholic ones. Alcohol free lager is a good one if you don't want people asking questions.

I have stopped drinking because I'd work myself up into a right state going over everything I'd said the night before. Even though it was never that bad I felt ashamed and just thought this isn't worth it.

Please don't worry op, most people know how you feel and are probably too busy thinking of themselves to be going over what you said.

Thank you thank you thank you everyone

Oh gosh bosky you have described me down to a tee... Get drunk, be loud and sociable, think I'm behaving in an incredibly fun and exciting way when really it's a bit embarrassing, oversharing soooo much.... I marched up to some friends who I like but don't know that well and asked why we didn't hang out more I think I interrogated them. I do have form for the oversharing, telling people my innermost feelings and insecurities when I'm very drunk - what the actual fuck!

I am feeling so much better today though, thank you, almost entirely down to all of you. Thanks xx

You’ll Worry Less About What People Think of You When You Realize How Seldom They Do

^^ this. In spades. By a country mile.

One piece of advice I can give. You know that sick, stomach lurching feeling you had the morning after? How awful it felt? Hang on to that feeling. I say that because I did something awful whilst drunk once and experienced all those feelings the morning after. If ever I'm in a social situation and getting merry, I catch myself, remember that feeling and remember that I never, ever want to feel as bad as I did then. It catapults me back to a "safe" zone

Really glad you're feeling better today. Could you just accept that you find some social occasions difficult but to lay off the booze? if you are feeling out of your depth then try just asking people questions about themselves and being smiley and friendly. Don't worry about being 'fun' or funny or the life and soul of every event. Be yourself, even if yourself happens to be a bit shy and awkward sometimes. It's ok not to be brimming with confidence. People will still accept you if you aren't up for everything and loud and ultra talkative etc.

So glad you feel better!

I once had a course of CBT (for my anxiety.. sensing a theme here :)) and I talked to the therapist about being so awkward and worrying what people thought and if I upset people etc.

She said "People take you for who you are, as you do them. Maybe you have a loud friend, a caring friend, a reliable friend, a gossipy friend... if you are the shy friend or the socially awkward friend, that doesn't mean no one likes you."

Her wise words have stayed with me. You don't have to try to be what you're not. I still have friends from those days when I did get drunk and behaved in ways I regretted – doing that doesn't add up to the whole of what you are, IYSWIM.

I'm pretty sure everyone wants to be liked OP, just not sure everyone would admit it.

They hardly have the moral high ground when they invited strangers to your house. That would really stress me out.

You do sound like a normal drunk person, people will have seen it before and will definitely see it again. I've decided that I don't like myself when I've been drinking and mostly stopped completely. Decided to drink when seeing some family recently and the hangover was horrible. Am much happier not drinking at all.

It's much nicer to stay sober and to actually wake up the next day without that horrible anxious feeling.

Thankfully I've never done this, but I really empathise with nerves / anxiety leading to overdo the alcohol...

Do you have someone you trust at gatherings to cut you off when you are showing the signs of crossing the line from tipsy to drunk?

I try to alternate wine with a soft drink where I really have to stay on top of things (like work dos - which are the worst, as this is when I'm most nervous!), as it helps just to have something in your hand, even if just water.

And an excuse to leave - like an early start the next day.