To be worried about the cost of a weekend break?

[DirtyMugPolice]

DM is 60 in Feb 2016. She doesn't live in the UK so visting involves a flight and car hire. For her birthday weekend she wants to hold a big long weekend thing at her home so expects all UK relatives to fly over for this (about an hours flight). Two relevant issues - DS starts school in September and baby #2 is due in December - so can't book any flights until she is born as don't know name or date of birth yet!

So we're tied to specific dates with DS being in school that week (it isn't half term) as we'd have to go Friday to Sunday evening so he's back for school on Monday. Just looking at flights now - it's about £300 ish for 2 adults and 2 children
But those are now prices - I realisticly won't be booking until late December/January after I've got over having baby. Oh and there's the cost of a passport for baby too £80ish?

So at today's prices we are looking at £400 ish for the weekend. DM has already said not to get her a present thank fuck!

For all other parents 60th birthdays we have spent £50 ish. Also worth adding - I will be on maternity leave!

I'm worried. I don't think she knows how much it will cost us but even when she does I hunk she would expect us to spend it anyway. .She's very me me me and thinks she's vay important.

I'm seeing her tomorrow - how do I approach this? £400 ish at least for a Fucking weekend visit!

Whereyouleftit you have my DM pegged. Totally! I think she will act distraught at the thought of DS not bring there but like you say it's her own making.

She doesn't seem to realise what a massive faff she's expecting everyone to go to for her. She's a bit narcissistic if that hasn't come across already!

Thank you all I will report back tomorrow

Thank you to both posters who have suggested her coming here. Hadn't thought of that! Will suggest it. Not staying with me though - those pesky grandchildren will have taken up all my spare rooms. Ha!

Would you be able to enjoy party with a newborn? Pregnant with first and thought of flying off somewhere for weekend with all related baby stuff would fill me with dread!

You can book a flight for the baby now- you just need to amend when born.

I took DS2 to Majorca when he was 6 weeks old. He survived and has no long lasting health problems.

If you can't afford it just tell her that and send her a nice gift in the post when her birthday comes around.

As for flying with a small baby...why would it be dangerous / a risk to the baby's health?
I went to Portugal with a 10 week old baby and he didn't suffer any ill effects. If you feed them during take off it prevents their ears from 'popping' but even if they do pop it isn't dangerous.
Said baby is now a senior school aged child and I can confirm that he has been the fittest and healthiest of my children by a long way so clearly the flights did him no harm.

Your son can have a day off from reception for a family event - it's no big deal. Your DH could take a day off work, again no big deal. This is really about either money, or you not wanting to go at all. The other stuff is just a smokescreen. Not that I blame you. But they are very flimsy excuses.

You can book flights now and add baby later. I just have done (with BA). Dc due in October and I've booked flights for xmas. All you have to do is inform the airline when you have baby's details.

And what a load of bollocks about flying with an infant. I shall be doing so at approx 3 weeks old and again and approx 12 weeks old. Get a grip!!!

Until your child is 5 years old they do not need to attend school full time. Lots of children in my DS's school only done mornings or had the odd day off, regularly! See if the tickets are cheaper if coming back on a Monday?

I'm also pregnancy with DC2, I wouldn't want this hanging over me for 7-9 weeks after birth.
I'd suggest a longer half term stay later in month/Easter or she comes to you.
You'd have to be super speedy getting passport for baby too, registering (if you can get quick appointment) and sending off forms a few days after birth.

Just reading back over your post you have priced up 2 adults 2 children have you remembered its 2 adults, one child and one infant? Baby will cost next to nothing as won't have a seat.

You can definitely book now and confirm name when born so I'd start looking for cheap flights now, I look every day when hunting for flights abroad.

I'd be miffed at spending maternity money too, but I'd do it for immediate family.

Is the health risk people have referred to to do with being on a plane (lots of people close together, recirculated air), and the fact that the DC hasn't had any vaccinations yet?

Thank you all for your input. So I spoke to DM yesterday and it went a bit better than I thought. I said that all 4 of us going was currently looking unrealistic - she said she understood bit it 'wouldn't be the same without us there'. I mentioned maybe coming myself with just baby and she said she wasn't sure if I would be happy without my family (probably right) and that she wouldn't like DS not being there.

She cried! So I said I wouldn't be able to book anything yet anyway - hadn't thought about the possibility of having a c section. Bloody hope not but you never know.

So I don't know what's going to happen as yet. As it stands funds to book anything aren't available as they are set aside for home improvement/baby related purchases. It's just sad how so many things which should be lovely (family birthdays, births of grandchildren, seeing grandchildren! ) are all disrupted and a massive hassle to orchestrate because she wanted to move away. I feel like it's a test to see how much she is valued depending on how much we are willing to spend to do 'normal' things.

R.e. flight costs for infant - the airline we'd be using charges £19 per journey for infant and £10 taxes on one leg. Outrageous considering she's not even using a seat and I could probably smuggle her in my handbag she'll be that small!!

Did you suggest her coming over?

How many rellies is she hoping will go over?

Could anyone put her up & others chip in a few quid each for her flight as a present?

If she can't afford a flight, how can she afford to host a load of folk for a weekend?

Apparently a few people have already booked their flights over so it can't be changed.

The affordability thing - DM has a funny attitude to money. She will struggle to afford to pay the bills over things like this as this is 'a priority and important '. SShe's currently waiting for a settlement amount after an accident so I think she assumes this will pay for it? I honestly don't know!

Relatives wise there aren't many as she doesn't speak to hardly any of her family so it's mainly friends going.

you can't sensibly afford it so you don't do it.

why doesn't she come back to the UK and hold a party here? She could rent somewhere big enough, if not half term it is a cheap time.

Well if some have booked then that's that.

You've put forward the possibility that you might not be able to go & that's all you can do atm.

You don't want to deliberately punish her for moving away, but equally, sh can't expect to click her fingers & have everyone she wants turn up!

Also, if you don't make the party, perhaps you could have a few "quality" days with just her at some point as opposed to a rushed weekend with her hosting a few folk iyswim.

With my second baby I had placenta praevia, threat of CS.

In the end all OK & I had an easy birth, but baby needed to stay in for 10 days!!!

Nothing serious, but you just never know what will happen!

Another idea then OP. How about she flies back with some of the friends as they leave and has a 2nd celebration with you in the UK?

OP there is every chance your new baby won't have had her first vaccinations by the time your due to fly. I'd just say you can't make it. She can always fly over and have a short holiday in the UK.

There's no saying that baby would be registered and have a passport.