WIBU to send this child to the movies alone?

[annandale]

PILS have spoken to dh to say they think we were wrong to do this. They are more anxious than us but don't often interfere in this way, so I'd quite like to know what the balance of opinion is, because it is a situation that will happen again.

BTW I know that the overall opinion is likely to be 'it depends on the child'...

OK so imagine you have a holiday crunch point where both parents need to be elsewhere; you decide that at this age it is going to be OK for your child to be given a key and a tenner, and to walk 15 minutes on a very familiar route to go and see Inside Out on their own, to come back and be in the house for a further hour or so alone.

What age would you have arranged for your child to do this?

11.5 is perfectly acceptable. He will no doubt be starting secondary school in September and children need to be allowed some independence. My DS will be going to and from secondary school on his own and will at times be in the house alone for short periods of time. Think your PIL's are over reacting.

Around year 7 (so aged 11/12) was when I was allowed to do things like this. I had to get the public bus to and from school every day on my own as my Mum works and couldn't give me a lift. If I'd been 13 and not allowed to go out on my own, as some posters are suggesting, then I'd have been well miffed! And this was about 2002, so not that long ago. Your PIL's are overreacting!

Also think your DH is overreacting by feeling 'low' based on his parents' reaction.

With friends 12, alone 13/14

Id have said 11 too

10 maybe even 9.5

I totally agree that dh is overreacting (he has a long-term MH condition and is particularly sensitive to his parents' statements, I wish they took this into account because it's me that has to deal with the fallout). I wanted to know, though, because my reaction to PIL statements like this is to become even more ostentatiously slack ('ds why don't you go and play chicken on the main road?' not really) so I feel like I could do with a calibration every now and then.

Dd is 11.5 and just before they broke up i allowed her to go to the cinema with 2 friends. However I drove them there and back. I think i would allow your situation IF she had at least one friend with her. She currently wants to go into town with a friend on the bus and go for lunch. I've said she could, just haven't got round to it yet.

Well clearly your judgement about your son's capability was correct - if it had not been incident-free, you wouldn't have asked. You know your child.

I think it depends entirely on the child and it sounds like your 11.5 year old was perfectly fine. With my girls one could easily have been doing that at 9/10 (if the cinema would allow it) whereas with the other I still worry now even when she with other parents!

Fine to send them out on their own at age 11, but to be honest I would rather they went with a sibling or friend. Based on the time I went to the cinema on my own at around 13 and this creepy man came and sat next to me. I told him loudly to keep his hands to himself and moved away, but I doubt that I could have handled it if I had been any younger.

Around 12, but only with a group of friends of a similar age.

DD is with 2 friends in cinema now aged 13. I'm not sure if I've read the post right or not though. I wouldn't let her go to watch a film completely on her own and find it odd to imagine a child would want to do this. Is that what you are proposing your DS does?

My dd is ten, you get out her group of friends who are 11. She has been allowed more independence and as a group they have walked to and from the swimming pool that's half an hour away themselves.

The cinema is on the way but I wouldn't let her do it herself and I also wouldn't leave her in the house on her own for an hour yet and she's pretty mature for her age.

I'd probably allow it next summer after p7 has finished or once she starts first year.

I would have no problem with him going to the cinema or the journey to and from. I do however feel that going to watch a film alone is a bit strange for a child. My son regularly meets friends to go swimming or the cinema and he is almost 10. He has been doing this since he was 9. I will sometimes drop him off other times they may get the bus. Although I don't have a problem with him going to and from places on his own, eg the park, shop down the road etc I don't like the idea of him being alone at an activity it just seems a bit strange. Was there no way you could have arranged for him to meet one of his friends there. More for the company than any safety concerns. I would feel quite sad for my own son sitting in the cinema alone when the vast majority of people go with friends or family

*youngest out her group of friends who are 11. That was meant to say.

My eldest, 10/11 no problems.

Your parents in law are dicks.

Completely alone I wouldn't like. With friends, no problem at 11/12. On own they're vulnerable.

Mind you I'm probably biased from being in a cinema where someone was stabbed during the film because they had (politely) asked someone if they could move as they were sitting in their allocated seats.

Lots more helpful responses, thank you.

I hadn't actually considered that he might not have enjoyed seeing a film on his own - maybe because it's one of my favourite things to do, not that I've done it for years - in fact if it's a film I really like I hate having to discuss it with other people. I woudl normally have sorted out some sort of friends meetup, but every one of his friends that he normally meets up with is away this week.

I think with hindsight it probably was slightly the wrong side of the risk path, especially re someone coming to sit next to him, I think you're right pp, he wouldn't have known what to do if someone had groped him. All good food for thought.

12 with a group of friends
older if alone