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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't normal lunch behaviour?!

20 replies

1AngelicFruitCake · 13/08/2015 20:11

Good friend of mine said she'd come over to see me yesterday. She said she'd come for lunch so I asked if she had any preferences about what I'd make. She texted back to say no, she'd bring lunch as she needed to use lots of things up.

Imagine my surprise when she turned up with nothing obvious with her. I suggested after a while we eat lunch and she proceeds to open her handbag to get out a squashed chicken sandwich she'd made for herself and proceeded to eat! Shock Luckily I had a sandwich I'd made for later (am pregnant and constantly hungry!) so I didn't have to meekly ask if she'd made one for me! Did I misread the lunch signs? Is this normal?

OP posts:
DirtyMugPolice · 13/08/2015 20:13

No I'd assume she would turn up with something too. How odd!

WildImaginings · 13/08/2015 20:15

Very odd!

BarbarianMum · 13/08/2015 20:17

Based on your OP I would have assumed she would have brought her own lunch and not mine but I can see how it could be misunderstood.

CrohnicallyAspie · 13/08/2015 20:23

I can see how it could be taken either way. I'd have probably said 'I'll bring my own' to make it clear.

PrettyLittleMitty · 13/08/2015 20:24

Sorry OP I had to laugh. Yanbu, I would of assumed she meant lunch for both of us.

ACSlater · 13/08/2015 20:33

I'd expect lunch for both too!

I often go to friends for tea and say I'll bring pudding/side/drink etc.. enough for everyone!

Floggingmolly · 13/08/2015 20:39

Why would anyone assume she meant she'd be bringing her own? Confused
That is really not a normal thing to do, it's no different to the op suddenly deciding it was lunchtime and preparing a sandwich for herself only; leaving her friend looking on.

Or getting into rounds in a pub, but only buying a drink for yourself when it's your turn. Only the very socially incompetent do this...

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 13/08/2015 20:41

Thanks everyone! The worse thing is that she had texted the day after the first text to say she'd get some fancy biscuits and I said 'no, I'll get those as you're already getting everything else!!' Luckily for me I bought the biscuits otherwise I'd have been watching her eating her own biscuits that she brought for herselfGrin

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 13/08/2015 20:46

She went to the trouble of texting you that she was bringing some biscuits and then just brought some for herself???
She's trying to tell you something...

Original poster
1AngelicFruitCake · 13/08/2015 20:46

Oh no at 'socially incompetent' as she's a really nice person. I still can't understand why she said she had to use lots of food up and then just brought a chicken sandwich for herself! I'd been looking forward to a feast!

OP posts:
CrohnicallyAspie · 13/08/2015 20:51

Yes I'm very socially incompetent. But I can't see what is wrong with only bringing your own lunch provided you say that is what is going to happen. The friend's only mistake IMO is not saying specifically 'I'll bring my own'. I presume she wrote the text in one internal voice and the OP read it in a different voice, so the friend thought she was clear but she wasn't.

I had a similar exchange earlier, I arranged to pick a friend up, they said 'that's fine if you don't mind, or did you want me to drive?' I replied that I would because of the car seat, they said 'I know, I meant did you want to meet me there?'
So they wrote 'that's fine if you don't mind (picking me up)...'
I read 'that's fine if you don't mind, or did you want me to drive (us all)'

CrohnicallyAspie · 13/08/2015 20:53

So if I had taken my friend up on the offer she'd have been waiting for me there and I would have still been at home waiting for her...

ShadowStar · 13/08/2015 20:57

I would have read that as friend intending to bring lunch for both of you as well.

BestZebbie · 13/08/2015 21:02

I'd assume she was going to make her own lunch with her dubious leftovers and was telling you that so you didn't need to cook and could sort yourself something quick/purely to your own taste/using your own slightly dubious leftovers too (as turned out to be the case). However, I am used to eg: a friend comes over straight from work and brings takeaway just for themselves so as not to muck up preplanned family dinner arrangements with a suprise extra adult, etc - if you are used to the host catering that puts a slightly different shine on it.
I can see how you read it the way you did.

nemo81 · 14/08/2015 11:28

As you had asked what she wanted you to make for lunch i would have assumed she was going to bring lunch for the both of you.

Oldraver · 14/08/2015 11:31

Oh you have reminded me I have half a carrot cake in my handbag...

Heyho111 · 14/08/2015 11:35

If your going on a picnic bringing your own is acceptable and normal. Eating together at someone's house it is not normal. One provides or everyone provides a dish is normal. I too would have assumed she was bringing it. How funny.

Birdsgottafly · 14/08/2015 11:38

I would of assumed that she was bringing hers, to use up what she had and you were providing yours.

It's been a miscommunication.

MaidOfStars · 14/08/2015 11:44

You didn't misread. Very odd behaviour.

Of course, people will insist on ambiguity of words, that you made an assumption, aren't you the rude one? Ignore them as easily as they are ignoring the very basic rules of social interaction.

Spartans · 14/08/2015 12:20

I would have taken it as she was making her own.

But I can see how you took it too.

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