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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is this neglect?

31 replies

Missymoo08 · 13/08/2015 12:14

Bit of a long one so I apologise. I live in a block of flats with an open back and communal back garden we have two flats at front of building who have to access the garden thru the security door and cannot see the garden due to the placement of their windows..the couple at the front have a young child no more than three and a newborn and we have noticed that since the baby has been born the child has been left in the back garden from sometimes 8am and because of window placement they cannot check on him it has meant on a few occasions a neighbour has had to take him to his door because he has been screaming for his mum and it appears they cannot hear him ..there are a lot of kids in the flats who play in the garden mine included and they get on great as do the neighbours therefore we allow the kids to come and go in each others houses as they please however we do not associate with this couple due to them threatening a neighbour because she asked them to keep the noise down whilst her son was trying to sleep and previos occasions when he has shouted at other neighbours whilst off his face on drugs. Whilst I have no problem keeping an eye on my kids and other neighbours children whilst they are in the garden as we all do it for each other am I being unreasonable that we should be expected to keep an eye out on their little boy also when he doesn't know any of us and they don't even associate with us as this is how I feels that they think they can put him out the back and someone else will watch him and sonetimes he is out like i said from 8am before half ofbus have left for work and can be out there two three hours without any sign of mum or dad or should I report this? And if so to who?

OP posts:
TRexingInAsda · 16/08/2015 01:25

That's really nice about the grandfather. I was fearing worse for him - ie they'd keep him indoors but still neglect him. xxx

differentnameforthis · 16/08/2015 04:48

if he fell or needed the loo myself or another would happily help

While this is lovely of any adult to do for the child, you have to be careful not to put yourselves in a position that any action you take towards helping him, can be interpreted as anything other than 'trying to help the child'

I.e him in other people's flat, that flat owner is opening themselves up to abuse accusations, same with taking him to the toilet. The stance will be that at no time was the child permitted to go into flat X/go with Mrs X by the parents, therefore a gesture that is innocent will be seen as something else.

You have a child in your flat without the parent's express permission...

An adult who the child isn't familiar with taking him to the toilet? Again, opening self up for abuse accusations.

With him falling, if he gets seriously hurt, the come back could be on whoever was present as they weren't "watching him properly"

Child wanders off/goes missing .. why weren't you watching him?

All of these things would probably get resolved, eventually...but does any one need that hassle? I mean, I don't think any adult would stop a child wandering off from a play space if the parents weren't around, but if they know you are usually there to help him, when you are not & something happens...

The parents are unreasonable, but they will be even more so when they have ammunition against someone who is merely trying to help the lad!

I think this needs to be reported & people need to make sure that the parents know (via a letter, signed by residents) that no one is willing to accept responsibility for this poor child in their absence.

Because I can see something going very wrong & those who were helping getting themselves in the middle of a whole heap of shit!

differentnameforthis · 16/08/2015 04:50

I don't think any adult would watch a child wandering off from a play space if the parents weren't around,

differentnameforthis · 16/08/2015 04:52

Didn't see your update, op. Glad you reported it. Keep an eye on it.

It could have merely been the Grandfather saying "you can't leave him out there by himself" on this occasions, but on the occasions the GF isn't there, it may still happen.

Missymoo08 · 16/08/2015 20:32

Different that is exactly our standpoint...as much as the other kids in the block are pretty much free to come and go between houses its because all the adults have an understanding and we are all pretty close and a few related so we have no problem whereas with this young kid he doesn't know us so whilst we may try to help we tend to back off incase something like tht were to happen...he hasn't been out today so unsure if anything has been said or not as yet but will keep an ear out just incase

OP posts:
Kafri · 16/08/2015 21:36

Wow!! I get that having a nb and a toddler can be tough but abandoning the toddler in the garden for other parents to watch is beyond a joke.

Fingers crossed your call to ss and their action is enough to stop it.

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