to want to talk about sexual orientation in front of the children?

[LeggyBlondeNE]

Having a weird clash with DH over this. He's not remotely homophobic, has talked positively about how he doesn't care which gender our children want to date (challenged his uncle on that one, was very proud of him at the time), can't wait for a gay couple we're friends with to get married ...

... but he has this strange insistence that we shouldn't talk about it in front of the children. He refused to let us all attend a local pride event because he thought having to explain WHY pride events are important would plant the idea that there might really be a problem with being gay, and he didn't want them exposed to that conflict. The other day I ended up having to mouth the words 'gay' and 'lesbian' because he didn't want to 'spoil their innocence'. We can happily read them 'Tabby McTat' and refer to Prunella and Pat as a couple but I mustn't say lesbian!

I'm not clear on what he thinks we're protecting them from (I'm also not allowed to use the word 'dead'/'die' and neither are they) but thought I ought to check if I was missing something before ploughing on regardless...

I can see where your DH is coming from in trying to hide that there was ever prejudice against homosexuality so that your children don't start taking it on themselves. Like, they pass tables in your house every day and don't give them a second look, but they might if people started telling them how great it is that we are allowed tables now after people thinking they were dangerous for so long.

However

1. he is being ridiculous to think he can hide it for more than a few years and
2. he is very misguided to try and do so - he has kind of got to the 'level 1' stage of anti-ism where you pretend everyone is exactly like the dominant group (colourblindness etc), but that doesn't actually recognise the reality of living in a group that isn't the dominant one or the struggles real people have faced because of it, which are important. If your DC don't grow up recognising that those realities exist, then they are going to be either irritatingly unaware of their own privilege or in for a huge shock when they come out themselves.

Ronalsosabs put it very well - he assumes by labelling a facet of someone's persoanlity makes that facet inferior. But it doesn't. Saying I have brown hair doesn't make brown hair inferior. Saying I'm an atheist doesn't make atheism inferior. Saying I'm disabled doesn't make being disabled inferior.... But not saying gay or lesbian makes it into something which mustn't be acknowledged. And that implies its inferiority.