to think DH thinks I am stupid?

[pinemartine]

It is driving me mad.

If I am driving somewhere without him, he pores over maps and works out the "best route" for me.

On the rare occasion I am driving, he instructs me about other cars and speed cameras.

He goes on about what I "should" do, with an emphasis on "should."
"Well, of course, what you should do is ..."

He reminds me to do things and tells me to finish things (essays, fuel forms, put the bins out.) I know it sounds stupid but I end up feeling all cross at constantly being told off like a naughty child. It causes rows and he doesn't see how irritating it is.

AIBU?

Nope, not a guy thing but a twat thing . Tell him to pack it in.

My DH 'kindly' spent a few hours finding/planning a long unfamiliar train journey route for me despite me repeating that I had it under control and knew where I was going and what I was doing. He 'researched' and priced up each leg of the journey separately in SUCH a faffy way then proudly showed me the route on the Ipad. I looked at it, took the Ipad off him, googled the entire journey on The Trainline which then brought up the exact same results, prices and timetables within seconds......... I showed him my result and just said 'like that?'. He then acted as if I was totally ungrateful that he was taking time to look after me etc!

years ago my BIL sat in the passenger seat and frequently muttered "brake" in the way a driving instructor would.

He had not even sat his driving test at that point

I never ever gave him a lift again and never will

I can read a map, and have maps in the car, but I also have a GPS and my phone.

My in-laws took my kids to Amish country recently. MIL's car has built-in GPS, which they had never used. My 16-year-old son helped them set it up, and they got to their destination in 45 minutes, and all was well. On the way back, FIL, who is terribly stubborn and complained about the GPS the whole time, insisted on using a map. It took them over 2 hours to get home.

My DH used to do this, many years ago when we were first living together (together 7yrs by that point.) His mainbut not onlything was to check the washing machine after I put it on; every single time he checked it to make sure I did it right.

In the end I told him that if he did it again I would never, ever, do the washing again.

He did it again.

I have not done a wash in 13yrs.

Stopped him doing it though :D

OP what you should do is...

Sorry couldn't resist.

My DH is a shit passenger. He does realise this and so we have come to a compromise which is that on a night out, he drives and I get pissed. (I will v occasionally swap but only if he gets pissed enough to fall asleep and hence doesn't back seat drive.)

However all the other examples would drive me mad. Does he really honestly think he is Better Than You?

My sister does this.... soooooooo annoying

Dh does this did this until the day I stopped the car in the middle of the road, told him to shut up or get out and from then onwards (probably about 8 years ago) I have refused to drive him anywhere.
If it was an emergency of course I would but otherwise, no flipping way.

My DP huffs and puffs and stares at the gear stick in a most patronising manner when I drive (which is all the time now he has really bad eyes and got his licence medically rescinded). The other day we got 50 meters from the house on a day out and I pulled over and told him to stop it or get out. He got out and we carried on. I think he expected me to tell him to get back in. He was wrong! It's soooo annoying and makes me really anxious.

I would find it so hard not to play up to it! Sitting spooning air into my mouth in the morning cos he's not told me my cereal is finished. Getting in to bed fully clothed cos he didn't tell me to put on my pjs. Putting the dinner in he oven without turning it on and not reslising for an hour. Doing the washing up with no water in the bowl. Ironing all his socks but none of his shirts. Trying to get out the car with my seatbelt still on. Driving everywhere in first because he'd not told me to change gear...

YANBU. He sounds like a patronising know it all and needs pulling up on it.

dp tells me how to use the clutch. But it must be genetic as his father does too and he's never been in a car with me driving (and he's a sexist twat so I expect he thinks women shouldn't drive. dp mother never learnt, funnily enough).

It must be genetic, because the only other explanation is that DP has complained to his DF about my driving and that surely can't be right......

Dp DF tells me the way I drive will burn the clutch out. I've had my car eight years, it's thirteen years old and done 220k miles. I think if the clutch burns out now I'll just accept it. I've never burnt out any other clutches either mind you.

god, I'd find this annoying and patronising at best as well. My Ex does something like this when it comes to any project - no interest in the planning or execution of anything (which is not fun and would involve his time and effort) but great interest in the critique after - you SHOULD have done....did you realise you SHOULD have done etc ...(as presumably that's more fun for him and also involves no effort on his part and he gets to sound superior!).

Maybe you could try reacting subtly each time with a raised eyebrow, a sardonic smile and a "thank...you" each time, like a stock response- it might make him realise how often he's doing it and how annoying/patronising he's being?

A big sardonic fuck off might do it for me.

Am expecting this to be shifted in to pregnancy.

Yanbu. I'd do the same as Nonna and just stop the car and tell him to get out. Preferably on the way to a 2 week holiday or something

My dh doesn't do this while I'm driving, but on the odd occasion when he has unwittingly patronised me in other areas I have had told him to do one without compunction.

Don't put up with it, it just encourages it.

My dad indulged in back seat driving when I'd been driving for about a year.

We were 30 miles from home, when he started up again, so I pulled to the kerb, and asked if he'd like to walk home. Of course, he didn't so to hammer it home, I asked him who was driving the car.... he's never done it again.

I do think that DP may have finally twigged why I don't really like driving if he's in the car.

I have one of these too! I find pointing out that I managed adult life just fine before I met him, so why does he feel the need to correct everything I do? I don't think he even realised he does it!

We are visiting the in laws and his mum has just shouted at him for telling her what to do as I read this

My mother does this to me......she 'helpfully' tell me there are no cars coming......but doesn't mention she only meant from her direction.......God knows how many times we would have crashed thanks to her and her helpfulness if I didn't ignore her (though it does bugger up your concentraition)

Oh yes!

He has not been able to drive for almost twenty years and does try to resist doing the passenger seat driver thing but sometimes cannot stop himself.

He does the "hmmm, red traffic light ahead", "hmmm theres a junction up ahead", "hmmm, theres a car coming" thing quite a lot.

His sight is awful so he often doesn't see things the way they actually are and will grab the door handle and hisssssssss with anxiety if he cannot see that the gap really is (yes really) big enough for the car to go through.

His saving grace is that he is shit hot at navigation and route planning. He also has the ability to navigate round a city he has never visited before.

This week I got a Tomtom to use when driving alone...navigation, the whole left and right nonsense and finding my way out of a paper bag are all a huge mystery to me so it's a useful tool to have.

Today we went out together for the first time post Tomtom. He spent the journey arguing with it!

I love him to bits but he drives me potty in the car.