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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

(stbx)mil cut dd's hair

46 replies

whogrewoutoftheterribletwos · 09/08/2015 14:05

Please give me some perspective here:

Kids were away at their gm's for a holiday. Got back yesterday. Discovered she had taken it upon herself to cut dd a fringe. dd is 2 and had never had a haircut up until this point. She had no split ends and it was growing out. stbxh claims it's because she decided it was in dc's eyes (it naturally swept to the side and out of her eyes). It's also been done badly and is awkward around the sides and not completely straight. AIBU to think she's completely over-stepped the mark, as she does NOT get to decide what my dd looks like? I'm really pissed off about it. I possibly might be over-reacting though as I am a complete mess at the moment

OTOH she has form for this - dressing ds in the most god-awful clothes, combing his hair into ridiculous side partings, deliberately over-ruling/ignoring my wishes on various things (not appearance related). I've told the dc's father to tell her I'm really unhappy about this and not to dare do it again

OP posts:

Reginafalangie · 09/08/2015 17:06

Don't want to derail the thread but

Oh the other reginafalangie how long have you had that nn as I have had this one long time and same nn type things are not the done thing!

As you were sorry again.

ReginaFelangi · 09/08/2015 17:09

Since about 2010.....

SurlyCue · 09/08/2015 17:14

My mum did this to ds2. I wasnt happy but i bit my tongue.

SuburbanRhonda · 09/08/2015 17:18

What would annoy me is that you are now committed to maintaining a fringe.

The alternative is growing it out and then it will go through a phase of properly being in your DD's eyes, or she will have to have it pinned back, or a hairband or hair grips - just a big faff for a 2-year-old.

GhostsComeWith · 09/08/2015 17:26

OP I would be FURIOUS regardless if it was my mother or my MIL (though FAR more likely to be my own mother as MIL has never spent as much as 10 mins alone with dd in 9yrs through her own lack of interest).

And it is exactly the sort of thing my mother would have done except it had happened in our family a few years before so she knew my feelings on things like that. Her sister was minding her own grandson when we was a todder and she gave him a short back and sides even though her DIL was growing his hair into a sort of pageboy style. DIL went mad and gave out to my aunt. Aunt and my mother don't like DIL for all sorts of reasons (none of which are very vaild) so my mother started telling me all about this in a 'dreadful dil sort of way'. I didn't have kids then but told my mother that aunt was absolutely out of order and that I would flip out if someone did that to my child. DM defended her sister ad honestly didn't want to see how awful it was. I bring it up at regular intervals just to keep it fresh in my dm's mind and she has never attempted anything similar

tobysmum77 · 09/08/2015 17:34

yanbu op

but the hair cutting has been covered many times before.

the story of the ear piercing is just a step beyond

Reginafalangie · 09/08/2015 17:46

That's funny cos when I AS you it shows your earliest post as being 02/08/15.

Seriously having the same nn really isn't the done thing on here and although I can't make you change it, if the shoe was on the other foot I would change mine as well I am nice.

Sorry for butting in OP I will leave your thread alone now it just feels strangely intrusive to have your nn send

SmokingGun · 09/08/2015 17:55

Yanbu, I would tell your MIL not to do it again in any circumstance

NormanLamont · 09/08/2015 22:28

Since about 2010.....

That's funny cos when I AS you it shows your earliest post as being 02/08/15

Reginafalangie · 09/08/2015 22:37

Sorry me again. Turns out AS let me down and apparently I am the nn thief so I must apologise to the original Regina for my false accusations. And again to the OP for the high jack

DixieNormas · 09/08/2015 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/08/2015 22:47

Are you going to change it now then Rf sorry but that made me laugh.

Op yanbu there are certain things that you should not do without parental permision.

BarbarianMum · 09/08/2015 22:54

Y mum did this w ds1. I said that I'd rather she didn't do it again and she never did (even though she thought I was being precious). It doesn't have to be a big drama.

ScorpioMermaid · 10/08/2015 08:06

Yanbu. its one of my biggest hates in life!
My MIL did this once 10 years ago when dd was 3. she had curls and no Fringe and came back one day looking like she had cut herself a fringe in. It was almost up to the top of her forehead and about 2 cm longer one side than the other. It was a mess and was too flipping short to rectify and too short to clip back. I was furious. what annoyed me more was the fact that she had her first nursery photos the next day and ive got these first pics now and she looks horrendous. I never specifically told MIL not to do it again (she hasnt) but I think the look of "WTF?!" on my face said it all for me.

ShadyMyLady · 10/08/2015 08:13

Sorry but I think yabu, I can't understand why you would get worked up over such a thing. It'll grow back, it's not the end of the world.

I don't know why first haircuts are seen as being a big deal? I just can't get my knickers in a twist about it.

Regina the 2nd made me

Noseypoke · 10/08/2015 08:18

My sister's exMIL did this recently. My sister had taken her DS to the hairdresser the day before so was furious. What her ex MIL has done looks awful. YANBU.

Bullshitbingo · 10/08/2015 09:42

Would not be impressed. My dd has beautiful hair. I had a particularly awful fringe as a child so I've made a point of not cutting one into hers so it is all one length and can be put into ponytails/plaits etc out of her face when needed. If my dm/mil did this I wouldn't go postal, but would make it very clear that they'd fucked up. Luckily none of my famy would do this because they're not nutters

Bullshitbingo · 10/08/2015 09:43

Family!

Redshoes55 · 10/08/2015 09:57

Don't get the first hair cuts a big deal.

However as a mil I wouldn't dream of doing this. It's utterly intrusive, controlling and out of order.

Even if my sons asked me to cut a grandchild a hair I would first check with the mother. Why the fuck wouldn't you.

littlejohnnydory · 10/08/2015 10:14

My mum and Grannie are obsessed with hair going in children's eyes - they can't leave my dds' hair alone if they wear it down and used to put me in some God awful fabric headbands as a child - perhaps it's an older generation thing! But YANBU, your MIL totally overstepped the mark and I'd be fuming.

coff33addict · 10/08/2015 10:18

annoying but Dd is only 2 and the hair will grow again. not worth to be overly upset about it. I really don't get all the outrage about it. it was a fringe and not a full hair cut.

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