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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To declare myself an alcoholic and try and beat it alone?

40 replies

ResidentNevil · 08/08/2015 19:39

Basically I drink 5 - 6 cans of lager every Friday and Saturday night of every week. I honestly can't remember the last time I woke up without a hangover on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Sometimes o drink Thursday nights and Sunday nights too meaning some weeks there are only 3 alcohol free nights. It's progressively got worse over the past two years and today - after suffering a banging headache and nausea all day whilst trying to put a front on for my son at the theme park - I've realised enough is enough.
In the past two years my drinking has caused me to put on a stone in weight.
Miss a shift at work due to hangover.
Turn up to work with a hangover on numerous occasions.
Miss my hobby class (I've not been now for three months) as its on a Friday night and cuts into my drinking time.
Bevome embroiled in many arguments with my fiancé (although he can be an absolute bastard and often starts the arguments ... But if I've had a drink I bite the bait whilst otherwise, I wouldn't.

And basically I just feel fat, ugly, have constant hangovers and feel guilty constantly about my drinking.

AIBU to think I can go cold turkey alone? Often I get through the working week looking forward to Friday (or Thursday!) knowing I can get plastered Sad

OP posts:
CharleyDavidson · 08/08/2015 19:41

There's a dry thread in relationships that has lots of people who have, for one reason or another, given up alcohol. I'm sure you'd find lots of support and advice there.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 08/08/2015 19:41

try AA?

Original poster
ResidentNevil · 08/08/2015 19:42

Bare in mind dP buys a crate of beer in every weekend and refuses to stop this saying I shouldn't expect other people to miss out just because I can't control myself

OP posts:
CharleyDavidson · 08/08/2015 19:43

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2432985-DRY-8

LokiBear · 08/08/2015 19:45

Of course you can do it. You do it Monday - Wednesday. You are not dependant on alcohol (although it is a slippery slope) so you just need to try and maintain your will power. You absolutely can do that. It takes 40 days to form a habit. By this time next month you could be completely different. All you need to do is avoid temptation, starting tonight. You can do it.

LokiBear · 08/08/2015 19:46

30 days^

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/08/2015 19:49

I think if you want to try to change things it can be hard to see what is going on without outside help. For example, I see a massive, lit-up sign, pointing at your DP saying ENABLER on it. Do you see the issues with the relationship contributing and have a plan to deal with that? Because AA or an alcohol counselor might help with this.

paxtecum · 08/08/2015 19:51

Wishing you strength of mind and body to change your life.

Your weekends and your life will be so much better without the hangovers.
Instead of looking forward to a drink you could look forward to resuming your hobby.
If you yearn for a cold fizzy drink buy some sparkling water to drink.

It may be the end of your relationship but that may be for the better.

I speak as someone who wasted many weekends of my life taking cocaine.

pointythings · 08/08/2015 19:51

Join the dry thread. You may want to try by moderating first, you are drinking quite a lot and you may have side effects from going cold turkey. In the past 8 weeks my DH has gone from 12-18 units every single night (loads more than you!) to a max of 4 a night with one day a week sober - it can be done. He's done it stepwise.

I won't lie, it is hard if your partner doesn't moderate their drinking habits too - I went dry for the whole month of June, and have now gone to not drinking at all Mon-Thu and a lot less on the weekend.

The benefits are so worth it - better sleep, weight loss, more energy - you should go for it. And if you can't do it alone or with the lovely people on MN, then you can always go to AA.

Good luck. Flowers

Original poster
ResidentNevil · 08/08/2015 19:58

Thanks for the support guys. I did dry January so I know I can do it. I just hate that Friday feeling that gets me all excited when I think about getting home and opening a beer - it makes me feel like my weekends are not weekends without it.
My sleep is awful when I've had a drink - I often wake up at 4am gagging for fluid, my head spinning, hot and sweaty ... And all for what? A few cold cans in front of the tv ... It's not even like I'm having s great time whilst drinking!!
I used to go to my karate class Friday nights - that stopped as I felt it got in the way of my opening my first can. I used to also go on s Sunday - but that dwindled as karate is bloody difficult with a hangover. It's taking over my life - I've even turned down well paid over time shifts on a Saturday/Sunday as I didn't want to miss out on a night of heavy drinking.
Anyway I'm staying dry tonight and going to karate tomorrow. The real test will come next Thursday / Friday night. I'll check out the dry thread, thanks x

OP posts:
MrsGentlyBenevolent · 08/08/2015 19:58

I wouldn't say you are an addict, but you have a very bad habit. It can be broken though! At least you have acknowledged the negative effect it's having on your life, that's an excellent step to take.

I suggest looking at the support forums on here. I personally went through a bad time with drinking, I could easily go without but when I did drink I had no limit. The thing that made me get a grip was one 'morning after the night before', I woke up with zero memories of the previous night. My friend told me I had basically started vomiting everywhere, then passed out so hard they thought I had stopped breathing at one point. It scared and embarrassed me enough to re-evaluate my relationship with alcohol. I now (well, not right now at all due to pregnancy), only have a drink one day a week, and never get 'drunk'. I'm lucky my partner barely drinks at all, so that helps keep to moderation as well. That's just my story though, you'll find your own way through this, and feel so much better for it Flowers.

Atenco · 08/08/2015 20:10

Still not there myself, but you could use the money you save to do something lovely

noeffingidea · 08/08/2015 20:10

I used to drink like you, not every night but I couldn't go more than 3 days without strong cravings (not all alcoholics drink every day).
I did go cold turkey, it was rough for a week or so but after that I started to enjoy it.
It's a really good idea to go back to karate. Throw yourself into it, maybe set yourself a goal (a grading?). Karate's an intense sport and you need something to focus on.
I've got to be honest though, I would have found it very difficult to have alcohol in the house, though I'm fine in a pub or at a party where others are drinking.
Best of luck. Life is good when you're free.

HermioneWeasley · 08/08/2015 20:13

You can break this bad habit, it you probably have to accept you won't be able to have any kind of alcohol for a long time.

Your DP sounds like a cock - have you considered giving him up as well?

mollyonthemove · 08/08/2015 20:23

I finally gave up drinking in October 2013. I had been drinking far too much for far too long and just had to. I did it 'by myself' as in with no agencies or support groups, but the thread had just started in it's first incarnation and I was on there all the time! It is the best thing I have ever done, hard yes, but sooo worth it Grin. pop over

mollyonthemove · 08/08/2015 20:24

The Dry threads I mean Grin

maggieryan · 08/08/2015 20:25

I think a lot of women drink too much. My friend is a doctor and she said the amount if women that attend hospital with liver problems.is scary. She said wine is the greatest culprit. I drink too much too. I admit that and have had this conversation with a few friends (who also drink too much) and they all deny it and make excuses. Good luck and hope you can kick it. At least you're admitting it and that's the first stage x

Janeymoo50 · 08/08/2015 20:33

The very fact you posted this means you have acknowledged you might/have a problem. A lot of what you say rings true with me (but wine not lager). I made the effort to stop on a Friday by starting to do something I knew I loved doing on a Saturday and didn't want to ruin that, it worked totally. It didn't stop me on a Saturday though. I think the key thing is realising the trigger....mine was loneliness, and trying to deal with that, but there is help out there - good luck.

pointythings · 08/08/2015 20:33

maggie you're so right - wine is so easy, isn't it? I decided to change when I got a really bad cold, couldn't taste a thing, poured myself a glass, tasted nothing and thought 'what the hell am I doing?'. Then totted up my weekly intake - 42 units! Shock

I'm comfortably below the limit now and couldn't be happier.

KevinKnowsImMiserableNow · 08/08/2015 20:37

I'm like Molly. Gave up by myself with no ill-effects.

Been 8 months now and I don't miss it.

Good luck Smile

Bogeyface · 08/08/2015 20:48

I cant help thinking that if you gave up your "D"P you wouldnt need that drink so much.......

Kick him into touch first, a man who has a go at you for drinking too much, picks fights and is in your words "an absolute bastard", while also buying in a crate of beer a week, is not your friend.

saltnpepa · 08/08/2015 21:25

You need to do it properly for your son, he will know you are an alcoholic. Contact social services so they can make sure you are looking after your son properly which I doubt you are if you are pissed most evenings and hung over most days. Try putting him first. It's a choice.

DeckSwabber · 08/08/2015 21:28

Its hard because when you open that first can/bottle of the night its like saying - phew! I can put every piece of shit to one side for the next few hours.

I got into a similar pattern and totally get it.

A few things that have helped me is doing more active stuff at the weekend, such as swimming on a Friday night, early morning running club. I have the odd night when I have a few glasses of wine but it really knocks me back when I do, so I try to think - is it worth it? Think through the drink.... My triggers were feeling lonely, stress... so I try to meet those needs in other ways.

Stay away from your partner if you feel fragile - go to the cinema (on your own if needs be!), go for a walk.

Good luck. None of this is easy but acknowledging things are getting out if hand is a really good first step

maggieryan · 08/08/2015 22:31

Pointythings, wine is terribly easy to drink. I open the bottle with the intention of having one or two glasses and before I know it wine is gone! I now have now started buying half bottles which does not make sense value wise but least I know I'm Im only going to drink two glasses. That's the way I stop myself. Embarrassing to admit but it works for me!

noeffingidea · 08/08/2015 23:52

I agree about wine. I used to drink a whole bottle in an hour. My last session I drank virtually a whole box (3 bottles I believe) in a few hours. That was my lot ,for ever. That was years ago and I don't miss it now.