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to think that my DS nursery just tells me what they think I want to hear

16 replies

TigerLily666 · 08/08/2015 14:16

Frankly I am feeling a bit p*ded off with all the nursery stuff. While I am generally happy with my DS nursery, I can't help but think that they pay lip service to parents and they all nurseries are generally the same in this respect.

Despite what they say on visits, in inspection reports, at parents evening etc I have come to the conclusion that they have their routines and ways and you fit in with it and the level of care can never be what you provide yourselves as parents. Whenever I raise things they tell me they will see to it but sometimes I do wonder ...

Oh it's nothing major but I get tired of asking them repeatedly to put his eczema cream on, finding soiled vests to take home because his nappy has leaked (this never happens at home), insisting he gets offered another choice at lunch because he really doesn't like soup, oh and the best one yet, ending up at A&E because he'd stuffed a leaf up his nose on their watch (nursery response to that was 'oh he must have done it really quickly' - D'oh - you think!). I do think the staff sit around a lot of the time (especially when its the occasional sunny day), without actually watching the kids properly.

Sadly I am at one of the better nurseries so dread to think what it would be like elsewhere

Just feeling a bit disillusioned by the whole nursery stuff and wishing I had were more options. Wish there was more support for mums to staff at home longer - and be respected and valued for it. Or nursery staff better paid and ratios of staff to kids higher

OP posts:

Sirzy · 08/08/2015 14:21

Tbh I think you are wrong in saying you are at one of the better nurseries and would be moving.


Paddingtonthebear · 08/08/2015 14:22

I think you need to find a better nursery or childminder. I use a nursery and haven't had any concerns at all. There are good and bad out there.


igetitnow · 08/08/2015 14:22

The eczema cream - fair enough. They should be putting that on him.
Leaking nappies, that happens, so I don't think that is a big deal
Others will likely disagree but i feel yabu regarfing demanding he gets offered different at lunch. There are so many kids in nursery that the cook cannot possibly cook different for every child who's parent says so
The leaf up the nose, again that happens. Not ideal to end up in a and e, but they cannot watch them 100% of the time. Accidents happen at home too. I ended up in a and e with DS because he stuck a bean in his ear. Yes, preventable if I'd been watching him, but I can't watch him every second of every day.

I don't think the nursery sounds too bad. The cream is the only thing I would have real issues with.


igetitnow · 08/08/2015 14:23

I do get that it must be frustrating though as you only want the best, I totally understand that. If you really aren't comfortable is moving an option?


Micah · 08/08/2015 14:24

How do you know you're at one of the better nurseries if you don't know what else is out there- I take "dread to think" as you don't actually know?

If you're not happy look around. I never had any of this kind of thing with our nursery. I was more than happy with the care they gave, and in some cases, it was better than I could do! (Menu more varied, they potty trained them all really easily, more messy play, visits to fire stations, lots of things).

I found with both schools and nurseries what's "best" on paper isn't always in reality. I looked at two nurseries, and chose the one that felt right, even though it wasn't perceived as "best".


Floggingmolly · 08/08/2015 14:27

Putting your child in full time nursery because you want to / have to work is a hell of a lot different to refusing to stay at home because you won't be respected or valued enough.
Why do you need to be?
And the nursery most certainly isn't one of the better ones, even uf it's more expensive than the others. Don't confuse cost with quality.


Drivinghomeforchristmasornot · 08/08/2015 14:31

I've picked my ds up from nursery at various times of the day unexpectedly and have never once found him in a position where the carers weren't giving the children 100% of their attention. I wouldn't be impressed if they were just sitting around. I'm sure you could find a better nursery.


TigerLily666 · 12/08/2015 12:24

Hi folks
thanks for replies. Always interesting to hear other people's views. for what it's worth I did look at a lot of nurseries and this was the best of the lot. I saw nurseries where kids were left to cry, lack of activities, staff moving all the time, lack of outside space, etc etc.

I am very first to admit that I am very fussy so I expect most people would be very happy with the care at my nursery. The point I was trying to make is nursery and / or childminder care it is not the same as 1 on 1 time - they cannot be watching every child or the time and sometimes some children do get left for e.g. if you have four kids who all need their nappies changing some have to wait

Re the valued and respected stuff, like many others I needed to go back to work to (a) retain a job and (b) earn a bit of money to support my family. I think women should have the option of taking more unpaid maternity time if they want to without it affecting how they are viewed at work and there should be more support for women who choose to take longer out of the workplace.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 12/08/2015 12:28

You want your ds supervised so closely that he doesn't have access to his own nose? Or access to leaves?


VeryPunny · 12/08/2015 12:38

If you have another child, your eldest won't get 1 to 1 either....
FWIW your nursery sounds a bit pants - the only one I wouldnt' have an issue with is the soup for lunch, a nursery can't accommodate likes/dislikes. At ours there is a substantial cold morning snack (pitta and cream cheese with veggies for example), a cooked lunch with pudding and a hot tea (soup, beans on toast or similar) so the chances of them not finding something to eat all day are minimal.

Like a PP, have made many unexpected visits to our nursery and never seen anything I wouldn't be happy with.


littleducks · 12/08/2015 12:42

It isn't the same as 1:1 care but for many children 1:1 care is a very rare occurance, only my pfb had 1:1 care for more thanshort periods of time, my others had 1:2/1:3. Huge benefits in terms of socialisation.

I am surprised you want another meal option, is it soup served alone, my ds is served soup with bread so I would expect if he isn't so keen that he eats less soup and more bread for that meal. Unless there is an additional need/sensory issue I would expect him to try/eat some components of the meal. Presumerably he also is served a fruit snack and tea so isn't going to be going short of food?


TigerLily666 · 12/08/2015 12:48

Re the food thing, the nursery states in their policies that if I child genuinely doesn't like something they will offer an alternative. My view is that if they cannot accommodate this they shouldn't put in their policies.

My son is lactose intolerant - I already provide the nursery with special milk, and dairy free options so that he has a pudding etc.

OP posts:

duckydinosaur · 12/08/2015 18:17

YANBU. Of course a nursery will never offer the same level of care you do. You are your children's parents and you love them. Nursery workers are minimal wages employers, sometimes only with little qualifications. Personally I wouldn't send my child to nursery as I feel it is important for under 3s to be with their primary care giver. They learn so much at this age and I wouldn't want to hand that task over to a random stranger to do. Also you hear so many horror stories. Why would you put you and your child through that?


rallytog1 · 12/08/2015 18:34

Of course a nursery won't provide an equivalent kind of care to what you would give your DS one on one. But come back to this thread when you're trying to look after 3 dcs on your own and I bet you start to feel less bothered about your nursery's shortcomings.


crazyoldfish · 12/08/2015 18:38

What others have said. Find another nursery. My kids between them have been at an amazing one for 5 years. They have had less accidents than with us. Eaten amazing food and we have all felt the love of the staff for the kids. Not to mention all the 'social' behaviour they seemed to teach without ever being cross or punitive. So impressed.


dobbythedoggy · 12/08/2015 21:19

YABUR to think all nurseries pay lip service to parents. I'm sure there are some that do. You are right the care that is provided is never going to be the same that you'd provide personally.

To address the points in your op.

  • Putting on his cream. Should be happening. It sounds like they need a better method for remebering this. Was it filled in as part of his care plan when he started? Have his needs changed since then? Do they record that your having to ask for it to be put on? Have you ever made the request in writing?

Things can be very easily forgotten from handover if not recorded quickly. The best nusery I've worked in had an appointed person for handover on a rota who were not included in ratios for that time who recorded everything said. That nursery recorded every phone call, interaction with parents so very little was ever missed.

  • I do find that nappies are more likely to leak at nursery than at home. You'll know how to put his nappy on so it sits just right for him, you've had lots of practice! While nursery staff change a lot more nappies it takes a lot of practice to remember how each indivdual child needs there nappy positioned. It takes trail and error to learn, and depending on the nursery's set up quite a large number if people need to learn this. In my experice lots of the younger staff memebers employed by nuseries will often be affraid of doing a nappy too tight and making the child uncomfortable. Highly qualified but inexperenced staff can be a headache too because they haven't developed the practical skills needed to survive in a nursery. But they obviously notice the nappy has leaked and are ensuring he has clean clothes. Some of the bad nurseries I know would leave children in it. Best practice in my oppinion is to change before children need it so you don't end up with 4 children so 3 having to wait. If more than 1 has soiled at the same time I'd always call for help and for other chidlren to be changed in different changing areas.

  • Offering an alternitive lunch depends on what you expect. If you expect a completely different hot meal I think I'd consider that unreasonable, unless it's because of his dairy allergy (it shouldn't be a problem to cater to in advance). Children's tastes do change with time, they need to experence things even if they don't like them. I'd never want a child to go hungery and alterntives would always be offered after initally trying or just tolirating having it put in front of them. If another sutiable hot meal was avaliable that would be offered, ie vegetarian alternitive if the meat was disliked. But if not bread and butter, simple sandwhiches, vegetable sticks and dips, fruit and other standard snacks would be offered. This is how I think the policy you've mentioned would usually be interprited in most settings. Personally quite impressed they regually serve soup, the practicalities of that make my mind boggle, to give the support needed even with small groups of young children must be a mission. I've only ever done soup as side to main meal that the children have been involved in making surved from cups.

  • Leaf up nose; children do do things quickly. You won't be able to prevent all acidents, no nursery can either. But I don't think you should be getting the feeling the staff are sitting around chatting. This would worry me, and make me wonder what the management were doing, parents shouldn't be getting that idea! I've done 10 plus years in varrious nurseries and rarely sat and done nothing unless supervising a sleep room. There is always something to do in a nursery and I went into caring for under 3s because I love playing, reading stories, being on the floor with them, making exciting activities or observing them. Staff in the nurseries I've worked in who thing it's acceptable to sit around and gosip have quickly learned it was not on!

To me it sounds like you want to be at home but as you said you need to support your family and your carer would suffer. Having friends in other areas of the world I do think the uk system for maternity leave is better than most, but certainly not perfect. I've taken time out to care for dd myself, putting her in care was simply not practical with the hours I was needed to work. But am passionate about providing good care for young children and training early years staff to do so!
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