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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how the hell you cope with a toddler and LIFE?

41 replies

SisterSage · 08/08/2015 09:09

I have a one year old and I just cannot cope. He's still waking multiple times a night. Cosleeping once he wakes sort of helps with this but I don't sleep well when he's in bed with us. If DH goes in to resettle him he just screams for me and wakes up properly.

Then during the day he's into everything, constantly. Except his toys. He has about a three second attention span with those, but will happily sit destroying things for hours
hours. Really he's not a problem though - he's just being 1, and I get that. The problem is me - I cannot summon the energy to get anything done other than a minimal level of feeding, clothing and preventing him killing himself. Our flat is a midden which is really getting me down as I'm actually naturally a tidy person. We just never seem to fix it -just move the stuff around as there's never time to properly finish anything with DS around. He's starting nursery three days a week soon, but I'm going back to uni so.Although I'll get a break from him I'm actually going to have less time to do everything. At the moment I don't even have a chance to wash my hair as he runs away, or bangs his head if j trap him in the bathroom with me. DH does.lots but works shifts and is also permanently exhausted.

I just cannot cope and would love to know how other people do. Let alone with more than one. I feel utterly pathetic.

OP posts:

goodnessgraciousgouda · 08/08/2015 13:03

OP - Another thing to try would be to put him in the play pen, leave the door open, and try singing in the other room/shower/whatever either on your own or along to quiet music. He might still cry, but not quite as much when he can still hear that you are nearby.

Otherwise others might disagree, but I don't think he will be emotionally scarred for life if you leave him crying for a while whilst you do things that need to be done and have some very much needed space!

lemoncordial · 08/08/2015 13:03

I could have written your post. Dd is 11 months old. She's climbs on everything and is into everything (except her toys). I'm back at work full time but I didn't actually have any more time when I was on mat leave anyway. She will only tolerate a matter of minutes in a high chair or play pen. I can't totally baby proof one room, too many hazards. Dh and I have barely no time for housework and my flat is in chaos.

atotalshambles · 08/08/2015 13:11

Hi OP. I have an 1 year old like your ds. We get out by 9ish and have a kick about at a nearby exercise park. He has at least an hour of walking/climbing and when I get home he is not as full on so I can do a bit of tidying. I do the same after his afternoon nap. The trick is to tire them out (they are little so after an hour or so are exhausted). Even a walk to the shops can exhaust them. Once they are tired they are happy with the more chilled out play and you can get on and do your errands.

ruthsmumkath · 08/08/2015 13:12

I get up earlier than lo and know that in a couple of years I'll miss this stage I'm sure ????

Pixi2 · 08/08/2015 13:21

Just carry on muddling through. I had 2 under 2yrs at one point. They're now 4&5 years, the 4yr old starts school this year and all I can say is that it does get better. I may have a semblance of a life with interests other than a few minutes on mn soon.

timealone · 08/08/2015 13:29

My DS is the same age and is also into everything, all the time. He barely notices his toys anymore, but just wants to go inside all cupboards/drawers etc. It is tough to get any housework or cooking done if I am on my own, particularly as he can open the oven and reach the dials on the hob, so the kitchen is not safe for him at all. However, I can occupy him for about 15 minutes or so with either the pram or the vacuum cleaner as he loves to investigate both (actually, he is getting toy versions of each for his birthday!). Is there anything like that you could use? I feel like it is safer than some of the other stuff he wants to do!

I have just gone back to work this week, and actually it has not been as bad as I thought in terms of housework and cooking. Basically because when I am home, DH is too so at least there is one of us to watch him while the other gets on with stuff.

TremoloGreen · 08/08/2015 15:06

Get out of the house. The earlier the better and don't return home til he's tired enough for a good nap. This is the only parenting trick I have but it keeps me sane.

Every morning, bare minimum- chuck them some toast, then teeth brushed, 3 minute shower for me (with tv on to stop the destruction), chuck nearest clothes on (I long ago stopped caring what I or DD look like) and out.

TremoloGreen · 08/08/2015 15:09

Oh and our house is a tip all the time. I have a blitz now and then when DD is sleeping. When she was at the bf through the night stage, I let DH do it.

toomuchtooold · 08/08/2015 15:14

Sleep train him, honestly. At one it's possible and normal for a baby to be sleeping maybe 10-11 hours a night, with one or two naps in the day of an hour or so. At that age he might wake once or twice for milk, no biggie, but if he's learned to go back to sleep on his own that'll be it and you'll get the evening to yourself plus a decent sleep AND time to do stuff in the day.

Don't punch me right, but I had twins and at 1 year it was a piece of piss because they were sleeping properly. It makes all the difference.

TremoloGreen · 08/08/2015 15:14

Oh and it does get TONS better when they start walking! But if you go to the park, he can still crawl around, go on swings and slides, get all excited about dogs. And he won't be messing up the house!

DoItTooJulia · 08/08/2015 15:47

Oh, ages 1-2 are the worst for this. You think it should be getting easier, but it doesn't get significantly easier until theyre two. Walking and talking. Massive sympathies.

That said, each age brings its own challenges. Joyful, this parenting malarkey! Good job we love 'em

GreyBird84 · 08/08/2015 16:57

OP I understand.

This week I have resorted to playpen & TV to do housework. I slow cook everything overnight & I shower b4 he wakes & am currently sporting the high bun look so I only have to rough dry my hair.

I get out at least once a day either a walk group or town. I work part time & honestly you see getting your lunch in peace & toilet breaks....amazing.

Good luck!

toffeeboffin · 08/08/2015 18:46

I have no advice to give whatsoever, just camaraderie.

I have a 19 month old, and I have no idea how people with one than one cope. I can only do stuff if DS is asleep or not in the house. Otherwise it's just chaos. I work full time, and let's just say that somethings just have to give: in our case it's housework.

Dutch1e · 08/08/2015 18:48

As you've said up thread OP, it's a really REALLY good idea to get out of the house. In all weathers. Kids need to be run like dogs, at least twice a day. If it's only climbing that he loves then go somewhere he can climb. And when he's walking properly, a local park will do. God help me I actually had one of those ball-throwing sticks for my daughter when she was young. Playing fetch was the only thing guaranteed to tire her out that didn't also exhaust me.

The bonus is that the house never got any messier when we were out (which you'll love about nursery/uni )

hiccupgirl · 08/08/2015 19:18

It will def get better with 3 days at uni. I went back to work when mine was 8 months old and the 3 days he was at nursery were a godsend at 18 months old when he was a total tornado who was into everything but also screamed and sobbed if I was out of sight.

Try and relax your standards at the moment. In a year or 2 time when he is sleeping better and understands more, you will be more on top of things and it will just be much easier.

LilyKiwi · 08/08/2015 21:51

He sounds exactly and I mean exactly the same as my one year old. Bad sleep, super active and incredibly attached to me! I've also got a four year old who never stops talking or asking questions and wants constant attention. My head is literally shot to pieces and I'm due back at work on Monday!

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