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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel so guilty about not being a guarantor?

40 replies

horsewalksintoabar · 08/08/2015 08:58

Did I even spell guarantor right? :-)
I hired a cleaner through an agency for almost a year. Nice girl. Not a brilliant cleaner but I felt kind of sorry for her. Her life was a shambles and often she would burst into tears about her love life and we'd talk over a cup of tea. Part of me felt stressed by her arrival on a Wednesday because I wanted her to just crack on with the cleaning. Often she wouldn't finish because we'd spent too much time talking. My fault. I should have nipped it in the bud. But you know, there's a lady in floods of tears while Viakal works its magic on the sink. I became a source of support.
So she left a month ago to move to another city with a fellow she'd fallen in love with. She gave notice, cried boatloads of tears, I gave her final pay plus a bonus and said farewell.
I recently got a message saying she'd left the fellow, come back to London and needed someplace to live very short term (it would have been about 2 weeks). I declined. I have a full house and my husband looked at me like I was mad. Even I thought I was mad to consider. But guilt overcame me. Anyway, she did not stay with us.
Two days ago, she informed me that she now has a place. Great. But she asked if I could be her guarantor. I swiftly declined. But I feel very guilty, mainly because I know how hard starting over again is. But still, I thought this was a big ask. She sent a lovely message telling me that's ok, she understands, but if I need a cleaner, she is available.
Now I feel awful because I definitely want some distance from this woman, but I don't want to be a complete jerk.
The thing is, I feel so guilty!! I should have been more helpful. The message I gave this lady is that I am helpful and kind. But in practice, I have proven not to be and I feel awful about this.

OP posts:
Indantherene · 08/08/2015 12:02

We stood guarantor for DS's car loan. We knew that if he defaulted we'd be liable. What we didn't know is that it's classed as your debt for future lending. We needed a loan for something a year or so later and the bank told us that - including DS's loan payments - we didn't have enough disposable income Shock and we were turned down.

Won't be doing that again.

FishWithABicycle · 08/08/2015 12:19

Of course you shouldn't be a guarantor for someone completely unrelated to you. Massively cheeky for her to ask. No.

SelfRaisingFlour · 08/08/2015 17:43

I volunteer at the CAB and being a guarantor is one of the ways people get into debt.

It would be a terrible idea. Her debt and rent arrears would become your problem.

PearHead · 08/08/2015 17:46

YANBU. You did the only responsible thing by refusing. She shouldn't even have asked you.

ohtheholidays · 09/08/2015 09:57

40 when I read your posts I thought you were talking about someone between 17 and 19.

No don't do it,you've already done a lot for this lady and she knows that.

You kept her on even though she wasn't doing a great job,you offered a shoulder to cry on and you gave her a bonus.

You've already done a lot more for that lady OP than most would.

LittleChinaPig · 09/08/2015 18:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

horsewalksintoabar · 10/08/2015 10:22

Thank you so much for such helpful replies! I feel so much better now! My husband's jaw dropped. And I knew it was terribly cheeky of her to ask but I thought, maybe with the language barrier- she is from Bulgaria- she didn't quite understand what she was asking of me.

Thank you very much for all of your help and support!

OP posts:
Charis1 · 10/08/2015 10:26

absolutely not! do not even consider being her guarantor. You are just giving her land lord unlimited access to your bank account- that would be complete madness!

laffymeal · 10/08/2015 10:32

Asking you was totally out of order. Don't feel guilty and don't cave in.

Andrewofgg · 10/08/2015 10:57

Neither a borrower nor a lender be . . . and a guarantor is just a lender waiting in the wings. Out of the question.

grapejuicerocks · 10/08/2015 11:00

Didn't she stay later to finish the jobs if you'd been talking? No wonder she had drama. It's far pleasanter to sit talking about your problems making them up with a cup of tea, than cleaning your toilet.
Did she just say "ooh times up, see you next week"?

Please don't feel guilty. You sound too nice.

januaryblues11 · 12/08/2015 18:01

I wouldn't even ask parents to be a guarantor. it's a huge ask. she could just take off leaving you responsible for all her rent. you did the right thing refusing.

spangledboots · 12/08/2015 18:21

YANBU - that's really only something family, a partner or incredibly close friend should do.

ratsintheattic · 12/08/2015 18:46

And keep the emails/texts between you in case she fakes your signature on the agreement. I can't believe she asked.

RedDaisyRed · 12/08/2015 18:49

Never let that happen again. By all means say hello to the cleaner but that's all and only let it take 30 seconds.

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