AIBU to be irritated by childcare double standard?

[wenchystrumpet]

A hard working man can rely on others (a partner, their mum, a nanny, daycare) to look after their child for 12 hours a day, even on weekends. As long as they are a kind, loving dad in the few hours they are at home (usually doing work stuff or relaxing, but willingly doing some childcare) they are an amaaazing dad.

A woman can use daycare (very high quality, child loves it) for said child four mornings a week, to work on establishing the skills she needs for a new career, and gets 'gosh, that's a long time she's in there' (from MIL, all the time) and DP making allegedly hilarious joke 'why don't you put her in 24/7, then you'll have heaps of time haha'. FFS.

This post is not about complaining about family making comments (clearly they deserve only to be ignored) it's about why is this even an issue?

Why does society think being a good mother should be 24/7 (unless a family is in poverty in which case working may be acceptable, and staying with kids becomes unnaceptable), yet being a good father is just about being a loving parent in between your other responsibilities and interests?

Calleigh - of course it's as essential, unless you're suggesting that only the man's job is essential? Or that the woman should not train for a new job and only do stuff she's qualified in right now (which would be a bit bizarre)

I've had disproving looks from MIL too (not badly - she's lovely, but she clearly holds opinions she's struggling to keep to herself) because I'm trying to work full time..

It's ridiculous isn't it - Bloke goes to work, out of the house 10 hours a day leaving the child-rearing to someone else and that's fine, the moment the mother tries, she's abandoning them.

And it's not like society supports women after divorce now - spousal maintenance becoming increasingly rare, you can't enforce that a father spends any time responsible for their kids, so if you stay home and don't go out to work, you're putting yourself and your kids in a very precarious position if it all goes wrong and you suddenly find yourself careerless.