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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's funny how things work out

17 replies

Parmajan · 07/08/2015 22:51

At the risk of sounding bitter, I'm gonna say it (wouldn't dream of saying IRL, just a rant)

DSis recently met someone great and with whom she's very much in love. They are loving life, TTC, going on amazing hols and just very blissfully in that honeymoon phase.

However just before this she was in a 2 year LDR. It started off great but she grew a bit bored and lonely (out of character) a few months in and had a long term affair with her married, not nice (!) alpha male boss. Who is on trial atm for money laundering (formerly a big fish in business)

Her DP at the time had his suspicions but she was too nervous to admit to it so kept accusing him of not trusting her. I, as her loyal sister, was a great cover and too young, naive and basically stupid to say anything other than blindly agree. This carried on for a year until the truth came out, she left him and soon after got into a great relationship. She had said (and I believe her) that it was a momentary lapse and that she very much regrets it; def can't see her doing it again. Fwiw she is in other respects a nice person

Anyway aib to be a bit I don't know, amazed, at how well she has extricated herself from the mess? I love her And I'm glad things have worked out but don't you think some people can be a bit naturally selfish and never have to deal with the consequences of her behaviour?

Sorry for rant, I've had a few and this is the first thread I've posted lol, I'm not normally this bitter!!!!!

OP posts:

laffymeal · 07/08/2015 23:00

I sort of understand. My niece was involved in a serious road traffic accident which resulted in a death for which she was partly responsible. She was fined and got points on her licence but avoided a custodial sentence. She's always sailed through life and can be very condescending and patronising. I thought she might learn a bit of humility and compassion from the experience but it had no apparent impact on her.

WoonerismSpit · 07/08/2015 23:01

You don't sound glad or amazed, you sound a bit jealous and annoyed that she didn't face the consequences!

Original poster

Parmajan · 07/08/2015 23:03

Woonerism I don't know how I feel. I would prefer she is happy rather than sad. But I feel like it's a shame that the only ones who got hurt in the fallout weren't to blame. Does that make sense?

OP posts:

Original poster

Parmajan · 07/08/2015 23:06

Laffy sorry to hear about your niece. Yes that's what I mean. Hate myself for sounding like this but I did think her actions would have made her pause for thought, she has become a bit smug though about her new life which I find a bit galling sometimes

OP posts:

Pantone312 · 07/08/2015 23:06

I know what you mean. I know someone just like her, fucked up, sailed through it and ended up in a better place than before. And not an ounce of humility to be found.

WoonerismSpit · 07/08/2015 23:07

It does make sense. I like to know people have faced consequences for their actions, but I suppose when you balance that with a family member who you love it becomes a bit of a grey area. I can see why you are confused!

NickNackNooToYou · 07/08/2015 23:12

Yep, totally get where you're coming from & no YANBU.

A close friend of mine seems to sail close to the wind & always comes out smelling of roses. I always end up in the shit heap! Yes I guess I am jealous but I've learnt I can't 'sail close to the wind'

Horses for courses and if they can live with it so can I

madwomanbackintheattic · 07/08/2015 23:13

Nothing wrong with a bit of amazed jealousy here and there. Some people do have life very very easy, almost handed to them on a plate, with getting away with all sorts of things scot-free. Others seem to get the shitty end of the stick all the time, through no fault of their own.

It would be nice for the 'life on a plate' types to recognise it occasionally - maybe even a smidge of humility? It helps to save those who get the rougher end of the deal from being mired completely in bitterness...

I have a friend who has been fired three times for various issues regarding her capability or manner. As she is an HR specialist, they have offered her large cash settlements to go each time, just to get rid fast with no trouble, and each time she has walked into a better paid job immediately until the same thing happens again.

So for getting fired, she often ends up with the equivalent of double pay and a pay rise each time. jealous, bitter? Well, yes. Of course. I still love her to bits, but time and time again she gets in the shit and comes up smelling of roses. Hard not to make comparisons and wish for a bit of karma here and there!

Dreamiesrcatopium · 07/08/2015 23:14

I knew someone like this too. As my old Nan used to say "She could land in a pile of shite and still come up smelling of roses." Very apt!

pinkdelight · 07/08/2015 23:16

Reminds me of Crimes and Misdemeanours. If you 'get away' with something and don't choose to punish yourself, there's no reason why the universe will. And understandably some people will see no reason to punish themselves. Interesting area of (a)morality. Your thread title is probably as conclusive as you're ever gonna get with such things...

Dontloookbackinanger · 07/08/2015 23:25

I know many on here will disagree, but I would be anxious if my DSis recently met someone and was TTC. Particularly if they are in their honeymoon period and haven't seen how comparable they are long term. It seems like too much too soon. Not saying it won't work out in the end for your DSis, but that I don't think she's in such a great position.

Original poster

Parmajan · 07/08/2015 23:46

Dontlook I've amended some details for anonymity... They've been together a little while now, just under 2 years Planning to TTC in the next few nonths

OP posts:

ollieplimsoles · 07/08/2015 23:56

I know what you mean exactly here, I think these people tend to be glass half full by default, so they have a way of framing everything in a positive way and this often comes across as crassness, I like to think deep down they know they have fucked up and are lucky to come out of it. But there are exceptions...

One of mils close friend's took her husband back after he had an affair for nearly 15 years (owned house with the ow, spent Christmas with her under the guise of a business trip etc) wife only found out when someone posted an anonymous note through the door.
She took him back and they are still together now. He doesn't even seem sorry for what he did to her or his children, they came to our wedding and I found it hard to look at him, he made me feel sick. I don't think he realises how easy it was for him to bounce back after this.

Original poster

Parmajan · 08/08/2015 00:04

That's shocking Ollie! He's very bloody lucky! If that's the right word.

DSis's new guy doesn't know about her past and she definitely won't tell him, I can understand her reasons. So I agree with what you're saying about how these kinds of people know they've fucked up!! It wouldn't be as annoying if she didn't lay the loved up happiness thing on quite so thickly though. As I said I'm happy that she happy but just think she has a brass neck to be quite so, well, smug about it. I'm just lovely aren't I

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The5DayChicken · 08/08/2015 00:09

I know exactly what you mean, and expressing it will always sound overly bitter to those who don't. Some people, however much we love them, could do with their fair share of consequences to earth them a bit. My DB is a bit like your DSis...could fall in a bucket of shit and come out sparkling.

The5DayChicken · 08/08/2015 00:12

Your nan and mine had some very similar sayings Dreamies

TendonQueen · 08/08/2015 00:25

I know what you mean. I know a couple of people who've behaved quite badly and completely got away with it. Even if you don't want them to really suffer, it's quite galling to realise that all those comforting sayings about how 'what goes around comes around' 'they'll get their comeuppance one day' are just words and some folk just get an easy ride.

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