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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU unreasonable to want to clatter DH because we forgot to submit his pat leave claim in time?

17 replies

BusyCee · 06/08/2015 16:31

I'm 33wks pregnant with DC3. He didn't tell them in time so they will pay him for a week, but if he wants the second he needs to either take it as hols or unpaid leave. The utter, utter twat. I look like a barnyard animal and my moods swing between joy and tearful hysteria. Which bit of that did he not recognize as pregnancy? It's the only effing bit he's got to do - I'm doing all the hard stuff.

Grumble grumble.

OP posts:
YUDOTHIS · 06/08/2015 16:32

YANBU.
I'd go ape.

Theycallmemellowjello · 06/08/2015 16:43

Can he take the second week later on though?

DefinitelyNotElsa · 06/08/2015 16:54

YANBU. I can't even imagine how cross I would be with DH if he had pulled this (currently 32 weeks pregnant).

Nolim · 06/08/2015 16:58

I would be mad as hell

Original poster
BusyCee · 06/08/2015 17:05

Just spotted the typo in my OP. There's no 'we' about it! He bloody forgot!!

Honestly. As if it's not hard enough with x2 and a baby. He's just going to have to sort it. I need his support.

OP posts:
Tinandgonic · 06/08/2015 20:26

Jeez his work are a bit crap! I'd be furious...with him and his work

Newtobecomingamum · 06/08/2015 20:31

Aww don't be too hard. I bet he's feeling awful. You have a right to be annoyed obviously but is he under pressure at work or have lots on his mind? My poor hubby constantly forgets things paying parking charge bill, missed booking AL dates to coincide with mine etc but he didn't do it intentionally.. He's under lots of pressure at work and works so flipping hard and helps at home with everything as I'm pregnant and not well. I know men can be a pain in the arse etc but if he's good in all other areas don't be too harsh. Smile

Fuckup · 07/08/2015 11:05

Angry I'd be raging too!

justmatureenough2bdad · 07/08/2015 11:16

i think your dh is still entitled to the payment for the second week, despite the late notice, but his employer can pay it at a later date... (i realise this may not be the point, and the stat payment is required on the week he is off, but i think his entitlement to it remains....) Without seeing his contractual terms though, it is difficult to be sure

NickyEds · 07/08/2015 11:20

YANBU I'd go apeshit. And when I was 33 weeks pregnant that would have been spectacular and deadly.

Yokohamajojo · 07/08/2015 11:23

I would be so annoyed, it's like if you haven't got enough to be thinking about, why is it so difficult to manage your own stuff without having to be reminded by your (female most often) partner. When it comes to work stuff I bet he doesn't 'forget' important things!

lostinikea · 07/08/2015 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NellysKnickers · 07/08/2015 13:31

Send him back to work after the first week and then he can take another week later on. When you are feeling a bit more like some 'me' time and can take advantage. You will cope. I did twice as dh is self employed so no paternity here. You will get in a routine quicker, honestly it's not that much of a big deal. BUT by all means play on it to get him to do things for you such as massaging your feet, feeding you chocolate etc.

woolymum · 07/08/2015 13:54

tbh this is the deal we did (twice).
dh could have had the 2 weeks on statutory pay or if he took the 2nd week as hol then they paid his first week on full salary.
okay, we lost week of hols that technically we didn't need to, but we didn't have a drop in pay and there was no resentment (on either side) about the tine off.

woolymum · 07/08/2015 13:56

also, i wish we had had the 2nd week of hols later on and broke it up.
babies were easy for first few weeks. i really could have done with a hand when they cried 23 hrs out of every 24 and only slept during a 5 mile walk etc.....

Original poster
BusyCee · 07/08/2015 15:34

I've taken the moral ground and neither clattered him nor gone bat shot crazy. He's taking the second week anyway and applying to split the allowance. It's not the baby I'm worried about, or even DS1...but DS2 is an absolute nightmare and I'm really struggling with him already. He's just being 2 - which is fair enough - but dear god it's hard physical work with him...

OP posts:
1hamwich4 · 07/08/2015 15:53

This happened to me. I was not impressed. At DH for not attending to the paperwork, and at his employer, who could quite easily have been reasonable about it, but instead chose to be a knob.

I think DH swung it with using emergency parental leave (we have a DC1 who needed care whilst I had DC2 so that fitted the criteria) and the weeks PL they so magnanimously offered a whole fucking week after I was due

I didn't need to punish DH, he did that himself.

And he rapidly found another job where the boss wasn't such a fucking dinosaur

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