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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to feel I'm owed an explanation?

22 replies

Pardonwhat · 05/08/2015 18:37

I lost my beautiful dog of 11 years a few weeks ago. The heartbreak was too much and I decided I needed to find myself a new dog to spend it's lifetime with me.
I found a puppy that was exactly what I've always wanted.. Went to see her several times, selected a KC name for her, spent over £100 on things for her.. To be told the day before I was due to collect her that they feel 'through fate' that she isn't right for me!
The thought of my new girl is all that's kept me going through the heartbreak of my old girl, and they knew this.
We're a very animal orientated home and she'd have been with us until her last days.
They've offered no explanation and blocked me when I asked for one.

AIBU to feel I deserve an explanation?

OP posts:

Theycallmemellowjello · 05/08/2015 18:43

Well probably you do deserve an explanation. But it's not going to make them give you the puppy and frankly what can they say that would make you feel better, so what's the point in putting any energy into trying to get one? You'll be able to find another dog and I suggest that's what you do. Sorry that you're having a hard time.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 05/08/2015 18:45

How awful for you. I know how hard it is losing a beloved pet. Unfortunatly, unless some sort of buisness took place - e.g. you have a recipt, I doubt there is much you can do. Was it someone's home, were they reg'd with the KC, or did you have any suspicion when visiting the new puppy that something was amiss? I'm just trying to think if there is any 'body' you can report this to.

May I make a suggestion - I understand you wanted a new little dog, but could you look into local shelters or dog homes instead? You seem like you have a lot of love to give an animal, perhaps looking to re-home one may be the way forward.

Hope you find comfort in some way soon, regardless.

Myname15 · 05/08/2015 18:50

No, you're not being unreasonable, I would definitely want a reason.
However, you are grieving. The problem with this is as much as you desperately want to fill that terrible void, you are probably not in the best place to take on a new dog just now. I know this sounds really harsh, it's just that you're likely to project onto the dog memories of your old dog.
I may be wrong. You might be totally ready, I just think that taking on a pup when you're going through something as hardcore as losing a companion after eleven years is a lot, and a bit more time might help you.
What a terrible and heart-wrenching disappointment.I'd be really angry with them for blanking you like that. Pricks. It's out of order. Fuck them off, they're idiots. Take your time, grieve your loss and look again. At least you have the new things still. Maybe look into rescue centres (I'd suggest that to anyone.)
I hope you're being supported at home. Sorry for your loss

Original poster

Pardonwhat · 05/08/2015 18:51

they're from a private home and all the others have gone to their new homes. He consensus around my friends and family is that they decided to keep the bitch so they could breed off of her or that someone close to them had decided to have her. I literally can't imagine a reason.. The mother and pups were well taken care of so there's nothing to report them for. I have no receipt as when id offered a fortnight ago to take the deposit they didnt responded to my later text saying that I'd set off if that was still ok - so I presumed they'd gone out. When we realised the mix up she said just to pay full balance on collection.
I volunteer with animal rescues, live rurally, have a large garden and I'm experienced with the breed.
I've looked into getting a rescue dog but due to my daughter being under 2, the rescues seem reluctant. We do usually get rescue animals!

OP posts:

flanjabelle · 05/08/2015 18:53

I wondered if someone else offered more for her? How heartbreaking for you op. so sorry for your loss too.x

Findtheoldme · 05/08/2015 18:53

Did you get your money back?

Jackie0 · 05/08/2015 18:54

Yanbu to want an explanation, you're not going to get it though so let it go, don't waste any energy on this.
I would hazard a guess they had another buyer or double booked the pup. Something that was careless on their part that they don't really want to own up to.

SacredHeart · 05/08/2015 18:57

You are owed an explanation but I doubt you'll get one as any responsible breeder would be open an honest.

When we looked for our kittens we were told until deposit was paid (and only when the breeder was ready to accept it) was the kitten secured due to the fact they would want to assess the litter for both show and breeding animals.

For a while one of our kittens was a toss up if it would go to a pet home and the breeder was complete open and honest about it, as this is fair.

I'm sorry this has happened but if you go down the breeder route again you can use this experience to find a more reputable breeder.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 05/08/2015 18:58

Then, I'm afraid I cannot think of anything you can do. It's just really horrible to do that when you are obviously still hurting over your loss. I can understand the concern about a rescue dog and young children. Wasn't a lecture, just wondering if it was a possiblity. Take time out, it's ok to still be upset over your other dog. Then pick yourself up and look again. It was just not meant to be this time. You'll have your new family memeber soon enough, I'm sure.

TheWitTank · 05/08/2015 19:03

I would imagine that they have decided to keep her or they have been offered more money/another home they prefer for her. It's a shitty thing to, especially leaving it until the day before you picked her up. Sadly, there isn't anything you can do. Are you able to adopt from a local shelter? We got our lovely young girl from Battersea and she is the sweetest, easiest dog ever. You sound like you will be able to offer a lovely, experienced home. I'm so sorry for your loss

Original poster

Pardonwhat · 05/08/2015 19:03

Thank you for your advice and support guys..
I feel almost like I'm grieving all over again. She'd become 'mine' and I'd set all her stuff up - nested for her, if you will - and told all and sundry about her.
I just can't shake the feeling of being cheated and I can't get it out of my head how someone could be so cruel.

OP posts:

TheWitTank · 05/08/2015 19:05

Sorry, just saw that you have a 2 year old and they are not keen to place. Shame!

Original poster

Pardonwhat · 05/08/2015 19:13

It is! We already have a lovely rescue dog but he's not so much 'mine'. He's a family dog. We also have rescue horses and a rescue cat. We've also had ex battery hens in the past. I'm a huge advocate for rescues :-)

OP posts:

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 05/08/2015 19:48

Aww I'm so sorry for your losses both the dog who died and the dog you had your heart set on.
Yes you could get another dog but I doubt you want another dog. You want the one you thought you were getting. Yet these people think. It's okay to play around with your feelings. Like you're part of a computer game or something, rather than a human being with feelings.
YNBU to expect an explanation and also to demand your money back. If you've not already done so.

Atenco · 05/08/2015 20:10

they're from a private home and all the others have gone to their new homes

There was an item on Radio four today about a puppy farm that had a set up to make it look its puppies were from private homes. Now that that has fallen through, I think you would be safer looking for a rescue dog.

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 05/08/2015 20:15

Not a nice way to treat people at all - I doubt you'll get an explanation, so you probably don't have much choice but to walk away. Good luck finding another pup - who I'm sure will be just super and help you move on

Goshthatsspicy · 05/08/2015 20:17

How sad. Sorry you've been hurt.

Mumteedum · 05/08/2015 20:22

I know a couple of highly reputable breeders. I know both would have no problem with telling you why they'd made their decision. They would be honest if they felt you and the dog were unsuitable for whatever reason.

The fate thing sounds like rubbish.

If you think it'd make you feel better then ask them. If you don't get a straight answer then I suspect they're not a good breeder and have kept the dog for themselves or they've made mistake somehow, perhaps 'double booking ' the dog?

Sorry for your loss though.

PumpkinsMummy · 05/08/2015 22:42

I would think that the dog has shown show potential or possibly breeding potential in the time between you seeing her and now. Not much consolation for you but doesn't reflect well on the breeder at all if they weren't honest about this being a possibility from the start. You will find a new pup op, and this one will be meant for you. An exes gran says "what's for you won't go past you" and despite it having no scientific basis at all, its proved true for me. Sorry for the loss of your lovely older dog.

goodnessgraciousgouda · 06/08/2015 06:54

YABU for not going to a shelter!

At least then if you are refused an animal, you know it's because it's not in the best interests of the animal. Also, your donation money goes to helping animals, not forced breeding.

Original poster

Pardonwhat · 06/08/2015 06:57

Goodness gracious goda - you may wish to read my responses addressing getting a rescue dog.

OP posts:

yoshipoppet · 06/08/2015 08:43

I bet they have sold the puppy to someone else. They sound a little bit iffy to me, you may well have had a lucky escape although I realise it won't feel like that to you.
I'm very sorry to read about your old dog, it's never an easy time when you lose a pet.

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