AIBU?
To pay gardener £80 so that we can actually use our garden!
fadetoblack · 04/08/2015 21:47
My DP is currently furious with me and refusing to talk. DP has an undiagnosed medical condition where he is frequently tired and unable to do physical activity. This includes looking after our 18 month DD. I do all of the tasks involved in running the house but managing time.between naps to sort out the garden is beyond me. DP has consistently promised to sort it out,but the grass is now three foot high and weeds are everywhere. I want my DD to be able to play in the garden before the weather becomes completely rotten. I have arranged for a gardener to spend five hours getting the garden back to a normal level this week, but DP is livid! Have I been unreasonable?
SanityClause · 04/08/2015 21:49
I can understand why your DP is upset. He feels he should be able to do it, and he hasn't been able to.
But YANBU for wanting it done, and getting someone in to do it.
Perhaps you could suggest to him that once it's under control, it will be fairly easy to keep it neat and tidy.
cestlavielife · 04/08/2015 21:56
No of course yanbu. Get it done and enjoy the garden....
Has he been to the gp ?
You are going to need to be tough and set clear boundaries to deal with his illness....get some support. Make sure gp is also getting support for dp emotional side. You could get some joint counselling to air frustrations and work on strategies.
BorderWrangler · 04/08/2015 22:00
YANBU. At the moment you essentially don't have a garden (as you can't use it) so you're 'buying' a garden for your house for £80.
However, I wouldn't be too hard on your DP. If his medical condition is something new, or something that has been slowly eroding "things I can do" for a while then it's possibly difficult for him to admit that this is another thing on the list of stuff he can't do anymore. And it's a pretty basic thing as well.
Obviously I don't know your circs, but I've seen my Da get more and more snappy as the basic 'looking after home/family' jobs that he always took for granted went from difficult to just not possible. I get a lot of "I'll do it... I'll do it... IT'S FINE I'LL DO IT" before the snappy "oh alright, you're right, I can't do it".
It doesn't make it OK to be a snappy dick. And sulking/not talking like you say your DP is, is just not on, and needs dealing with in a more adult way. But I find it easier to take a deep breath and react calmly to my Da's snappy moods when I think about how difficult basic stuff is becoming, what he's missing out on as a result, and how I'd feel in his shoes (sadly too easy to imagine, as I'm genetically pre-disposed to go the same way!).
fadetoblack · 04/08/2015 22:12
Border Wrangler thanks for your thoughts and I'm sorry that you seem to be in the same boat.
He has had a lot of tests but nothing conclusive has come up...He has had scans, MRI and been to see cardiologist, neurologist and others but they can't find anything that correlates with all his symptoms.
I do try with the patience and understanding but there comes a point where I do want him just to stop being so stubborn as some of his choices I think have a negative impact on DD, like no garden etc.
fadetoblack · 04/08/2015 22:16
Oh there is so much more,if it was just the grass I would strim it myself and be damned how shoddy it looked. He is also going to cut back overgrown trees and a prickly/ thorny bush. Dig up a dead spiky tree, sort out the front patch of grass too and weed the LOOONG drive. I feel that the price he's asked for is fair.
grumpysquash · 04/08/2015 22:17
It would be great to be able to use the space. You could have a paddling pool or a swing and/or slide or a little house.
You could put a BBQ out there - maybe DH would see that as a benefit?
I think £80 is a good investment as you will get a good couple of months use this year and it will be easier to maintain for next year.
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