to be unsure when/how to contact friend...

[cjt110]

... I suppose not really AIBU but here goes....

I have a good friend who I met when I was on mat leave. We quite often message one another through whatsapp... hows each others kids/other halfs etc etc. Lately she seemed a little distant and not her usual self.

Anyway, after a few days she old me that she and her DH had found out she was expecting but there was no heartbeat at the scan and she was having an epc(?) a few days later. I told her I was sorry to hear her sad news and that if she wanted to talk, I was there to listen but wouldnt bring it up as I'm sure it'd a painful experience/memory. She did talk a bit but then conversation drifted onto other stuff. The last time I contacted her was about a week ago. I dont want her to feel Im shying away from her but also dont want to swamp her.

WWYD?

I would send a sympathy card/note.
Just to say you are thinking of her. She can then reply if/when she feels up to it.

A text to say you are thinking of her & would love to see her when she feels up to it? You are a lovely friend btw.

I'd send a wee message that you're thinking of her and offering to watch her DC if she would like a break or some time to herself.

Text now and just say you are thinking of them all and does she need anything.

Thanks everyone. I dont want her to think Im not acknoweldging what they have been through but also dont want to upset her either. Perhaps a coffee at the weekend might be nice. And thank you TheSkyAtNight I do try

When my friend was going through a hard time I tried to send messages that let her know I was thinking of her but didn't require her to respond if she wasn't up for talking, so usually something along the lines of "Hi X was thinking of you guys today if you want some company next week give me a shout"

Someone sent me a lovely bunch of flowers with a note to let me know they were thinking of me when I was having a mc. I loved having them brighten up the house (i prefered it to a card, undercover circumstances)

Definitely text her.. x

Have dropped her a text saying "Hi lovely, hope you're all well. How was your birthday and weekend away?x" (She recently had her birthday and went away if that couldnt be guessed from the message!)

Just got a message back from her saying they are still away - replied saying hope they are having a great time and if she fancies a catch up when she's home to give me a nudge.