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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be miffed

23 replies

CustardLover · 04/08/2015 08:15

Best friend had a big gap between her first and second child, like ten years, and in the intervening time I had mine. She was generous and shared lots of things with us, including a cot, all of which I returned - cleaned, in good condition, for her second child a few years ago, as well as lots of things (breast pump, sterilizer, baby food maker etc) that I had also bought for my own children. When she then had her third (2nd and 3rd quite close together), I also passed on my hardly used Bill and Teds double buggy. So the habit has been 'share but then return'. However I just heard from her that she has sold that buggy on eBay as it was too big for her to manage apparently. Now, I suspect it's unlikely I'll have another child but a) you never know and b) hang on, we never discussed that! DH is not bothered and says she did us a favour getting rid of it and life's too short to get pissy over something that you can't change (he is laid back to the point of permanent recline). To be fair, we have never used the word borrow or loan but I think that's the precedent that was set with all the things that I returned - and didn't sell - from her first child. I don't want to say anything really as life's too short and husband thinks I'm being petty as we don't 'need' it but I am feeling miffed and a bit hurt to be honest. AIBU?

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/08/2015 08:18

YANBU, she profited financially through something that isn't hers. The least she could have done is asked you if it was ok to sell it on.

cailindana · 04/08/2015 08:23

It's a lesson learned I think. Don't give anything with the expectation of getting it back.

Original poster

CustardLover · 04/08/2015 08:41

Yes, I guess you're right. I think it's actually less about the profit and more about the assumption that I won't have any more babies, even though she had a decade between hers. I mean, it's probably true but I haven't made my peace with it yet!

OP posts:

BullshitS70 · 04/08/2015 08:45

I'd be pissed off, they resell for a decent amount

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 04/08/2015 08:52

I'd be pissed off, it wasn't hers to sell.

Littlecaf · 04/08/2015 09:02

I'd be a bit miffed, so YANBU. But I'd probably let it go like your DP.

Mumsnet has taught me to discuss/ask about these things before you receive or give. Chalk it up to experience and move on?

ReginaBlitz · 04/08/2015 10:16

She has taken the piss! I'd tell her as well, by rights she should have asked you if you wanted it back as it was too big and you could had sold it yourself. What she's down is cheeky and id ask for the money or tell her to fuck off!

The5DayChicken · 04/08/2015 10:21

Is there a relative or friend who might be in the market for a double buggy? If so, I'd text asking if she's using it because X might want to give it a go and see if it agrees with them. Let her tell you she's sold it without asking.

LilyMayViolet · 04/08/2015 10:24

I'd be tempted to do that too The5daychicken!

sparklewater · 04/08/2015 10:24

I had my sister's buggy, and she said she never wanted it back once I'd finished it. I still checked before I passed it on to someone else - it's rude not to. I'd never have sold it, that should be your money!

SuperFlyHigh · 04/08/2015 10:25

I'd be seriously pissed off. so she'd profited from something you gave her and it's not like as before you used and returned, she's just sold it on...

I would tell her in this instance and be tempted to ask for the money but be prepared to be told to take a running jump!

KittensOnAPlane · 04/08/2015 10:32

definately send her a text re a friend/sibling needing a double buggy and see what the reply is!

MaxPepsi · 04/08/2015 10:37

Tell her it wasn't hers to sell and that you'll have the money she got for it.

I'd be prepared to share the money but I'd want a bigger percentage.

Hygge · 04/08/2015 10:39

Send her a message saying "Actually I needed/wanted that back" and see what she says.

I usually say on these threads that if you give someone something you shouldn't expect them to give it back, or complain about how they dispose of it when they are done.

But in this case it does seem to be that you set the precedent by returning all of her things.

However it's definitely a lesson in making sure things are clearly said rather than assumed, so if she still has anything else of yours that you would like to be returned I would say so now.

starkers1 · 04/08/2015 10:54

I'd be FUMING Why is she just expecting to keep the money from the sale- you paid for it in the first place why should she profit from it?

Purplepoodle · 04/08/2015 11:00

If she told u via text and you havnt seen her since I'd be replying 'great could do with bit of extra money to treat the kids' or 'great we can have a girlie night out with the money' - but I'm a bit pa

cariadlet · 04/08/2015 11:04

I think YANBU to be angry that she has profited from something that was given to her.
I think YABU to assume that things would be returned simply on the basis that you had returned the things that she had given you if you hadn't explicitly said that you were expecting them back.

I was given a lot of stuff for dd that my nephews had outgrown. When dd no longer needed them I gave them to charity shops or used freecycle. I didn't consider selling them, but neither did I think that I needed to return them.

wilkos · 04/08/2015 11:04

Oh my word they are flipping expensive to buy new, and she SOLD it and has kept the money ????

When I sold our tatty one on eBay 2 years ago I got £150! She's done well!

starfishmummy · 04/08/2015 11:10

I would just ask for it back and see what happens!

Twodogsandahooch · 04/08/2015 11:11

Agree I sold my sister's very tatty one on eBay last year for £120. Very cheeky of her and I don't think you would be at all out of order requesting most of the proceeds.

I sold a friend's breast feeding pillow at an NCT sale a couple of weeks ago and I plan to give her the money.

SandysMam · 04/08/2015 14:29

In no way at all is this ok, however, maybe she is having a really tough time financially??

Fizzielove · 04/08/2015 15:30

At the very least she should have asked?!

Original poster

CustardLover · 04/08/2015 19:42

Thank you all, I'm glad I'm not just petty for feeling pissed off but I won't say anything cause I didn't when she told me (in conversation on the phone - I was dumbstruck at the time and would feel like a dick now) and because she might well need the money. And it's true - I gave it to her really, it wasn't stipulated as a loan or anything, so while it was cheeky as, strictly speaking it wasn't wrong. But I am still pissy. Ah well, chalk it up to experience as some of you have said. Ta.

OP posts:

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