Would this annoy you?

[Grammartiiime]

If you lived as a two with a very close friend and her boyfriend moved from (say) Lincoln to Scotland (ie totally new area) to be with her, renting a flat round the corner...

But

1. He stayed in your flat for 2 months while searching for a place

1. When he found a place he would come to your house regularly to cook/wash his clothes/sleep (4/5 times per week)

1. He was occasionally there without her and you'd walk in to your seemingly empty house to find him watching TV there

1. You went away and he slept in your empty house by himself despite having a perfectly good (albeit less nice) room of his own v v nearby

1. He slept by himself in the house a few nights while you were there, without her (she was away on hol)

He doesn't pay bills as is working for a min wage job.

Friend has not outlined intentions to you at the beginning of this arrangement but you come to learn them for yourself as they occur eg he still can't find a flat/he needs to sleep here tonight

How should the flatmate in this scenario behave? And how much more of this behaviour should they take??

from my POV and with sharing in the past, when I was a lodger in a house with 2 other lodgers and a couple - well when I signed up for that I KNEW it was with a couple. Even when the landlady was a bit pissy about 'having people to stay' she did have a point - it shouldn't be a stop gap every weekend or weeknight for a partner.

When I shared as a tenant with another female flatmate she had her boyfriend round to stay but not every night and not every weekend. If he had been moved in though or stayed quite a bit more I would have mentioned it to the landlord, as I'm not sure if it was a breach of the tenancy agreement but if I'm paying rent as in a 2 bedroom flatshare and bills are split 2 ways then there's no way I want a 3rd person there unless it's drawn up in an tenancy agreement, with his name on it and with him sharing the bills!

Lodger and tenant are 2 different things.

of course she can break her contract - she should be able to give 1 month or 2 months at most notice. what if she was to have to move for a new job? or parent sick and she had to move home?

Katie I would be incandescent with rage! bloody navvies sitting around getting pissed and there like a spare part... no thank you!

Thanks Superfly, at the time they said I was a stuck up old bag who didn't know how to have fun. Probably true, but still....

whaaattttt?! just because you weren't happy at having pissed navvies taking over your house whilst they were on leave...

wonder how they'd have liked it if you'd have rocked up on their boat all pissed and wouldn't leave?! they'd have loved it

What reasons did they each give your cousin for him having to be there overnight without her flatmate? Was either of them valid?

I'd try just once more to set some ground rules (if it takes getting arsy, so be it) then I'd be taking my complaint to the landlord with a mind to ending your part of tenancy and suggesting the boyfriend takes it over.

yes get your cousin to do as The5Day says ground rules first but definitely no giving into those...

if for example they agree he stays XXX days per week then he sticks to that and that's that. Personally I'd make it every other week/end or else your cousin would never have her weekend by herself.

I've seen it before though... flatmate is there - boyfriend stays, then moves in (unofficial) - they almost always take over the tenancy as a couple and single flatmate is forced out or there's a big argument and things come to a head.

Call their bluff, say landlord has been round whilst they were out as there have been comments from other residents nearby.

Become completely anti social and develop some 'nasty habits'

Update. Looks like boyfriend has been living in flat by himself while my cousin (and her friend) were away last week. Cousin very upset. Has accused friend of putting her and bf's needs above her own and taking her for granted.

Boyfriend now back at his place for foreseeable.

Feel it is v unfair on cousin for things to have come to this. Not her fault, she was put in difficult situation from the start and coerced into this.

Katie - that's shocking!! The brass neck of some people