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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who is being unreasonable here?

40 replies

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:01

Grrrr! I'm really cross with dh and he thinks aibu, could do with some outside input please.
We go on holiday in 4 weeks. I am a size 12/14 and my 12s are a bit too tight atm. Don't want to look fat on holiday but I've been trying and failing to diet and do more exercise by myself. Spurred on by threads on here about it, I suggested to dh that we both do the 30 day shred together for this month before we go. Partly cos he needs to get fit too, partly to help my motivation, mostly because we just don't seem to do anything together these days. He agreed and we shook on it(!) 2 nights ago.
Last night we just didn't do it so tonight I mentioned it at about 6. We have 3 kids - 2 were in bed by 7.50, he then read to the other for 50 mins until I shouted up to tell him the time (ds1 is only 7 and was shattered before his story, he had a watch on and knew the time).
Then he came down and phoned his mum for a chat - he only speaks to her every couple of weeks and had no reason to call tonight. I was getting pissed off by now (9.15) but didn't say anything as I keep being accused of nagging. Then he said he had to send a quick email for work and spent half an hour on it. He's just sauntered in at 9.45 to put the bloody dvd on and then called me lazy when I don't want to start doing it now. It is turning into another stupid petty argument. Aibu??

OP posts:

Original poster

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:53

Really? I asked did he fancy doing it with me, he said yes! I'm not an ogre. He did want to do it tonight but only after he left me literally sitting waiting for him for 2 hours! Then he went to bed in a huff. Total child free conversation this evening = approx 2 minutes.

OP posts:

BackInTheRealWorld · 03/08/2015 22:53

I didn't say YOU were lazy. I said the excuse was lazy. To say the reason you couldn't exercise was because someone else wasn't ready to exercise til a time you didn't want to exercise...that's a lazy excuse. I just think you need to come up with a better excuse.

If you wait a minute I'll tell you some of mine. I have some great ones. #fatasahouse.

Original poster

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 22:55

OP posts:

lastqueenofscotland · 03/08/2015 23:00

If you need someone to exercise with (personally I can't think of anything worse - I get frustrated with people worse than me and embarrassed with people better) what about a gym class? A legs bums and tums or spinning or body pump? That is better than a DVD as there is an instructor to call you up if you're doing it wrong form wise?
Then could combine with a but of c25k/a few exercise videos-the blogilates ones are ok.

I've always said if you have time to watch the tv you have time to exercise; even if it's doing butt kicks and sit ups in advert breaks.

Original poster

3boys3dogshelp · 03/08/2015 23:09

We both work hours which change every week. I am se but have to go out to customers and I have to fit this around basically what everyone else is doing, so it's all short notice and when my oh is here to mind the children mainly.
I thought (wrongly, obviously) that doing this with oh would mean not having to go out, not being tied to a specific time, but having someone else to do it with. I also thought we could encourage each other along and have a reason to ignore all the drudgery of jobs that need to be done for half an hour.

OP posts:

acquiescence · 03/08/2015 23:39

The 30 day shred is great. With a bit of dieting and that I lost over a stone in the 2/3 month run up to my wedding and felt so fit and toned. Now at 6 months pregnant i can't wait to do it again.... It is hard work but only 30 minutes of your day and you can do it at home instead of watching TV for an hour. I realise I may not be feeling so enthusiastic in 6 months time about this!

acquiescence · 03/08/2015 23:40

Ps the point I meant to make was just do it on your own, he can join in if he wants but it's for your benefit so just leave him if he's not bothered

crustsaway · 03/08/2015 23:50

I'd not rely on anyone, I'd do it myself. If cooking then I'd make something I know I can have, the others would just have to eat it too.

ThereIsIron · 04/08/2015 00:00

Well I'm just back from holiday and everyone was fat, so just don't worry about it! There will always be people fatter than you.

MistressDeeCee · 04/08/2015 00:02

Id be annoyed too - but his procrastination would make me realise he didn't want to do it, and Im not sure I'd want to force him either. Whats to stop you simply getting on with it yourself? Depending on him joining you then getting exasperated when he doesn't is only another form of procrastination in itself - he isn't responsible for you not exercising. You are. So get on with it and then be happy (and slightly smug if you want to be!) about the new shape you've achieved with all your hard work

Original poster

3boys3dogshelp · 04/08/2015 00:15

Sorry for disappearing my phone died. Turns out I could have done the exercise and still been in bed earlier than this!
You're all right, whichever exercise I do I need to just do by myself and forget dh.
The children with food intolerances are 7 and 1, I don't think I can expect them to sort their own dinner so I can go back to slimming world!
I realise this is such a first world problem, in my head though it feels like part of a much bigger issue in our marriage really. I just want him to want to spend a little bit of his time with me, really with me, not texting work or reading to the kids for 45minutes when it's already past their bedtime. I feel like I'm being avoided/ignored a lot and when he does talk to me it's to tell me all the reasons I'm crap and our marriage is crap. I'm probably being too sensitive.

OP posts:

Stingingthistle · 04/08/2015 00:20

Yabu (sorry) just do it yourself if you're keen. He's obviously not fussed and you can do something more enjoyable together

DoJo · 04/08/2015 00:27

I just want him to want to spend a little bit of his time with me, really with me, not texting work or reading to the kids for 45minutes when it's already past their bedtime.

YANBU for that, but perhaps a shred isn't the way to entice him into spending time with you, especially if it's not necessarily something he really wants to do. What about cooking together? Could that be a way to achieve your weight loss goal whilst doing something a bit more relaxing than shredding together?

when he does talk to me it's to tell me all the reasons I'm crap and our marriage is crap. I'm probably being too sensitive.

There's nothing over sensitive about wanting positive interaction with your husband! If he is avoiding or ignoring you then it's only reasonable to want to work out if it's just a matter of habit or something more serious. If you feel that he only speaks to you to criticise you then maybe it would be worth sitting down with him to try and clear the air a bit before you go on holiday so that you can enjoy yourselves and maybe try to rekindle a little romance without the pressures of work and parental phone calls to get in the way.

Spartans · 04/08/2015 06:02

I train 5 days a week. Dh isn't in the slightest bit interested in doing it with me. I train because I wanted to lose weight and, now, want to maintain it.

If you want to spend time together, then it needs to be something you both have a vague interest in.

I did slimming world when I had ds and lost 4 stone. I have lots of food intolerances. Is it really impossible?

Although I have found long term it wasn't great for me. Just making sure I burn more than I eat has been mushore sustainable.

crazykat · 04/08/2015 10:31

I can see why it annoyed you that your dh said he'd do it with you and then faffed about till you were too tired. But he's obviously not bothered about doing it or he wouldn't have messed about. I completely understand wanting to do something together but it only works if it's something you both want to do.

If I were you I'd do the shred on your own, I hate exorcising with others but if you want encouragement then there's none worse than someone who isn't bothered about getting fit. If he's not really into it then he'll just end up dragging you down.

The 30 day shred isn't great long term as it gets boring after a while and as you become fitter you need to up the ante to keep seeing results. It's great in the short term ir as a quick start though. I need to lose a fair bit of weight but still saw a difference, then it got a bit boring and I started slacking.

Classes would be good for you in the long run, most gyms have classes at different times/days so you could do something when you have time.

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