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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my dad is being irresponsible for not wearing sun cream?

58 replies

brunettebunny · 03/08/2015 16:01

He seems to think he 'doesn't need it' and is somehow not at risk of getting cancer from not wearing sun cream. He just doesn't ever wear it, and I really cant understand this mentality. Even on that really hot day we had a few weeks ago, he didn't wear any.

Yesterday he said he had fallen asleep on the beach (in UK) for an hour from around 2-3pm, it was 25 degrees, and when I asked if he has worn sun cream he said no (of course I already knew the answer to this).

He is outside in the sun quite a bit as he plays cricket every Saturday, and in the week he helps to prepare & maintain the cricket field, so does have a fair bit of sun exposure.

AIBU to think this attitude is really irresponsible and selfish? He is 61, a father and a grandfather, and in my opinion should know better and want to keep himself healthy. Or should I just keep my nose out, and think he is an adult and its his decision whether to wear it or not?

Its just really wound me up and whenever I try to speak top him about it he just fobs me off with either 'I don't need to wear it' or 'I will' when we both know he has no intention of doing so.

OP posts:
Elsashmelsa · 03/08/2015 16:52

I've never ever seen either of my DParents wear suntan lotion.

I always do and I think they should, but I would never say, it's not up to me. So sorry OP but YABU.

Sallystyle · 03/08/2015 16:53

YANBU, but I am obsessive with sun cream.

Dh's granddad used to put oil over him to tan and he was a red head. He never wore a hat and when he went bald he would still sun bathe for hours at a time.

He now has skin cancer. Thankfully it is the basal cell type so they just whip it out but he gets new ones all the time and he is covered in scars. He now wears a hat and we just hope he doesn't get melanoma.

I wear SPF on my face daily, especially now I am on retin. I put it on my hands as well and cover up and keep in the shade when possible.

I have health anxiety so I am pretty paranoid about it.

I think sunbathing without sunscreen and a hat and staying in the sun too long is utterly foolish. I don't understand why people do it really.

I also 'nag' my mum about it too. She knows that after my children lost their dad and two grandparents to cancer all within a few weeks of each other that we are really worry right now about losing her as well. Thankfully she is understanding and has started to wear it more.

perplexedpirate · 03/08/2015 16:53

You've said your piece and he is a grown man so I do think you should leave it at that.
I totally appreciate your concern though. I wear factor 50 at the merest hint of sun, but I burn VERY easily. I'm always the one offering it out at bbqs etc, to a volley of eye rolls. Hmm

Bakeoffcake · 03/08/2015 16:54

Current guidelines are for everyone to be exposed to the sun, between 11-3, for at least 10-15 mins a day, without sunscreen.

If I'm only outside for half an hour bursts, I don't wear any sunscreen.
When my dds were younger they only had it on if at the beach or playing outside for hours. I think plastering ourselves in sunscreen all the time will lead to a lot of health problems in the future.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Summerhealth/Pages/vitamin-D-sunlight.aspx

Sallystyle · 03/08/2015 16:57

My son has Vit D deficiency and it was explained that he needs 20 minutes of sun a day on his face.

Which he gets.

He only ever wore sunscreen on his face on very sunny days which are pretty rare. Thankfully the meds work really well so no excuse for baking in the sun when 20 minutes is all you need.

Bakeoffcake · 03/08/2015 17:04

I agree, people shouldn't bake in the sun for hours on end, but most people who are just going about their everyday life- computing to work, school run, walking the dog, shopping etc and then spending the rest of the day indoors do not need to wear sunscreen.

I hate the fact it's difficult to find a face cream without suncream in it.

Branleuse · 03/08/2015 17:04

Its up to him. Hes an adult

Theas18 · 03/08/2015 17:05

Up to him in the same way that if he chose to smoke it's his choice. He is aware of the risks.

Bakeoffcake · 03/08/2015 17:05

And children at school, whose parents want them to plaster on the sunscreen for a 10/15 min break time is ridiculous. Children need exposure to the sun.

SarahManning · 03/08/2015 17:15

Yanbu to think he is irresponsible. Yes, it is his choice but this choice can potentially affect his family and cost the NHS a lot of money that could have been spent on life saving treatments for people who have diseases which they could not prevent. I think it is selfish.

sanfairyanne · 03/08/2015 17:23

if its in the uk then i dont really see the problem. sunscreen is pretty nasty stuff too and vit d deficiency causes a whole ton of health problems as well. the supplements are not as good as the vit d we make ourselves. this wouldnt bother me at all. i've stopped using sunscreen on the kids as well in the uk (esp this summer).

DinosaursRoar · 03/08/2015 18:08

It's worth remembering that while skin cancer is terrible, it effects a very small % of the British population, yet until the last 15-20 years, it hasn't been common to routinely put suncream on in the UK or to cream children. I'm mid-30s and my parents didn't put cream on me though my childhood (even those heatwaves when there were hose pipe bans etc) - we were stripped off, until end of Juniors, girls were just out onthe beach in pants too, not even covering up with t-shirts.

Parents from that generation have gone the bulk of their lives not putting on suncream, and what there was, wasn't all that effective compared to what you can buy now.

Yet despite all of this, the bulk of the 60+ age group British population don't have skin cancer, and the bulk of those who do, it's a minor thing to deal with, not life threatening.

I guess you do have to accept that the risks are relatively low, particularly if he isn't burning his skin regularly.

(and you can also get vitamin D in oily fish, liver, eggs, lots of fortified cereals, it's not just from sunlight)

2rebecca · 03/08/2015 18:11

I think he's being silly, but he's your dad not your 5 year old child. It's not your job to nag him and make him live life your way. If he lives in Scotland we've had so little sun recently he'd be better not wearing it when the sun is out and getting the Vitamin D

bearleftmonkeyright · 03/08/2015 18:21

www.skincancer.org/prevention/sunburn/facts-about-sunburn-and-skin-cancer

A persons risk of developing melanoma doubles when sunburnt five times. 42% of people polled by the Skin Cancer foundation reported getting sunburnt once a year.

Backforthis · 03/08/2015 18:22

Take a vitamin D supplement if you're concerned because we don't get enough sun in the UK to maintain healthy levels. We get enough for melanoma though.

Snoozebox · 03/08/2015 18:26

Everything in moderation. That includes the sun.

sanfairyanne · 03/08/2015 18:34

it takes years anyway,if not decades, for that kind of sun exposure to cause cancer
at his age, its the damage from the previous decades that makes the difference, not what he does this summer

FuzzyWizard · 03/08/2015 18:35

Bakeoff- I remember being told somewhere that the reason why it's so difficult to find face cream without SPF is because it's practically the only scientifically "proven" anti-aging ingredient. Companies put in SPF so that they can put that scientifically proven to keep your skin looking younger and then add loads of bumph about retinol, collagen, hyaluronic acid etc which are not proven to do much at all.

I'm definitely risk averse and wear factor 50+ in the sun but I don't put it on every day. If i'm out in the sun for more than 20 mins or so, summer or winter, then out comes the little bottle I keep in my bag but in an ordinary working day I don't spend enough time in the sun to need it.

caroldecker · 03/08/2015 19:25

The average person has 1.5 to 2 sq metres of skin. Taking the smaller measure as 15,000 square centimetres and using 2mg per square centimetre, you need 30g per full body application to get the SPF on the bottle. If reapplying every 2 hours (per NHS recommendations), you should be using several bottles per person a day on the beach. I'm not convinced those posters saying is essential are actually using the correct quantity.

happymummyone · 03/08/2015 19:30

I don't wear sun cream in England, I haven't all summer and I haven't got a single tan line to show for it. I would however if I was inclined to sit outside for prolonged periods or to sunbathe and I do when abroad. But he is a grown man, and it is his choice.

florentina1 · 03/08/2015 21:07

I think this a common attitude for his generation. I wonder if he thinks it is too late now as any damage is already done.

I am quite a bit older than him and it just never occurs to me to put sun screen on. I do not expose much of my skin to the sun except hands and face. I might have to reconsider after reading this thread.

Callaird · 03/08/2015 21:12

My dad never wears sunscreen either. He is out in the garden or walking the dog in all weathers, he builds up his tan gradually, he has never had sunburn, which is what can cause cancer, not a sun tan. I am the same as him, I've never burnt (apart from my nose once when we were on a boat on an overcast and windy day in Sydney harbour) I use sun cream abroad if it's over 25 degrees and I'm going to lie out in it or use the pool/sea.

Like others have said, we all need vitamin D and we can't absorb that through a layer of sunscreen. My two year old charge only has cream on if he's out in the sun between 11 and 3 or playing in water. He wears factor 50 clothing and a hat. He has quite olive skin though.

Callaird · 03/08/2015 21:26

Oh and the old 'sun makes you age quicker' is bollocks in my opinion. I'm 47 years old, I love the sun and will sit out in it as much as I can, I always has a tan through the summer. My friends are determined to find someone who gets close to my age, I've always been told I look at least 10 years younger, usually more. I know people like to err on the side of caution but surely not by 10 years!! I get my youthful looks from my mother, up until she had her stroke last year, people thought she was in her early fifties, she was 70 two weeks after her Stoke. She has aged since.

And......we've got to die of something! My boyfriend was 36, spent at least 20 hours a week in the gym, never are red meat (unless I made a chilli!), rarely drank alcohol and never more that two pints, usually less, he was a gardener but always covered up in the sun and wore a hat and never burnt. He fell, bumped his head, knocked himself out, bit his tongue and suffocated on his own blood. Something's Gina get us.

Mrsjayy · 03/08/2015 21:32

We were on holiday with my parents last year abroad they had suncream factor 4 bloody factor 4 may as well put lard on they both fried mum looks liked a leather sofa they are its healthy to get a tan generation, there is nothing you can do though nagging is pointless

RitaCrudgington · 03/08/2015 21:32

There's a huge and complex set of risk factors which will take decades to get to the bottom of, but it starts with not talking about "skin cancer" but distinguishing between melanoma and non-melanoma skin cancers. Melanoma and the sunburn/tanning salons that are a major causative factor are unquestionably scary and to be avoided, but non-melanoma (extraordinarily prevalent and no fun whatsoever but normally highly treatable) and the natural tanning which causes it may be a price worth paying for the other benefits of sun exposure. (And no that's not just Vitamin D)

There was an article in New Scientist recently by Dr Richard Weller (dermatologist) pointing out that Northern Europeans with a non-melanoma skin cancer have a better life expectancy than those without it.

Basically IMO it comes down to the fact that my ancestors came north with natural SPF 15 or so in their skin. But over the generations the mutants with paler skin survived better than the ones with darker skin. I reckon that I wouldn't be this colour if I didn't need to be, and slapping SPF moisturiser on every day in London makes no more sense than me wandering round the Kalahari without a hat.

Still no excuse for burning or using sunbeds though.