Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Who is BU, us or the neighbours regarding the cat?

48 replies

ChristmasYoni · 03/08/2015 10:47

We bought a cat about two years ago, over the last year he has been playing outside and for the first few months was too scared to leave our garden, gradually he seemed to go further and stay out for longer until sometimes he would go missing for days. We were worried sick and my partner would stay up until early hours each morning with the lounge window open incase he came back. After a few incidences of him disappearing for maybe 3 or 4 days at a time we found out he had been staying in the neighbours house, they laughingly told us he sleeps on their bed and what he eats etc.
Then about two months ago he vanished, he stopped coming home completely, the longest he had ever been gone was about 5 days so after a week we were beside ourselves, obviously we discovered the neighbours had taken him in again. They told us they tried to put him outside but he just ran back in and they had given up and bought him a litter tray, bed etc, they found this all adorable and although were nice about it una. 'What can you do? Cats are cats!' Kind of way I felt that buying him food etc was just enticing him but we continued to call him each night to no avail.
He now won't enter our garden, hisses at our children from the fence and won't even look at you when you call his name. He has essentially disowned us, we are upset but at least we know he is safe and being fed etc.
Now for the AIBU. The neighbours have knocked at our house this morning asking for us to take him to the vet as he had a fight last night and is hurt. They are refusing to take him or pay as he is 'our cat'. As much as I love and miss him AIBU to tell them to get to fuck and pay themselves since they have essentially adopted him for two months straight and I haven't so much as been able to stroke him?
If IABU I can accept this but it seems so unfair that he no longer lives with is yet we are expected to pay for his upkeep.

OP posts:

RealityCheque · 03/08/2015 11:25

This thread highlights all that is wrong with pet ownership in general and cat ownership in particular. If YOU want a pet, make damn sure it stays in YOUR property. It is YOUR responsibility to feed, immunise AND clear up after. At all times.

Keep contol of your pet then issues such as this with frankly mental neighbours will not arise.

Scarydinosaurs · 03/08/2015 11:27

Yes, take it to vets and then rehome. They're pricks.

LittleLionMansMummy · 03/08/2015 11:30

Sounds like you've given up on the cat tbh op. If I were in the same situation (we have 3 cats) I'd tell the neighbours their behaviour was unacceptable, reclaim the cat and make it spend several weeks indoors until it again came to see our home as it's home. That would mean taking responsibility for vets bills and everything else, as most responsible pet owners would do. Your poor cat sounds like it's been dumped and your neighbours have stepped in. Youre both wrong. Is it neutered?

BerylStreep · 03/08/2015 11:31

RealityCheque loving your ironic name

LittleLionMansMummy · 03/08/2015 11:31

Also, if you don't want the cat any more (sounds like you don't) tell them thanks for their concern but you'll be getting it rehomed.

3littlefrogs · 03/08/2015 11:32

They stole your pet.
Now they should take responsibility for him.

Lurkedforever1 · 03/08/2015 11:35

I'm not sure tbh.
Years ago I ended up with a cat that lived about 1/4 mile away. Try as we might the fucker was not going home to the lovely old lady who owned it. After several months of trying and contact to confirm 'yes it's here again and fine' she eventually said we might as well keep it. But it was a fighter, and I made it quite clear that while I was in a position to afford cat food and flea/ worming, I wasn't in a position to afford it's monthly vet visits so while I'd let it stay, it remained her responsibility, although I'd suck up the danger of getting him to the vets. After a year or so it did end up fully mine, but initially I neither needed or wanted another cat.
In your situation it would have been better if it had been discussed initially. As its not been, I think you need to sit and discuss what happens in future, either going halves on vet bills, they keep it and pay all costs, it lives there and remains your responsibility, or it goes to a rescue. And what to do with the current vet bill can be decided from what you decide is the future rule. Personally if it was mine I'd rather pay for it in a good home than send it to a rescue though.

Sigma33 · 03/08/2015 11:37

Have a conversation along the lines of - we've realised that this cat is not comfortable with our family set up. Would you like to be the cat's owners? This would mean taking full responsibility for the cat, including vet's fees. If not, then we will of course get the cat attended to, and then rehome.

jacks11 · 03/08/2015 11:39

Your neighbours are being very rude. They essentially took on the cat, without your permission it seems, although to be fair to them you didn't really object so maybe they thought you were happy enough with the set up. Now they don't want the responsibility of paying for it's upkeep. The neighbours can't have it both ways- either it's their cat or yours. If it's theirs, they have to pay any costs incurred in looking after it. If it's your cat, then you have to be meet any costs but should also have "possession" of your cat. Would they be expecting you to pay for any damage the cat caused (e.g. to their carpets).

I would say to them you will pay the vets bill, but you will be taking the cat to the vet. That way you know what the vets bill actually come to. After that, I would say to them that either they take full responsibility for the cat including any future vets bills or you will re-home the cat. Alternatively, you take the cat to to the vets and if you decide to keep it, the cat will have to become a house cat.

I agree with PP that as soon as you let it out again the neighbours will be letting/enticing the cat back in and you'l be back to square one.

paddypants13 · 03/08/2015 11:40

Yes to keeping the cat inside and insisting they get rid of their cat stuff if you want to keep it.

Also, if you haven't already get the cat microchipped when you take him to the vets. Tell them any future attempts to keep the cat in their house will be treated as theft.

As a previous poster said, cats don't leave home unless encouraged. I would be furious! x

LilacWine7 · 03/08/2015 11:41

Tricky situation. I suggest having a serious chat with them. If they agree you need to make the adoption 'official' so he is their responsibility. Did you get him from a rescue home, do you have any papers for him that you can hand over?
The fact they're feeding him and letting him sleep on their bed suggests they consider him part of their family now, and I feel they need to take on responsibility for his vets bills too!
But do they know he no longer returns to you at all or do they think he divides his time between your house and theirs? (It's also possible he has several 'homes' and sleeps/eats in different houses as and when he pleases, so maybe no-one thinks of him as their cat but more as a visiting cat. Maybe they're happy to provide food and shelter but don't want the responsibility of 'owning' a cat? If this is the case, you need to be clear you're not happy and ask them not to feed him or let him indoors.
He obviously wasn't happy living with you or he wouldn't hiss and evade capture... maybe he's a cat who doesn't like kids or needs a lot of space and quiet? Some cats don't suit families and get very stressed around children. It sounds like this cat has chosen to leave and isn't coming back. I think you'd be better off handing him over officially or re-homing him if neighbours don't want to own him. Then you can get a new cat who is friendlier and more suited to family life.

Many years ago I was in a similar situation. We had no pets but used to put cat-food out for hedgehogs and noticed a skinny, shy cat would sometimes eat it. We thought cat was a stray and so did our NDNs, no-one realised he had an owner. We didn't let him come indoors (concerns over fleas plus I'm mildly allergic to cat fur) but he seemed to like our garden and started spending most of his time there (big garden, very peaceful and a bit wild). I noticed he slept on our shed roof most nights, and in wet weather he chose to sleep in an old empty dog-kennel in a corner of our garden. We put some blankets in the kennel and continued to let him eat the hedgehog-food. A few weeks later a family from up the road (5 doors away) came asking about him, they were his owners! They were relieved he was ok as they hadn't seen him for a few days, said he wasn't coming home at night or for regular meals. They explained he was a rescue cat, he hadn't settled well in their home and he was nervous of their toddler and dogs. When they tried to take him home he ran from them and hid in a tree. They offered us cat-food and asked if we'd mind feeding him, we agreed though made it clear he couldn't come indoors due to my allergy, and we explained we didn't want the responsibility of a cat as we were away a lot... but we were happy for him to use our garden and to put food out. They were grateful and viewed it as us doing them a favour. Every few weeks they'd pop round to see him and once or twice they caught him to take him to vets (they paid). This arrangement lasted for years even though eventually he stopped returning to their house at all and would escape back to our garden if they caught him and took him home. They continued to pay his vets bills although we provided and paid for all his food. He lived in the kennel all year round, showed no interest in coming indoors, and his owners were reluctant to re-home him as they felt he was happier with us. He wasn't keen on much human contact but he'd sit on laps sometimes. I always thought of him as 'their' cat and when we were away they'd come to our garden to give him food and water. If at any point they'd wanted to move and take him with them or re-home him they could have done, but they felt he was better where he was. He'd been a farm-cat before they had him so I guess he was just happier outdoors.

I know your situation is different as your neighbours have been encouraging your cat, feeding him, letting him indoors, buying him toys etc... but remember they may have let him into their lives reluctantly! They may be happy to feed and play with a cat, but not want a cat of their own. Until you officially hand him over to a new owner or find him a new home, he's still your responsibility.

Radicalrooster · 03/08/2015 12:59

I took in one of the neighbours cats (no choice in the matter, it just decided it wanted to live with me). I was happy to be chosen, but went and had a a chat with them anyway, and agreed that i would be responsible for feeding and, should it ever be required, vets bills.

HTH

In other words, tell the cheeky fuckers to take a long walk off a short plank.

confusedaboutparenting · 03/08/2015 19:04

technically if they have been feeding him for 7 days or more then he is legally their cat so not your responsibility

TRexingInAsda · 03/08/2015 20:11

I'd tell them 'dh and I agree that you should get to fuck'.

greyleaf · 03/08/2015 21:09

had a cat move in with me my neighbors didnt feed her they said when she went home they would feed her then they went out all day everyday poor thing was left all flipping day no food no water nothing i had cats so i kept rainwater dishes in my garden for them she would help herself then she snuck into the house occasionally then she would press herself up against the front door mon/fri so when i opened the door she was inside in a flash and i was going to school so i didnt have time to search the house for her she was so determined to live with me eventually due to no support from her actual owner i allowed her to live with me (she still wouldn't feed her own cat!)

i paid for this cats vet bills

when she moved she tried to take the cat (ive been feeding this cat for years at this point) after careful five second consideration i kept her in so she couldn't take her with her she gave up after a week or so to be honest if she had shown the inclination that cat would have stayed all it would have taken is cat food!

your right they are taking the piss

take the cat back get it to the vets and rehome the cat somewhere miles away from these featherweight cat people

CassieBearRawr · 03/08/2015 21:27

I would take the cats to the vets then rehome far, far away from them. They clearly can't be trusted to look after the animal's welfare. It's easy to buy toys and treats but the responsibility of pet ownership is much more than that!

FenellaFellorick · 03/08/2015 21:36

What about saying to them that they don't get the best of both worlds. Either he is your cat and your responsibility and they cease letting him in and feeding him immediately and forever, or he is their cat on account of the fact they have been treating him as such despite your requests to stop and that means the responsibility for his welfare is theirs.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 03/08/2015 21:43

I would take to the vet and rehome. I am also doubtful about their ability to care properly for the cat, and it doesn't sound like the cat can stay with you either.

KiwiJude · 04/08/2015 03:32

What a sweet story LilacWine, lucky puss :)

NoArmaniNoPunani · 04/08/2015 04:23

Is it really that easy to get a cat rehomed?

CheerfulYank · 04/08/2015 04:30

I'd tell them I'd do it but then I'd be keeping him.

BerylStreep · 06/08/2015 19:20

OP what happened?

DixieNormas · 06/08/2015 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2