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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I never do anything with my kids anymore. Should I feel guilty???

35 replies

BattlefieldWidow · 02/08/2015 18:37

I used to love the summer holidays. I'd make a point of ensuring that my kids got one good day out a week. Theme parks, seaside, cinema, boating lakes etc etc...

Then they got older ....

The first time I realised it was getting difficult was when I took them to Turkey. They were 11 and 9. My eldest spent the entire time moaning that it was hot / boring / dirty / pointless and basically refused to leave the hotel.

3 years later I took them on a two week trip across America (New York, Vegas and La. They spent the entire time moaning, complaining, arguing, fighting and basically ruined it and almost wrecked my relationship with DP who said he didn't feel like they'd appreciated anything and he wishes he'd never come with us.

Since then I've not taken them on holiday anywhere. I just don't see the point. Not only that, but my eldest refuses to come on any trips, day outs etc with us saying we're far too boring and do crap stuff. He's 16. Youngest is 14 and moans and complains constantly. Never wants to get out of bed to do anything. Everything I suggest at cinema he doesn't want to see. Any day out I suggest he says sounds crap. This summer holidays he's barely left his room and I can't be arsed anymore. I'm taking him to a theme park next week but that will be his lot. Last year I took him out to xscape and he caused a huge argument with me before we set off because he couldn't be arsed to get ready. I felt like crying as dp was away with his own kids having a great time constantly sending me happy photos of them all.

Would it be unreasonable of me to stop feeling guilty that his summer holidays are shit? Eldest refuses everything (even the themepark) and youngest spoils everything we try and do anyway! I'm sick of trying.

OP posts:

Onecurrantbun · 02/08/2015 21:14

My mum and dad took us on an amazing holiday to Malaysia when I was 16. I was horrible: whined and whinged about missing my boyfriend, miserable as sin in all the photos. Actually (I would have never let on) I adored that holiday and in hindsight am so grateful.

bolino · 02/08/2015 21:30

My DS is 10. He spends all day every day in the summer playing football etc in the park with his mates. As a 37yo woman I'm no company for him! We're both happier this way (I work from home while he's out).

I think your DC are entirely normal and it's unrealistic to expect them to want to spend time with you at their ages. Those days are gone. When they're older you'll be able to enjoy time with them as adults. I'm making more of my own life now that DS is getting older and I feel that's the way it should be.

nokidshere · 02/08/2015 22:02

I ask my teens everyday if they want to do something - invariably the answer is no or can we have a lift to..

Part of me misses the fun times we had in the holidays when they were younger, part of me is loving having free time and leaving them to it

happybubblebrain · 02/08/2015 22:07

Actually, I quite look forward to the day when dd no longer needs me to entertain her. All that spare cash to spend on me, probably.

Octopus37 · 02/08/2015 22:16

I hated family holidays as a teenager. I got dragged on a holiday to Anglessey when I was 15 and wrote the lyrics on a postcard "hide on the promenade etch a postcard how I dearly wish I was not here". I sent this card to my friend. We last had a family holiday when I was 16 and it wasn't a success. One thing about the teenage stage I am not looking forward to but think I will got with going on the holiday I want and leaving them at the hotel with their iPads approach, although the age when they are too young for that is tricky. Today I took my DS's ages 5 and 8 to the Road Dahl museum in Great Missenden, a couple of days ago DS1 said he would rather be killed than go, he's starting young. Think it would be a mistake to not go on the holidays you want etc if you can, as there are no guarantees about retirement, healthy etc, say this as someone who lost my Mum when she was 58 and my best friend when she was 48.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 02/08/2015 22:24

Blimey some of these kids are starting the teen attitude young!

My 10 and 8 year olds still like days out and family holidays (but they get a lot of freedom on the kind of holidays we go on and days out are maybe once a week in the holiday - the rest of the time they play out/ have friends over/ ask for lifts to friends).

I stopped enjoying family holidays as a young teen - it's partly the lack of autonomy away from home as someone else said, and the lack of personal space and having to be with your parents and siblings absolutely non stop all day and all night for 7/10/14 days.

elly333pink · 02/08/2015 22:26

Am feeling exactly the same as you. Have a 15 and 11 year old. Not going on holiday this year as we're moving but actually a relief as in previous years they have been bored and 'too hot' on foreign holidays! They're very good at making you feel like a crap parent!

Mehitabel6 · 02/08/2015 22:32

It is just a natural progression where they don't want to do things with mothers. They come through to the other side eventually.

PowderMum · 02/08/2015 22:51

I must learn to be grateful for my DC

They have just been through their A levels and GCSE exams so for 3 months they have been holed up in their rooms. Now they are back out again and will do things as a family.
DD18 doesn't like beaches so is not coming on the family trip to the sun (my week of pure relaxation after a busy year). However she will go away to a festival with her friends. Then we are doing two city breaks which she loves. dD16 wants to come in all trips and will even go on an extended family holiday to the English seaside.
Both DH and I work full time so mon-fri they do their stuff and at the weekends we do family stuff. Like going to The Proms or cinema.

CharleyDavidson · 02/08/2015 23:05

I went through a list of everything we could think of to do in the hols and made a tick list. Then I made it clear that there would be a mixture of days that they could choose what to do from the list, days where I decided and days where they could choose to be lazy and stay home.

It's worked so far. If asked on a daily basis they will always say no to an offer of going out. On a day last week when I suggested a day out in Chester and they didn't fancy it DD2 asked for the list and went and sorted out with DD1 a suggestion that they could both live with. So we ended up going bowling.

It's not a perfect system, but it seems to be working for us at the moment.

I am royally fed up with 'I'm bored' and them complaining when it involves lots of walking lazy tikes! .

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