How stupid am I being new job, new town, home or no home

[Idontknowjustsomething]

I started a new job last week in a new town.

I spent the last week sofa surfing my brother and a bedsit.

DH and the DD are still in our rental house in London.

We are totally skint until payday on the last day of August.

We are totally crap with money and because of Illness and unemployment and DH fucking up benefits we are now a month and a bit behind on rent.

We also have a shite credit reference. This is making it hard to rent somewhere in the new town.

I could do with some help sorting out what to do with this pickle.

DH want to just hand the jeys back to the Landlord, rock up in Poole, where my job is and throw himself and the DD's on the mercy of the housing people just to get a roof over our heads. We have one way train tickets but a friend has offered to drive us back to our place in London if DH gets no joy from the council Monday.

Everything about our situation is the worst possible. Rent arrears, no guarantor, no money, its a mess and I don't know what to do anymore

I don't think it's a good idea. Everything about our situation is making me feel sick.

My options feel very limited.

Go to job by myself sofa surf until welcome is worn out.

Go to job with family, throw ourselves on the mercy of the council.

Quit job in Poole find another job in London, save save save.

This is all stuff we should have done but DH suddenly list his Job in March and we've had difficulties since then. I did start a thread in chat a couple of weeks ago but I can't find it for some reason.

HELP

If he walks out of a legally rented house Poole council will just tell him to walk right back into it. If he hasn't been served with section 21, then taken to court and evicted then that is his home, and the kids' home, and he doesn't get housed just because he doesn't feel like living there any longer.

Plus extended family is not enough to be a local connection. Not in a local authority with long lists.

Pink truffle

This would be avoided at all costs as amongst other things it is very expensive. However it does happen if the family claim they have no where to stay that night, the local authority has discharged any duty to house and social services can't find temporary accommodation for the whole family. It is a heart breaking occurrence that happens in areas of high demand for housing.

They won't put the kids in foster care! They will tell their silly father to take them back to their legally rented house in London.

Or b & b accommodation? Which isn't ideal of course but it's not on the streets either.

Elastic see above. They have a house. If the dad is silly enough to lie about that fact to the point where the kids are being accommodated in foster care then this family has bigger problems than housing.

Plus - local authorities will pretty much always pay for temp accommodation (from children's services budgets, not housing) if there is no duty to house but there are homeless children, rather than accommodate the kids in foster care. Foster care is an expensive and precious resource not to be wasted when homelessness is the only issue.

OP from your other thread you seem to be carrying this all on your shoulders and some aspects of DH's behaviour are concerning. Is he an alcoholic?

I think a list of all the immediate practical things that need done would help eg - tomorrow, contact payroll/line manager and ask for immediate advance on salary. If you have no other debts, can you get a credit builder card with a low limit to pay for food, keeping your cash for deposit along with your advance?
Have you contacted CAB/Stepchange to see what they say? Can DH do this?

Good luck, you understandably sound stressed out your head. And if you stick to FB/gumtree for accom you won't get fees/credit checks and all the rest of it.

Can you stay with any family in Poole for a long stint?
Or any of those other Dorset areas you mentioned?

How much are you earning in new job?
www.spareroom.co.uk/flatshare/index.cgi?&search_id=232255213&offset=0&sort_by=price_low_to_high
£300 for accommodation in Poole, travel back fri-sun to see the kids.
Make sure all benefits are in place, how old are kids? DH probably won't get jsa.

Your options then are to try to pay rent in London, rent in Poole and save for a deposit for a flat together in Poole. That's the most moral and legal option, no idea if it's possible on your income. Needs DH to be employed too really.

Second option is to get DH to claim housing benefit and tax credits as a single parent, and you save your wages to get a deposit together a lot more quickly. It's benefit fraud so people may flame me for suggesting it but you probably wouldn't get caught and at least the landlord would get their rent paid.

Third option is for DH to stop paying the rent and wait to get evicted, then present at Poole council on the basis that you will have been living there for 6 months by that point and you may have a local connection. This is legal but morally unpleasant as it incurs huge costs and stress for your landlord.

As others have said, your husband needs to stay in London for now.

In terms of renting use somewhere like spare room. With letting agents there are often fees (moving in,renewal, end of tenancy cleaning) which will make things worse financially.
if you lodge with someone it is often cheaper and they tend to go with gut feel and maybe do a reference check (i.e. Just check your employer is actually your employer) or at least that's what I do

Would your brother just suck it up and let you stay until your first pay check clears?
It would be better in general if you didn't have to ask your new employer for an advance.

Something like this is 350 with Bills.
www.spareroom.mobi/flatshare/flatshare_detail.pl?flatshare_id=3626923&mode=full&flatshare_type=offered&search_id=&search_results=&city_id=0&featured=&alert_id=&alert_type=&

I have DH lurking on this thread, so he can see alternative viewpoints.

This is where we are at now.

DH, is not going to quit the house but stay (so thanks all for saying that)

I'm going to tackle work about advance.

I've given DH strict instructions to stay on top of things and focus on keeping the house and children tidy plus signing on and dealing with benefits.

The credit builder card sounds interesting, I'll look into that.

It does feel like chicken and egg, no money no home, but I've got a job and its going to have to be clinging to that as our lifeline.

In the mean time I'll have to follow up every opportunity to get a roof over our head. Except there are problems with that as it can mostly only be done in work hours and just about every place I ring, puts you on hold faffs about and eats my phone credit.

I do need DH to put in more effort, to do this stuff and to keep me informed. His ability to keep me informed is bloody poor, he won't ring me because he doesn't want to "bother" me at work and won't send [exasperation swearword] texts because he doesn't like texting.

Sorry I'm whinging again... Frankly, At times I feel that I'm worse than DH for being clueless because it feels overwhelming managing him, the DD's, the job, the house, the move everything.

Thanks all for your supportive words

Google money supermarket, look for credit cards then put in your info and pick "cards for poor credit".

How about leaving the useless husband and setting up without him? Might be a hell of a lot easier

You can email organisations for help with housing. Ive needed to do this in the past (I really struggle to use telephones) so try emailing organisations as well as phoning.

If you offer to pay your brother to stay with him while you get back your feet then surely he'd help you? Even if it's £20pw it's over £80pcm & you prob won't cost him that much in extra hot water etc. It's not ideal, but it's a low cost option.

Obsidian...
Thanks for your options, your first is my preferred option but we could just about do that, if we had money up front.

The second and third look the most likely.

Finally, DH has had a run of bad luck which I spoke about in my previous thread, that bad luck has affected all of us, he's no where near as bad many and he will stop being useless at some point.

So you're family future is at stake and he doesn't like texting?...words fail me. Have you any family options? Anyone you could move in with? Anyone who could help with childcare?

Do not let your DH leave London with your DD's, by doing so he is surrendering your tenancy in London and making you all voluntarily homeless. Poole council won't agree with him doing it and won't be willing to help you.

Have you called the council to enquire about housing benefit or help with your arrears? Your DH could register with Poole council to be placed on the housing list whilst you're sofa surfing. I'm not sure about Poole/London councils but my local council were concerned when me and DS were apart from my DP for similar reasons and this bumped us up the list a little.

The two week agreement with your landlord is a breach of your tenancy agreement, even if the thought of him waiving your arrears is appealing.If he wants to evict you he must issue you a Section 21 notice giving you 2 months to leave the property. Whilst I understand this isn't something you would necessarily want to happen, it would mean your DH and DDs still have a roof over this heads for 2 months at least.

I have bad credit history myself but managed to obtain a loan through the Credit Union for a bond and FMR. Perhaps it would be worth looking into, it may help you with getting a place for your family in Poole?

Rest assured everyone DH is not leaving London now... Waiting for an eviction and dealing with the subsequent debt is better than intentionally homeless, it gives us a bit if breathing space. Except that then gives us a even worse landlord reference.

The schooling issue is a worry to but I;m deferring that until closer to termtime

We have Credit Union accounts do yep Monday he can schlep himself their and see what he can get and I'll do the same next weekend.

Sadly, I have spoken to him about this and he just won't pull his finger out to do stuff, I think he's become agoraphobic since his depression kicked in. Somehow, we've both been feckless since the beginning if the year. I'm as much to blame for our situation, after being SAHP for two years I was terrified about going back on the job market and DH job loss came as a sudden surprise.

I feel better now reading all your thoughts its giving me a bit of a focus in his to get through this

You seem very protective of your dh, excusing his behaviour, but I'm not convinced this support is being reciprocated. He is the one not working, who has more time to address the practical problems and unused earning capacity. Does he have access to the Internet, could he make applications for jobs in Poole or nearby, look for accommodation on your behalf etc? Is it that he can't find work or can't find work that he would choose to do? Signed up with agencies ?

At the moment his good points seem rather outweighed by him as a potential liability. Are the dds really best placed with him on his own in a city he wants to escape from ? How would you cope if you suddenly received another anxious call from dd1 but had no means to visit.

No one on MN will ever concede that anyone should get council accommodation ever.

I would contact the council and housing associations ASAP. Your situation is pretty dire - why shouldn't you qualify for council accommodation? My BIL was in a similar situation and got a council house straight away. A friend of mine had no 'dire' circumstances at all and applied for and got HA accommodation within weeks.

Does he need to see his GP?

I'd advise against benefit fraud. Not just for the obvious reasons, but because you can probably do without a big overpayment to pay back, a possible penalty fine and interviews under caution. Depending on the amount, you may not be prosecuted, but you'd likely get a caution and that won't make your situation any better.

Tryharder, some local authorities especially in north of England may not have long waiting lists or such stringent criteria for social housing. I promise you, applying for social housing in the South is rigorously assessed and if you have accommodation already you will not have a hope.

LIZS...
He may be a potential liability, but at this moment in time he isn't just caught up like me in this message of our own creation. A previous poster who said we were floating around is closer to the truth. So yes, maybe I am being protective because I'm trying to protect all if us. In the past he has been tremendously supportive, so he can be potentially beneficial just as I can be a potential liability when I'm struggling to see a way through our situation.

My urgent important worry was tomorrow and frankly, we've got past that to focus on the really important stuff.

The real liability is his poor communication, a text, email or a call could often solve some of our problems... but his not wanting to be a bother or a burden makes him more of a bother and a burden.

Most of our arguments revolve around, "why didn't you tell me?" To which the answer is "I didn't think it was important, I didn't want to disturb/bother you, or I was going to" by which time I've found out and got myself worked up, because I've found out about the mess.

TryHarder
Thanks for that bit of info it make me feel somewhat positive

Op I wish you the best of luck. You sound really lovely and I'm sure things will get better soon. Just a thought but have you checked Pooles allocation policy. Some LAs now prioritise those in work in the local area.

For anyone interested or for those who can't believe social services use temporary foster care in these cares pls google the name titiana nzolameso who has had a high profile case involving all of her 5 children placed in foster care after Westminster found her intentionally homeless. Agree it is ridiculous and a waste of money but it is a reality of our housing system.