To think a friend of mine is in a less than ideal situation to have a baby?

[lioncubofcintra]

The friend is 22 and currently 20 weeks PG with her first DC. She lives at home with her parents and doesn't work. She met her boyfriend online, and he lives on the other side of the country from her. She has said her dad is threatening to kick her out because he doesn't want a screaming baby in the house. Before she got PG, she told me she was using the calendar method as contraception. I wasn't surprised that she got PG doing that as it's one of the most unreliable methods. She is very happy about being pregnant but I wonder if she is underestimating the challenges that are ahead of her. She's in an unstable living situation, the baby's father lives hundreds of miles away and it seems she will be relying on her mum to help her rear the baby.

Well obviously it's less than ideal.

Nothing to do with you though?

It's not the best situation, but nothing to do with you.

I'm not sure what you are asking here. Do you just want us to join you in condemning her choice?

She is where she is. She clearly doesn't want an abortion so maybe just be a friend to her. She's probably going to need one.

I doubt she thinks it's 'ideal' either, but at least she is happy about it so she is better off than many.
I don't know how unreasonable you want to be about it but as a friend it would probably be nice if you just put your judges knickers back in the drawer and supported her. There's a lot worse situations than a pregnant woman looking forward to giving birth.

Of course it's not ideal. But it's done now, what do you expect her to do about it?? Just be a supportive friend.

I've had 3 kids in less than ideal circumstances for various reasons. I wouldn't have chosen to have them but my goodness, they are my whole world now they're here. You make the best of what happens to you.

And I couldn't have coped without the support of my wonderful friends. I didn't need people telling me it wasn't ideal, I already knew that!

Define "ideal". One person's less than ideal is another's as good as it gets. She's your friend, she's having a baby, go and buy her some baby gear and some chocolate and be ready to be there for her and the child.

What is ideal? 1.7 kids after a successful career, living in a 3bed semi in a popular suburb with good schools & middle class neighbours? Or is it being born to a mother who loves you and who will do what they can to ensure your love and happiness? Who are you to judge what this woman's ideal might be?

So? None of your of your business, is it judgey-pants? Or do you want a pat on the back for doing everything 'right' in your life?

What's your point though?

I had my first child in less than ideal circumstances. Wouldn't change it for the world, she is amazing.

It may not be ideal for you but works for her. Loving with her parents means she has support on hand and you don't know what plans she is making with her DP for the future - do you? Whatever your situation you'll be overwhelmed when a new baby arrives. I was married and in my own home and 29 when I had my first baby - it was still Fucking hard even though my situation might be deemed 'ideal' by your standards!

I imagine OP Is saying that it was totally avoidable and is less than ideal for the child. I think she is right but also agree that it is done now so everyone needs to try and do their best.

What is ideal? 1.7 kids after a successful career, living in a 3bed semi in a popular suburb with good schools & middle class neighbours? Or is it being born to a mother who loves you and who will do what they can to ensure your love and happiness?

You make it sound like those two are mutually exclusive.

Babies bring their love. Regardless of whether they're born in a castle or in a stable.
Are you saying only the rich should breed.
Yes your friend may not have the ideal life at the moment but 9 months down the line things could be very different.
Same way as a prosperous couple who own their own company and live in a 10 bed roomed house. Could loose their business and their home in that 9 months.
It's called the wheel of fortune and moves constantly.
If everyone waited for the perfect time to do anything. Nothing would get done. The world wouldn't go round, because. There's no such thing as "Perfect".