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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guest's sleeping arrangements - would this total non-issue irritate you too or aibu?

51 replies

yellowdinosauragain · 31/07/2015 23:22

So, massive first world problem but...

We have a family that we're good friends with who unfortunately live on the other side of the UK. We meet up 2 or 3 times a year, usually staying at each others houses to keep the cost down. For context, we both live in decent sized houses with 4 double bedrooms, and each have 2 children aged between 5 and 9.

When they stay with us we put our 2 kids in together so their 2 can have a bedroom, with their parents sleeping in the spare room.

When we stay with them, they put us all in the spare room and their kids each stay in their own rooms. Their spare room is only just big enough for this meaning we don't have much space for our stuff and we don't sleep well as our kids are excited to be away and wake up early.

Aibu to be a bit irritated by this and wish they would put their (nt, same sex, easy going, good sleeping) kids in together when we visit so we can have a more relaxing visit? And if not aibu to put them all in our spare room together when they visit next month?

Disclaimer - of course I'm not going to put them in together when they visit. I'm also not going to say anything as it's not a friendship dealbreaker or anything. I'm just interested in whether others would be irritated by this.

OP posts:
swimmerforlife · 01/08/2015 11:35

YABU.

Maybe they can't be arsed or don't have the time to deal with the hassle of having to tidy up and re-organise the kids bedroom, put toys away etc, having to change the sheets. Then having to put everything back after a long weekend.

EastMidsMummy · 01/08/2015 11:49

WTF? These people are your friends. How can it take a thread on the internet before you think to just ask them if the kids can share?? It freaks me out by how many AIBUs could be answered with "have you asked them?"

LilacWine7 · 01/08/2015 11:54

next time they visit, make them squeeze up in one room. They will learn fast how rude they have been

But they might be perfectly happy to share one room (even if it's a squeeze). Some families prefer to have a family room and enjoy the novelty. I'd feel awkward if the host's children had to share a room to make extra space for my family... I certainly wouldn't expect it.
There are a multitude of reasons why the hosts may be unable/unwilling to make their children share. I don't think it's rude to offer one room to a family. But as a guest, it's bad manners and impolite to imply the room is not adequate. Asking them to make their kids share puts them in an awkward position and they may not be keen to have you stay again.

allpilingin · 01/08/2015 12:00

It would never occur to me to put guests in our own rooms - they go in the spare room or sometimes in the living room. I wouldn't expect my dc to have to sleep elsewhere to accommodate guests (and tbh, rational or not, I don't like the idea of guests sleeping in their beds). I'm always happy enough to share a room with my dc, we always just get one hotel room for all of us so it's just the same thing really. We don't tend to stay over at friends as in your arrangements but if we did, I wouldn't want them to make a fuss and move their dc around to give us an extra room, as one room would be just fine.

PoundingTheStreets · 01/08/2015 12:04

I'd say something. It doesn't have to sound confrontational/whingey. Just say what you've said on here about the fact the DC are excited so disturb you and suggest that all the DC together might find it more fun. IF you're really good friends, I'm sure they'll take it in the spirit it's intended.

PuppyMonkey · 01/08/2015 12:04

I'd be mortified at a friend starting a thread on MN about this rather than just asking me! Can't you just bring it up casually in a phone call about how you have difficulty sleeping when you're at theirs because your kids wake you up so early and it would be so much easier if you had a room to yourselves?

You're friends not business colleagues or something.

Bakeoffcake · 01/08/2015 12:18

If your kids wake up so early, won't they disturb the whole house if they are in their own room and don't have you there to shush them up?

Bakeoffcake · 01/08/2015 12:19

And I certainly wouldn't ask if their DC can share. I think that's really rude.

EastMidsMummy · 01/08/2015 12:25

I cannot believe the eggshells you must be treading on if you can't have a polite conversation with good friends about this.

grapejuicerocks · 01/08/2015 12:43

I'm with you op. It's basic courtesy. I make my kids double up, to free up a room for the visiting children. But then I made my children sit on my lap to free up seats for others and we all know how those threads pan out...

reni1 · 01/08/2015 12:45

Ask your friend, there might be reasons for it, their children might not be so easygoing about giving up their bedrooms or maybe they are worried about your kids getting up at the crack of dawn, super excited and unsupervised?

anon33 · 01/08/2015 14:12

YANBU OP for this grating you, however I think YWBU to ask them to change their arrangements to suit you. I am a "your house your rules" type of person. I don't imagine they have genuinely overlooked this issue as they know that you separate your children for their benefit/comfort, they perhaps don't believe in kicking their own kids out of their beds to accomodate others, whilst you do.

I would say silently seethe or book a B&B.

anon33 · 01/08/2015 14:17

I am the type that would not want people to rearrange their beds/rooms for my family, I would prefer that we all slept together to minimize hassle.

I think the fun of sleeping in someone else's house is that the kids sleep together though. It wouldn't enter into my head to offer children their own room if my children were the same sex and around the same age. My dd was invited to a birthday sleepover once and all the children (who were invited) slept alone in different rooms which I found extremely bizarre. Horses for courses.

Smurfingreat · 01/08/2015 14:23

When I was a child my DP's would put all the kids in together at that age if there were enough visitors to make this necessary. I always thought that was normal, far more normal to me than putting the DC's from each family in separate rooms.

GeorgeYeatsAutomaticWriter · 01/08/2015 15:11

YANBU OP, but it doesn't surprise me given the number of posters here who think it's outrageous to get their DC to share for a night or two to accommodate guests.

reni1 · 01/08/2015 15:34

I think it might have to do with your early riser children. We have good sleepers, children tend to stay up longer with guests around so need to sleep in or they will be tired all day. I tend to do whatever I can to prevent guest children from waking mine at 6am, so if guest children are early risers somebody needs to supervise them to prevent this and since their parents are at hand there is an easy solution to this...

bambooyoohoo · 01/08/2015 15:40

Could you offer to bring an airbed and ask to stay in their lounge while your DC have the bedroom? Perhaps then they would take the hint and offer to put the kids in together?

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/08/2015 15:44

I think it's probably because they don't want your kids waking theirs by running across the landing and having to deal with tired moody kids all day.

Maybe their kids fight or keep eachother aware so they are better off sleeping separately.

your basically just miffed your kids wake you up instead of being able to pretend you can't hear them til one of them is banging on your door and waking the whole house up

yavuuuu to not just ask.and instead start a thread slanging them off as hosts

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 01/08/2015 15:49

We put all the boys in together and all the girls in together. 4 of each on the last occasion Grin. Parents get their own room. That's how all our friends do it too.

I'd drop them an email to ask whether they'd prefer their DC to share with your DC, or with them...

scribblegirl · 01/08/2015 16:04

I don't think people should berate the OP, lots of the time people are asking to find out if their expectations are normal (or, yknow, 'reasonable')

OP the standard for us is spare room for the adult guests and kids share - eldest with the eldest and youngest with the youngest (unless massive age gap). I think PP's suggesting saying the kids want a sleepover is a great idea Smile

scribblegirl · 01/08/2015 16:06

"Lots of the time?" Dear god. I mean 'often on Aibu..'

reni1 · 01/08/2015 16:32

The op said she doesn't want her children in with her because they wake her up. Which means she wants them elsewhere where they will wake up somebody else. This could be fun sleepover territory or a real PITA for the hosts depending on how early they are likely to wake and who they would wake up to entertain them instead of their parents.

bigbluebus · 01/08/2015 16:50

We did a lot of this sort of thing when the DCs were small as DH had friends at the other end of the country. Sleeping arrangements depended on age/sex of DCs.
Here - Adult visitors in spare room (double), visiting DCs in with DS who had a cabin bed with fold out sofa bed underneath and we used a z bed for extra child. We also had family to stay with DN with special needs who wouldn't have coped with that arrangement so he slept with his DBro on blow up matress in playroom.As DCs got older and we have had 2 female DCs to stay then DS has moved out of his room to box room and given up his room to the 2 girls.

When we have visited friends there has been a mix of DS getting one of host children's bedroom or sharing host child's bedroom.

LavenderLeigh · 01/08/2015 19:00

It's strange they are happy to have your DC share a room but don't reciprocate.
I'd go with the suggestion of pitting them all in one room as that seems to be the arrangement they like.

BackInTheRealWorld · 01/08/2015 19:03

Stay at a b&b. If they ask why, say it's because it's just getting too cramped you all in the one room.

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