To expect 'me' time once children arrive?

[Mermaid36]

DH and I are TTC currently. He has a job at the moment where he works away a lot (over half the month currently) and can be sent abroad for 2 weeks with less than 2 or 3 days notice (not armed forces). Part of the 'agreement' for TTC was that he moved role to a job with more regular hours/less travel (or more regulated travel). This is happening, and he starts his new role in a few months.

I am very active, and have lots of 'things' that I do. I exercise 5 or 6 nights of the week (military fitness, boxing team, swimming, zumba), take part in swimming events at weekends, do some vintage modelling occasionally.

I mentioned to DH that once we have a baby, I'd expect him home a couple of nights a week in time to look after the baby so I can continue to attend a couple of exercise sessions a week. I certainly don't expect to do the amount I'm doing now, and I know that it will depend on the type of birth I have etc.

DH looked at me like I was off my trolley. After a quick discussion, I've managed to ascertain that he didn't realise that I'd still want to do "all that" once we have a baby. I asked if he'd still want to keep his football season ticket, and attend his archery sessions when we have children. His answer was yes - and when I said that I wanted to carry on with some of the things I also enjoy, I'm sure a little light came on.

Am I BVU to expect to continue with some of my 'hobbies' once we have children? Do women really morph into 'Mummies' who do absolutely nothing else but look after children? Please tell me it isn't so!?!

[CognitiveIllusion]

YANBU at all to think that your hobbies are just as important as your DH's.

The difficulty once you have DC is finding the right balance of family time, couple time and me time. There just aren't enough hours in the day! If you don't go back to work full time, could you find a gym with a crèche and fit in sone of your exercising during the day?

[Scoobydoo8]

Def keep up an interest/interests.

I didn't, am now enjoying and finding I'm good at so many things I didn't realize - sadly I'm nearly 60- if I'd started the interests when I was 20 instead of 50 how different my life might have been.

[Ragwort]

YANBU at all, it is essential to make time for your own interests, hobbies and friends - and equally important why on earth can't a father look after his own child ...... it's pathetic the number of men who don't look after their own babies/children and I do think, in some cases, this is facilitated by the mother who has to 'prove' how much the child depends on her. Yes, I understand that some women prefer to exclusively breast feed but that is precisely one of the reasons why I mix fed so that I was never in the position that I couldn't leave my baby for an evening/afternoon.

You read so many threads on mumsnet where people find it hard to make friends and I am sure in some part this is due to not keeping up with your own interests but becoming a bit of a 'mummy martyr' and then when your children are older finding that suddenly you are on your own with no interests and no friends.

[HagOtheNorth]

' I asked if he'd still want to keep his football season ticket, and attend his archery sessions when we have children. His answer was yes - and when I said that I wanted to carry on with some of the things I also enjoy, I'm sure a little light came on.'

Exactly. You will both need to compromise if and when the baby arrives, and you may find that the reality is very different to the expectation.
But having that conversation before the baby is a great idea, and him getting his head round the fact that you'll still have an equal partnership and both need 'me time' of some description is very necessary.
Keep talking!

[frankbough]

A lot of me time looses it's spontaneity, and in our house we both work but Mrs Boughs job demands means her hrs are long and arduous, so it's very very difficult for her to find time to do her own thing.. We've spent many hrs shuffling and planning so she can have time to herself..

So wouldn't expect anything, just be prepared to both sacrifice and help each other.