benefit fraud? was i in the wrong?

[smadams11]

hi, first time here so not sure if im posting in the right place.....

(this happened about 5 years ago by the way.)
i was a single parent to my young son and on benefits, including housing benefit. i met a guy and we started dating. he worked full time and lived at his dads house where he paid rent and bills, bought food etc....
after a few weeks he stayed at mine for the night; this became more frequent as time went on obviously. after a few months, he was staying at mine 3/4 nights a week. so he would be at his dads, go to work, back to his dads for a shower etc, then to mine for the night, back to his dads in the morning (he didnt even have a toothbrush at my house) and back to work again. as i said, this happened a few nights a week.

after a year, i was visited by.....the council? i dont remember how it happened exactly, it was so long ago now. i was cautioned on benefit fraud and had a taped interview.
i had absolutely no idea that my boyfriend was classed as living with me if he stayed over more than a certain number of nights a week. especially since he wasnt contributing financially at all-we simply werent that far along in our relationship.
i obviously know the rules now so am aware that i was in the wrong but am wondering whether you think i should get abuse for this? (which i recently have done over on another mum site.) i dont think so, as i simply had no idea.....it didnt make sense to me to be honest, as he clearly wasnt living with me in my mind. at my house he had: a jacket, his shoes, his phone, wallet, car keys and clothes on his back-but only when he came over. when he wasnt there, there wasnt anything of his there.

so to put it simply, he had ALL of his stuff at his dads house, he paid blah blah at his dads house, he slept at his dads house around half of the time (his dad should have reduced his bills for that!), he worked 40 hours a week so we couldnt see each other during the day so he would stay over a few times a week, he had no possessions at my house, he didnt pay towards rent, bills etc at my house, we never even went on a date or day trip etc so none of his money ever went on us at all......i seriously didnt realize that this could possibly be seen as living together. it just never crossed my mind.

once we found out the rules etc, we made sure he didnt stay over as often and we actually moved in together properly about 6 months after being cautioned etc.

anyway, just wondering your point of view on the situation. should i get verbally abused, be called a benefit cheat and get told that (apparently) i knew exactly what i was doing so am a nasty, thieving piece of work? or can it be accepted that it was a regrettable mistake and i dont deserve to get bashed about the head for it?

thoughts? opinions? thank you

smadams11 - I once went to the jobcentre for my lone parent interview. I happened to bump into a friend outside and we went in together and chatted whilst we both waited. I was reported, called in weeks later and questioned under caution about my 'relationship' when All I had done was met a friend outside and we sat and talked. What they hadn't bothered to check was that he was a carer to his partner and that he was also gay.

I later had a partner who lived in another city 200 miles away and was again reported by someone and had to prove his visits were infrequent and he wasn't living there. His council tax bill, mortgage payments and payslips really helped to prove my case. because ti proved he was working in another place and couldn't possibly commute daily. I was looking at a huge fine and repayment otherwise.

The DWP are ridiculously over zealous but they have the 'everyone is a fraudster' attitude.

But I get it though. There have been a few cases where military wives have claimed to be single whilst OH is on tour to get the extra income. It was a report in the paper the no of cases had gone up.

I've researched the law on this and I don't think you should have been treated as living together.

The system is totally draconian.

Good grief there are some really unpleasant people about today.

it was 5 years ago, move on, stop telling people and random Internet forums about it and you won't get any abuse

not deserving of abuse, of course. Benefits fraud? Not sure. Doesn't sound anything like the shit that some other folk get up to.

You don't seem like you were heating the system. In fact, far better to have somebody staying over and maintaining separate households to see how things work out rather than rushing to move in together, especially if you have children.

And taxpayers money? I assume that over the OPs life, she will pay plenty into the system.

cheating not heating!

Yup, thems are the rules... It's grim but 'our' government' subscribes to it.

did you ever get any legal advice on this? how come you were found guilty? or did you just 'admit' it? even 5 years ago there was no rule about number of nights spent under same roof. strange.

I have recently had this.
Partner staying with me and me with him over a few months. We'd just got together.
After us both having been kicked out by previous partners neither of us wanted to risk it happening again.
I fell pregnant, his ex found out and suddenly we were up for fraud. She's never admitted it, but she hates me and also is infertile and desperately broody. Always had sympathy for her before, but kinda lost it since.
Anyway, we were about to move in together, and the day before we got into trouble and found out about the investigation, we'd been to the council and started the ball rolling on getting him on my hb. This, they didn't care about. Both our money was suspended, I'd just found out I was pregnant and it was a terrible time. I was already at high risk of miscarriage and we both have long term health problems, particularly with mh (depression and anxiety).
Eventually, payment was restarted, but even now, three months later, we're told investigation ongoing.
Thankfully me and baby still OK, but the manner in which we were treated was incredible. The phone calls we had with them, they were verging on abusive, the detail we were expected to recall etc put us under insane stress.
Also the money we've lost moving in together is astronomical. I totally understand why people lie about it now. Our already very tight budget is cut by a third. We barely manage. Neither of us are capable of work, it's a shit situation.
And the council are already saving money on not paying for dp's housing. Bizarre really.
As for I pay my taxes, no excuse for not telling dss every detail of your life, benefits scroungers etc., it really is a horrible world down here. I'd never have chosen this life for any of us. The dole are so heavy handed, cos they can be. I'd not been through such unrelenting horror and stress for years.
Surely these shits who spitefully report without real grounds should be punished?
Here, if I wasn't pregnant....!

im not trying to appeal or anything.
i was on another site and there was a thread about someone who owed upwards of 20K for housing benefit fraud, the thread turned to others experiences and i put mine down. then with the backlash for it, i began to feel really awful and i wasnt sure anymore if i was in the right or not. he wasnt living with me but others clearly thought he was etc....

i didnt cook his meals, no. he ate at his dads, work or bought something from the shop on the way to mine. he didnt come over to have sex 4 nights a week! how embarrassing! he would sleep over and we would talk or watch movies, nothing so scandalous as your thinking!

he didnt have a bath at my house (i didnt have a shower) and he was out to work at 5am so was gone before i woke. he would arrive at around 9pm after having a good few hours on his x-box at home after work and leave early as i said.

anyway, thanks for your replies. i wont talk of it again, you can trust me on that!