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Original poster

To think I have no purpose

60 replies

slippersmum · 30/07/2015 21:43

I became disabled recently following a horrible disease which almost killed me and if it returns it will quite quickly. So now I sit and watch Netflix. I had a great career which has gone but I am alive. I would love to do something as I am getting very down I have my family but apart from them what is the point in me? What can I do? Would love to have something to focus on, throw myself into and give me meaning again. I am sorry if this seemed a bit self pitying. I did not intend it to come across that way at all. Please help me get my purpose back. Thanks

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2015 21:47

I think many of us face this at some time or another.
I'm sorry to hear about your disease and disability. Is there no way you can return to your career? Or is there something in a related field?
That said, a career is only the answer if you want it to be. You say you have your family, presumably you have huge purpose there, and that is more than enough for many people (it may well not be for you, just making the point).
Have you had counselling to cone to terms with what has happening? Have you got a really good friend or two you could invite round for wine and to set up a to do list for you? Treat it as a challenge - a positive thing.

Trebushay · 30/07/2015 21:48

I hope the MN hive mind can help, what did you do before, what skills do you have, what are you passions (even if you think they are insignificant)

Your willingness to find something will win through well done for trying to think about it and have. Wine

StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2015 21:48

Bloody he'll just reread my first sentence
'This' is not referring to what happened to you! !
More the feeling of what is the point.
Sorry!!!

Elisheva · 30/07/2015 21:53

What can you do without putting yourself at risk? Can you use a computer? A phone? Could you man a helpline for a couple of hours a day? Offer online support to people in similar circumstances to yourself?

BorisJohnsonsHair · 30/07/2015 21:54

Is there any way you could become involved in raising funds for research/cures into the disease you have suffered from? That way you could potentially help others, which is a great purpose to have.

Are you able to talk on the phone? Maybe you could become a Samaritan? I'm sure there are lots of charities out there that you could do something for.

SewingAndCakes · 30/07/2015 21:55

What did you enjoy doing when you were a child/younger? Could you start doing it again? An OU course or similar might help Flowers

Crabstick · 30/07/2015 21:55

Hi Slipper, there is plenty of point to you. You have been through something truly terrible and come out the other side. Maybe your experience and knowledge of your illness could help someone else? (when you're ready).

Here are some Flowers.

ppolly · 30/07/2015 21:56

try the book 'My Life is a verb' by Patti Digh

IonaNE · 30/07/2015 21:57

You could be a "listening ear", on the phone (as someone suggested) or f2f, if you are able to do these things. If you are a Christian, you could also pray for people - there is no service more valuable than that.

StealthPolarBear · 30/07/2015 22:04

Btw you have meaning. Your life and the way you live it has huge value. If you're not spending your time in a way that you feel is valuable then that needs to change but don't think this is about your own personal value.

Silvercatowner · 30/07/2015 22:21

If you became disabled quite recently then I would suggest you give yourself time to become used to your altered life journey. Might you be grieving for the loss of the life you were expecting? Could some counselling help you with that?

ladygaga1980 · 30/07/2015 22:22

Sorry to hear you're feeling down. But reaching out for help is a good thing and shows you have fight in you still.

Here is another idea to give you inspiration. Imagine the legacy of recording your voice for future generations and to help blind or those unable to read or access books librivox.org/pages/volunteer-for-librivox/

ollieplimsoles · 30/07/2015 22:26

Op your post isn't self pitying at all! I think its really inspiring.

Lots of good suggestions already on here and I hope you get many more. Is your career something you could continue with at home perhaps? If this is not possible then this could be a time for a career change, or making a hobby you have into a career from home?

Take some time as this is a recent thing and you might need some adjustment time spent just being kind to yourself

Timetodrive · 30/07/2015 22:30

I gave up my career because of a disabled child and the worst was when he was at school I used to feel empty but can not go back to work as I am lucky to get three hours sleep a night. I now volunteer and i am learning a foreign language. At my worst I was boring myself and it is difficult to engage with others when I felt so boring. Speak to your family and your GP as well.

Original poster
slippersmum · 30/07/2015 22:54

Stealth that made me laugh. I did think I hope not Wink. that feeling of emptiness really hits a cord. Think the fight I have is slipping from me. Had some counselling but that will take a while and don't have any family apart from the one my dh and I made together. I always had goals, a plan now it feels a bit like free falling and if I let myself fall much further I am not sure I am going to make the climb back. I see the GP each week and she is nice but her help is very limited to my illness. My previous job was working with children who had faced extreme trauma. Trained for years and loved it. I feel loss for the mum I can no longer be to my dcs and for my career and of course the self I have lost and will never regain. (Now I really am moaning). I know with all those super intelligent and organised Mnettets out there someone can help me re find my direction?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 31/07/2015 05:41

Could you do counselling by Skype? Could you work with parents of children with trauma by Skype. I imagine what you have gone through makes your work with trauma even more profound so you you train to become a trauma counsellor for anyone who is the same position as yourself for other reasons. On Skype. Could you write a book about trauma? I think your former profession is not gone yet. Could you give become an online tutor for people studying trauma counselling as part of their overall training to be a counsellor?So just doing that module. You will find something.

AvonleaAnne · 31/07/2015 07:35

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
Does the disease that you have suffered from have any charities that might be able to help/advise you?

My Dad went through something similar in his early forties. I was only 12 but I can still remember the soul crushing depression he felt when he thought his career was over. It wasn't by the way. He is now one of the most respected academics in his University. Could some sort of academic career be of interest to you? My Dad's work is mainly research and he was able to work mostly from home for a few years until he adjusted.

Do you like writing? Maybe you could start writing a diary or blog. Document your experiences for others going through similar problems?

Do you like art, craft or photography? My Dad was sent on a rehabilitation course after his illness. His response to them trying to get him to try different crafts wouldn't be printable! But if you are an artistic person - then craft work can be very engrossing and might help distract you in the short term.

Please don't give up.

This site do-it.org is very good for finding voluntary work but it also helps you build up a CV towards paid employment.

CMOTDibbler · 31/07/2015 07:52

Could you really not go back to what you did before? Even very part time? I understand you might not feel in the right mental place at the moment though, but maybe that could be your longer term goal.

AgeUK have a befriending scheme (dh does it through work) where you phone someone isolated and just chat to them for a while once a week - is that something you'd be interested in?

Depending on what you can manage, crafting for Woolly hugs? Or doing co-ordination for a small charity, or paperwork/newsletters/website for your childrens PTA?

Maybe look for something smallish you could get going quickly, then think about what else you want to do

Original poster
slippersmum · 31/07/2015 09:15

Thanks for your kindness and replies. On one of my medical reports whilst in hospital the consultant had written a summary, (it's a rare disease and i have taken part in lots of studies for them) at the end he wrote 'based on the current prognosis the patients career is over'. Who knows why he wrote that the paperwork was shared with his tutor group. all I know is that that sentence still has the power to make me cry even now.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 31/07/2015 09:23

Oh my look at what you have come through no wonder you feel battered and done in that has to take its toll on a person you are not worthless or useless however saying it and feeling it is different you just need to find your new self, could you use your experience and qualifications and maybe set up q facebook or website for parents of children you worked with before your illness a sort of work from home set up?

Mrsjayy · 31/07/2015 09:25

Wow reading that must have hit you like a ton of bricks.

ppolly · 31/07/2015 09:33

Do you actually agree with the consultant? It isn't uncommon to do counselling/life coaching via phone or Skype. If you loved your career is there a way to transfer that love via another means to reach those that you want to help?

Reginamangina · 31/07/2015 09:33

Drs are among some of the worst communicators around (and I have an ASD so that's saying something) don't take his notes to heart. I have had many careers end. An ending is just a new beginning. I have a disease (not the Asd) which radically changed my mobility and gave me fatigue I've never known before so yet again I had to rebuild and replan my future. It's now becoming like a game /challenge. I cannot let a disease, developmental disability, a doctor, an alliteration of the letter d or anything else dictate my future too much. I can only speak for myself but if I saw someone note my career was over id go into stubborn 'I'll show you' overdrive. It's amazing the things that inspire us. And don't forget, working isn't the be all and end all of contribution to society. There are so many ways one can contribute and be a highly valued member of society from a simple smile at passers by to volunteering somewhere. Good luck & stay strong

Original poster
slippersmum · 31/07/2015 09:47

Thanks everyone I really appreciate this support. Reg you are right. Some days I am in so much pain and frame locks so I cannot walk and I think my fight is going into that but it needs re channelling doesn't it. I have isolated myself from everyone apart from dcs and dh and that's not helped. My sister died 2 years ago and of course my mum etc has been consumed by that. Sometimes the good times just keep on a coming aye! I was always very goals orientated so having nothing to aim for is different for me. Hope I am not coming across as a moaner here! Just need a bit of help I think from you lovely insightful people. Sometimes I wonder what I would do without MN.

OP posts:
Reginamangina · 31/07/2015 09:53

Slippers mum-you need to give yourself as much time as you need to adjust but you also need support from family. Tell your mum you need her to be your mum again for a while. It's too easy to be consumed in grief (through death or life change) and sometimes you need others to help you see a different path through it. There's nothing wrong with that. You and your mum could help each other with purpose.

I'm but usually positive but this struck a chord with me. It's a familiar place and I can really empathise (yeah we can do that too!)