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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

..to pick a 5/6 your old in room at night

65 replies

Adarajames · 30/07/2015 15:11

So they can't wake adults, with thumping and climbing on them / shouting at them, early
It's been suggested to someone as a valid way to deal with the issue, do you think they are making a reasonable suggestion?

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 30/07/2015 15:42

No no no! Please do not lock the door. Stairgate is different as they can shout out over it.

Anon4Now2015 · 30/07/2015 15:43

If social services hear that a child has been locked in a bedroom they will treat it as a safeguarding issue.

MamaLazarou · 30/07/2015 15:45

Absolutely unreasonable.

Kitsandkids · 30/07/2015 15:46

Also, as a pp said - I have a lock on my own door, which we installed before any foster children came to us just in case they tried to burst in on us when we were getting dressed and I did used to lock it in the early days when we went to bed but I never ever use it now as they just totally understand our room is out of bounds.

starlight2007 · 30/07/2015 15:47

is this a wind up? Are you seriously considering this?

DixieNormas · 30/07/2015 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaftanlady · 30/07/2015 15:51

Are stairgates considered bad on rooms?

We have a stairgate on the room that 2 yo DD sleeps in. It's that or have her fall down the steep stairs not far from her door when she comes looking for me half-asleep.

I can't see any other option - what am I missing?

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/07/2015 15:54

kaftan we had closed doors (for fire safety) and baby monitor so I could hear if she woke up.

insanityscatching · 30/07/2015 15:55

No definitely not acceptable and would be investigated by SS from what I've read.
I have sympathy though ds is 20 (ASD) and hasn't slept through the night more than four or five times since he was born and it is exhausting.I try not to think what effect 20 years of poor sleep has done to my health tbh.
For many years dh and I slept split shifts so as to have someone up for ds. A rule that helped was that he could play on screens/ watch TV/DVD,play quietly in his room but he had to stay in his room. Noise would mean I'd confiscate what he was doing loudly and leaving his room would mean I'd confiscate the TV. Can you get the parents to implement similar rules? Ds is still sleepless,he still wakes me most nights but it's better than it has been tbh.

Orrla · 30/07/2015 15:56

I know of only one of my friends who's parent locked them in. She was 10 and had to use a potty during the night. Her Mum was an alcoholic who wanted to be able to drink openly after she went to bed. Thankfully there was never a fire otherwise they both would have burnt to death, considering one was passed out nightly and the other was locked in.

Mum is in AA now for years, but the damage is done and they don't have a good relationship at all now.

starlight2007 · 30/07/2015 15:56

Kaftanlady a stair gate for a 2 year old to stop them falling down the stairs is completely different to locking a 5/6 year old in there room, firstly in case of a fire,secondly in case of needing the toilet..Been locked in a room is not appropriate. Stair gates at 5/6 are considered unsafe..firstly they can open them anyway but also more dangerous due to risk of climbing over them.

At 5/6 they need to be taught how to behave appropriately.

DixieNormas · 30/07/2015 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocobean2805 · 30/07/2015 16:03

Locking a child in a room is unacceptable.
We had a stairgate on my sisters room (she was the Houdini of child locks, car chair unlocking etc) she used to stand at the gate and sing songs. But a stairgate is different to a locked door.

Sanityseeker75 · 30/07/2015 16:06

When DS was little I turned the door handle upside down so he didn't fall down the stairs stairs but he wasn't even 2 and used to climb out of cot (have no idea how he managed this) by the time he was old enough to get that he needed to lift instead of push down I knew he had enough understanding to not climb through the bannister or throw himself downstairs.

5 or 6? Surely as others said big clock that you can show that when it reads x time then that is fine to come get you up unless poorly then anytime is fine - what would you feel or do if the child was really ill and locked in room? What if it had at best case D&V and then had to stay in room?

zazzie · 30/07/2015 16:08

My 8 year old is locked in via a pet gate. He has severe sn and the safety awareness of a baby. He is not toilet trained or able to get past the gate. He will eventually have a safe space.

floatyflo · 30/07/2015 16:10

Stairgates are for safety and nothing wrong with them when used appropriately e.g to stop a 2 year old from falling down the stairs/being scolded in the kitchen.

Locking your 5/6 year old in his/her bedroom? Nope I'd think you were slack and lazy and I'd be pretty disgusted.

morethanpotatoprints · 30/07/2015 16:15

We have never locked any doors, just unacceptable for them to even consider coming in our room.
Just make your boundaries and stick to them with consequences if they over step the mark.
When they are little start by telling them no and taking them out if they cross the threshold. They learn this very young and don't try ever again, well ours didn't.

zazzie · 30/07/2015 16:17

Older children sometimes are locked in rooms with ss approval but this will be for the most severe cases of sn.

bobsbusy · 30/07/2015 16:25

I have a baby gate to stop my 2 yo wandering around at night and falling downstairs. This not the same as locking a door. Finding yourself locked in would be terrifying, if my dc accidentally/think they are locked in the toilet they don't like it.

Locking children's bedroom doors is just lazy parenting.
I have been woken in the early hours by a passing stranger hammering my door to alert me my bungalow was on fire so locking bedroom doors during the night seems very dangerous imo. Every second counts when the fire alarms are screaming, even without a fire safety talk every family member found there way to the hallway, Don't lock bedroom rooms, it's given me creeps thinking about it.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 30/07/2015 16:41

This thread cannot be real. OP, really?

Ilovetorrentialrain · 30/07/2015 16:49

Sorry OP I've just re read your post, seems you're asking on someone else's behalf. Whomever is considering this or suggesting it is extremely irresponsible and cruel.

Original poster

Adarajames · 30/07/2015 17:04

firstwetake yes, it's for real in that it was a suggestion made by another parent to someone having the problem of the child waking them up early by shouting / hitting / pushing at them.
My immediate reaction was to say it was not only dangerous but also barbaric (no sn or otherwise 'special' consideration) and was called judgemental for saying so!!
so thought I'd gather a few others thoughts on it. Glad it's more or less universally damned here

OP posts:

MadamArcatiAgain · 30/07/2015 17:05

When we bought this house there was a lock on the outside of the children's rooms

floatyflo · 30/07/2015 17:43

I would imagine the solution to that problem would be to teach the child not to flipping shout and hit...

What are some people on??

splendide · 30/07/2015 18:35

It'll be tricky when DS is older (he's only 9 months). His room is by some terribly steep stairs but if we use a stairgate the cat will be in his cot. Is a shut door ok?

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