More of a WWYD really. We have two dd’s Dd1 is 4 and Dd2 is 2. We have a very close relationship with my dad and step mum – we see them twice a week and dd2 stays over there one night a week also. My issue is both my dad and my stepmum seem to favour dd2. It is true that dd1 is a bit more “high needs” she is shy and reserved (even with those she knows well) and probably like most 4 year olds can be moody and demanding of attention (particularly with me) as wel. My step mum helps out with childcare one day a week (after which DD2 sleeps over) there has never really been an issue with DD1 going too as she is in pre school nursery that day and obviously couldn’t stay over as has nursery the next day (although the offer was never made to look after dd1 prior to her attending nursery). However now its the summer holidays – step mum does not want to have both kids (fair enough two is a handful) BUT only wants to have dd2 – she hasn’t explicitly come out and said this but the vibes have been very clear. To be fair dd1 is a homebody and would probably choose to stay home with me or her dad however she has most definitely noticed and commented on the fact that she has never been for a sleepover at Granny and Granddads’.
Ddad and Stepmum also frequently make comments when referencing any “bad” behaviour/whingeing from DD2 – claiming she is “copying dd1”. They have both said she rarely cries when in the company of just them and that when she cries when dd1 and I are around it is “usually because of something dd1 has done.” In the past Step mum in particular has compared the girls (while they are in earshot!!!) about how “good dd2 is eating” etc. – I have pulled them up on this and will continue to do so. Stepmum pulls dd1 up regularly on behaviour I would probably let go – nothing major just things like muttering “it’s not fair” under her breath or whatever. When encouraging the girls to share etc. I feel I have noticed a preference towards taking the side off dd2 and allowing her to continue playing with whatever toy they’re fighting over – to be fair this could be imagined on my part, there have definitely been instances where the toy has been taken from dd2 and given to dd1 and it is often dd1 trying to get whatever it is dd1 has so.......? I am confident that they love both girls, they buy little presents for both of them equally, they are affectionate with both (when dd1 allows!) but I can’t help but feel this favouritism towards dd2 and I am worried it will end up having a negative effect on dd1?
I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place – seeing them two days a week is very regular I appreciate that but my ddad has a life limiting illness, it is very unlikely he will live another 5 years. The girls bring him a great deal of happiness and obviously I have a sense of needing to make the most of the time I have left with him!