To plan a holiday with DH without children need some piece

[vodkanchocolate]

These Summer holidays are so far driving me mad, we managed 4 days away as a family last week and it was complete and utter nightmare, we have 2 children with sn. This week is also proving to be another hard one. Just really need a break. I know it sounds selfish and its all part and parcel of having children but we were talking last night about saving up for an holiday abroad just me and him in 9 years together weve never had a proper holiday together its a lovely idea but cant see it happening :(

We get the odd weekend to ourself and we had a weekend away in january paid for by the inlaws as a joint 30th birthday present but weekends go so fast and half the time by the time weve travelled and in constant contact with mother in law about the children its like weve blinked and missed it :(

Is it cheeky of us to ask in laws to have them for a week? Although always happy to have them and often offer at least MIL would have to book it off work. Hes said he reckons she would with enough notice (and she probilly would to be fair) but just feels wrong to think about it let alone asking and I dont think I could switch off worrying thought of been in another country away from them is a pretty daunting thuoght

So what im wondering is it is unreasonable to him to ask her? On the other hand we could deffinately do with a break together even if we stay in uk.

Yikes I have 5 and two have autism (mine are mostly grown up now) I don't think I'd have asked anyone to have my lot because it really is hard work and not for the faint hearted. My df and fil had the oldest two occasionally, more to give the oldest two some adult attention rather than because I needed them to.
Have you considered asking children's services to make an assessment of your needs with regards to respite? I used to use holiday clubs for the ones without autism during the summer so we had a bit of a break. Could never find anyone prepared to take ds with autism so it had to be that way tbh.

how old are your dc's op ????

No-to be honest, I wouldn't ask anyone to have four or five children for a week so I could have a break. I see my children as my responsibility and asking someone to book holiday to have them is rather a lot to ask. I presume you'd pay for the loss of income?

What about a weekend in the UK? Not as exotic but much fairer on your MIL.

To be honest OP if you were "in constant contact with mother in law about the children" when you went away for a weekend in January, why would it be any different if she were to have them for a whole week?

And yep 4-5 kids is a Hell of an ask. So much more so than 2.

Sorry but I think it's a bit of a piss take to ask for a whole week personally.

I also think its far too much to ask you in-laws and would put them in an awkward position, 5 kids without any with SN is a very big ask.

A lot of parents don't get time away and take the children with them on holidays. It's called having children. The odd couple of days is a god send.

I would if Mil is up for it and doing it in school tines so kids are entrained during the day .

I think it's a lot to ask of your MIL to look after them for a week.

Presumably 4 of the 5 are under 9, so it's not like the DCs would be able to entertain themselves.

When DS was younger we quickly learned that when we were lucky enough to get some time to ourselves (DM was able to look after DS at that stage) then it was better to book something luxurious that was close rather than travelling too far. You could look for something in an area with poor mobile reception if you really wanted a break.

Or another option is to go for 2-3 nights abroad. We've done that once - it was a 24 hr epic adventure round Amsterdam as they were the only flights that were suitable and affordable. Not relaxing as such, but a complete break from reality and nice to do it together as a couple.

I'm all for parents having adult time, me and DP try and get a couple of weekends a year without our 4. But they are older, and have various other parents to go to.

I think you're asking a bit much, if I'm honest. Parents of kids that need looking after, SN or not, just can't get away for a bit of peace very often! That's what it's like I'm afraid.

I sound really martyrish about it, but I'm not, I promise, I just think it's a bit of a cheek.

Hannahouse My husband and I have regular, albeit short, holidays and breaks away from our children. They enjoy it as much as we do! We´re certainly not celebrities. However, I understand that each family is different and we are lucky that we have someone to take care of our children and know that not every parent has that.

How old are your children? Might it be easier, possibly cheaper, to send the kids away instead? On a PGL type holiday or something? Not sure if there's something similar for DCs with SN but it's worth asking around? Then you could do something in the UK together.

Piece of what?

Thanks for your honest replies tbh this would be my response too if someone asked me if it was been unreasonable. I cant see us going anywhere for a week it was just a passing idea we had.

My kids are 9,7,5,5 (twins) & 2 its my 7 year old with autism (newly diagnosed) and my 5 dd who has development delays. MIL is 50 and pretty good health shes always offering to have them which is why hubby was sure she would agree.

But i do think your all right it is a lot to ask his dad works long hours and when hes not at work hes playing golf so i dont think its really fair if hes tired from work having 4 kids there all week. Plus probilly too disruptive for the kids especially my 7 year old.

Ive never been told about any respite i presume we arent serious enough and tbh i wouldnt expect to get any.

I would also like to just clarify that im not a piss taker or a celeb wannabe just dont get alot of support off anyone other than Mil which i am very greatful for x

Hmm maybe a four or five night break while the bigger ones are at school so that MIL doesn't have them all day. Is the 2 year old at nursery? It would probably be better if the kids could stay at home though, so if your place is welcoming to MIL maybe she'll see it as a nice break from golf obsessed husband? Just speculating here.

would your family cope with your DC (,esp the ones with SN)?

I have a DD with complex and severe SN. never had a holiday (not even with DP). I am working and exhausted and burned out. I get where you are coming from.

But I would not be able to leave DD with somebody and go on holiday. DD would not cope and nobody else would cope with her (we don't get respite). I would not be able to relax at all whilst being away.

suppose it boils down to as to whether your family can cope with the DC and if your DC would be fine without you.

That was helpful bobsbusy

Maybe it would be easier if mil ztayed at your house, if you do ask her and she is happy to do it. That way the kids have all their toys and it might be easier for mil to cope with.

I think it's okay to ask. When my dc grow up I will willingly help them out - they are my children. It's not like asking a friend, she is your dhs mum.

Good ideas from Charley50.

Yes, I agree with a) doing it term-time so MIL just has to do the school run rather than having the DC FT and b) her staying in your house to minimise disruption to your SN DC's routine. That's what my mum did when we went away - she came and stayed in our house, took the DC to school/nursery and had a break during the day. If you did that then maybe you could get a five-night break out of it without breaking your MIL!