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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How soon is too soon to approach new neighbour?

32 replies

VixxFace · 30/07/2015 06:45

I live in a small black of 6 flats. A new neighbour moved opposite my flat and the first I knew of it was when she knocked on the door and asked did we have WiFi and a password she could use? (He said no sorry).

The first night she brought her belongings with her friends using asda trolleys which are still outside the front of the flats.

She has been very loud and I can hear her as she paces outside her front door and the front swearing and screaming.

Last night she was in the garden with her friend shouting for a neighbours cat. They came in and out slamming the door many times. Then her and her friend had an argument. Cue her friend screaming and crying running up and down the stairs . This was at 11pm.

I want to say something to her, because she's annoying me already but the main reason is 3 of the flats are occupied by elderly people. The lady at the bottom unfortunately is in the last stages of cancer and it's not fair for her to be having the door slammed right next to her bedroom.

What would you do if anything?

OP posts:
Roussette · 30/07/2015 06:57

Hmmm... she's hardly endeared herself to you as a new neighbour and I would be pretty pissed off too. Asking for your wifi code is a right cheek.

I would go round with a big smile fixed on my face, I would welcome her to the flats and then I would quietly and calmly explain the situation of the elderly neighbours, especially the poor lady with cancer, and I would keep everything crossed that works. It sounds very worrying.

OneMillionScovilles · 30/07/2015 07:01

Wow, way for her to make a first impression...!

I think you need to say something sooner rather than later, but you obviously don't want to make an enemy of someone you have to live with. Perhaps you could find a way of fitting it into a nicey-nicey 'Welcome to the neighbourhood!' chat?

Eg...

OP: Hi! I'm Vixx in number 4. Just wanted to welcome you properly.
Loud Neighbour: Thanks, that's really nice of you. Triple chocolate chip? Yum!
OP: Sorry we couldn't help you with the wifi - did you get it sorted?
[random small talk]
OP: Obviously you don't know yet, but Belinda - she's a lovely lady who lives in #2 - is very ill at the moment; we all try to keep the noise down, especially after (eg) 9pm.
LN: [probably says something more accommodating than 'screw Belinda - I will hold brass band practice whenever I like!']

Fin

Sorry you're having to deal with this Vixx - bad neighbours are soul destroying Wine

OneMillionScovilles · 30/07/2015 07:03

X-post Roussette! - glad I'm not alone in the approach Smile

MrsWembley · 30/07/2015 07:32

Sooner rather than later!

Our DCs run around a lot (told not to, but there you are) and it wasn't until our neighbour downstairs had been there a couple of years that he said something about the noise...

Blush
Roussette · 30/07/2015 07:39

OneMillion I would like to think your scenario works! Smile

However, going by her initial impression, it's a bit worrying!

Hygge · 30/07/2015 07:41

I think you can approach her now, it's not too soon, but I'd pick out the bits I mentioned.

"Don't know if you realise how the noise carries even from the garden…elderly neighbour in last stages of cancer treatment…can hear you outside and the door slamming as you come and go..."

I wouldn't directly mention the shop trolleys or the cat at this point, just that you hear her often and it is very loud.

Can you speak to the management company or landlord of the flats about the trolleys. And mention that you've had to have a word about the noise?

If the slamming door is an external one then maybe they could fit one of the those lever things that closes the door for you very slowly.

And I think most supermarkets have a number you can ring about lost trolleys. It costs them a lot of money for every missing trolley they have, so if you reported them I'm sure they'd come and collect them.

Original poster
VixxFace · 30/07/2015 07:45

Thanks everyone, some great advice.
Our block of flats is a mixture of council and owned property. The young girl is in a council property so I could call them if it did start to become a serious problem. I think I will anyway for the door stopper thing.

I will knock later!

OP posts:
OneMillionScovilles · 30/07/2015 10:14

Roussette what can I say - I generally naïvely trust in people on a first encounter Blush (Show me you don't deserve my trust, and I'll be teeth and claws...)

((I have deep seated social anxiety and make DH do most of the talking to people - but I'm bitchy and judgey behind closed doors - does that count?))

PtolemysNeedle · 30/07/2015 10:18

I'd go straight to the council and ask them to tell her.

Original poster
VixxFace · 30/07/2015 11:25

Would the council listen though ?

OP posts:
Fatmomma99 · 30/07/2015 11:30

I could be wrong in this, but I think that if she's in a council property and turns out to be a proper problem neighbour, the council will take some action, but only after there's lots of evidence.

So if I were you, I'd start to keep a diary now (just times and a brief note of event) so that if you do feel you need to get the council involved, you've already got a body of evidence for them to use.

And agree with trying to talk to her first.

Good luck.

GraysAnalogy · 30/07/2015 11:30

I think if you catch her on a good day then it might be okay but I don't think it'll make a difference to be honest. She sounds like my mums old neighbour. I would be tempted to log it with 101. Tell them you don't want anyone to come out, but there's a disturbance. This can be evidence for the council I would think

I recently posted about the neighbour who was terrorising my mother. She was staggering into my mums garden when my mum was entertaining, trying to sit on my mums knee and making rude comments like 'id shag the arse off you and your son'. Mum would ask her to leave, she just woundn't and just sat there. Did this all the time, mum couldn't enjoy her home, she actually walked into her living room at one point. Ended up attacking my mum. My mum is terminally ill but managed to drop her because the woman was clearly on something... anyway I had to get involved and going round was not a good option Grin

achieve6 · 30/07/2015 11:33

I'd go straight to the council
the reason being, people who are that noisy and inconsiderate don't usually give a stuff that their behaviour affects other people

better she hears it from an official body than an individual neighbour

I don't know if the council will listen but I doubt she will - though mentioning your neighbour with cancer might help

I am sorry to sound so negative but my experience with noisy neighbours has taught me this. Between the WIFI, the trolleys and the screaming I think we can safely say that she knows she is noisy and doesn't care. It's not like she is doing one thing that might be accidental.

specialsubject · 30/07/2015 11:38

brutally, she's either selfish or unhinged and it will get worse.

fortunately it is a council flat so approach them to start the process. They will either tell her to change her behaviour or give this precious resource to someone more deserving.

eventually...

hiddenhome · 30/07/2015 11:56

If you say anything to her, she'll just end up by being more noisy and antisocial just for the hell of it.

These feral types don't respond to reason or sad stories about cancer either. They're generally lacking in conscience and have low IQs which is a very bad combination.

Complain to the council.

Original poster
VixxFace · 30/07/2015 15:11

Thanks everybody. Do you think that it's a bit early to go to the council, she's been there 3 days? Or is it best to log it now.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 30/07/2015 15:22

"Do you think that it's a bit early to go to the council, she's been there 3 days?"
And in that three days, she's caused an awful lot of noise and disturbance. Report ASAP.

specialsubject · 30/07/2015 16:31

all that in 3 days? Blimey.

get the process started. It won't be quick!

SoleBizzzz · 30/07/2015 16:38

Report ASAP.

TheRealAmyLee · 30/07/2015 16:57

I would report direct to council now. If its a block of flats she wont know who did it then so less repurcussions if shes that way inclined.

Original poster
VixxFace · 30/07/2015 17:14

Ok great. Will do so.

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 30/07/2015 17:42

She won't care.

Approach her briefly and ask her to keep it down and then when she more than likely doesn't, report her to the council. Only because they will ask if you've tried to deal with it yourself.

Do not waste your time or money with muffins.

It will take a lot of time. Possibly more time than your downstairs neighbour has left.

Liked the detail about the Asda trollies btw Hmm

RosePetels · 30/07/2015 17:57

I had a neighbour who was a council tenant and I ended up leaving because I couldn't take their inconsiderate behaviour. The council didn't do anything and won't without several records but it's hard to quickly pull out a camera sometimes.
I would say speak to her first. She probably isn't aware she is a nuisence. If it continues or gets worse then you can try the council but don't hold your breath with them.
Sorry you are going through this too I know what it's like to have an annoying inconsiderate neighbour

RosePetels · 30/07/2015 17:59

The trolleys you can report to the council as fly tipping and they will come pick them up, if you wanted to report her as the fly tipper they will probably need recorded proof

gamerchick · 30/07/2015 18:04

Personally you're better off ringing the council now. She'll be on probation or the like and theyll get her told I would think.