Have been pals with this lovely lady since last June, we met through my youngest daughters part time job. We were both in a low and lonely place and recovering from the devastation of our long term marriages breaking up as both our husbands had been having affairs and had been found out and then subsequently left.
Anyway my friend met this man through online dating last october and practically moved him into her house within weeks! I was wary of him and couldn't 'take' to him. He seemed shifty to me but i couldn't put my finger on it iyswim? My friend was never that keen on him but she said it was for the company as she was lonely and i never said too much about him to her but i had my reservations as he lived with his old aunt and did some cooking for her but nothing else. He was 56 years old but hadn't worked for the last 20 years but he was very mobile no physical limitations. He never had a penny to his name, nothing. Could not drive, no car and on jobseekers allowance at £60 a week. His aunt was on the rent book of the council flat he shared with her.
I used to baulk at my friend having to buy coffees etc any time they went out as he had nothing. Even my friend said to me that she was sick of having to do this but she was sure he was the best she could get as she has a lot of health issues and said nobody would want to be with her because of that. I used to try and reassure her that that was not always the case and that she was lovely, kind and funny, but it would fall in deaf ears. I used to see her when this man would go back to his own home for a couple of days each week but i must admit i did at times feel a bit like i was being slotted in when he wasnt there?
Anyway this weekend she phoned me in a right state saying that money she had in a bedroom drawer had been taken by him! Nearly £3k. The police were called, he denied it but the police said he had been caught on cctv handing over the envelope at the bookmakers near her. They charged him with theft and kept him in a cell over the weekend. He has now been let out and is begging her to give him another chance! He should not be contacting her because of bail conditions but is constantly phoning her and he has even went round to her daughters begging for a second chance with the family! He keeps saying he wont do it again and doesnt know why he did it in the first place. I can feel my pal wavering.....
I have said to her please do not let him back in, he will do it again, apparently he has a gambling addiction, and he could never been trusted. I met her today for lunch and i said i would never speak to him as i would be so wary and i would be terrified of saying anything to her in case she relayed anything back to him. I do not know who he would know and i would feel i could not even say if i was going away for a few days abd my house would be lying empty?
So my question is this. I basically told her in a round about way that i could not be friends with her if she lets that man back into her life again. I feel really terrible now as i know she needs my support! Over this last year i have been a good friend and been there for her but this is bothering me and i feel such a heel but am worried about this man!
AIBU for saying this to my friend? Thank you for taking the time to read this but i have been so upset tonight.