Another aibu to not go?
ginmakesitallok · 29/07/2015 10:06
A few friends have big birthdays next year and are arranging a day out. The suggested day will cost over £200 (including tickets, travel, drink and required new clothes). Although I could afford it I just don't want to spend so much to celebrate their birthdays. I said I thought it was too expensive, was told if I start saving now it would be fine. They all earn at least double what I do.
Aibu to say I'm not going?
Jewels234 · 29/07/2015 10:12
New clothes are 'required'? As in, 'you can't come unless you're wearing new clothes'? That feels odd, and surely would bring the cost down significantly if you were to wear something you already had?
YANBU if you really don't want to go. But I would have serious FOMO if I didn't go to a day like that.
florentina1 · 29/07/2015 10:18
I hate this, when people expect you to spend your money on their celebrations. Friends of ours once asked us to go on holiday with them. When I said, we could not afford it, she said, "of course you can, just save you Child Benefit every week".
I guess she thought the holiday was more important than feeding my kids.
NoSOHisadealbreaker · 29/07/2015 10:48
Completely slightly off topic, but thanks for introducing me to FOMO Jewels.
Great new (to me) acronym) but it's made me realise how old I am getting (well, that, and the mirror!). Time was when I suffered acutely from this but nowadays the only time it strikes is when I fear I may be losing a sitting in front of the telly with a huge slab of chocolate opportunity.
OP yanbu, of course. Save the dosh (if you can) for something that YOU want to do. You buy quite a few slabs of chocolate for £200!
scarlets · 29/07/2015 11:11
£200 is rather a lot for a non-wedding event, but I'm hearing of it more and more (friend of mine organising trip to the races with hospitality for her husband's 40th, £165 each excluding transport). Whatever happened to good old-fashioned dinner+nightclub birthday celebrations?
OP - if you really want to go, save up and maybe get an outfit on eBay. Otherwise, don't. It's a big ask, £200, when you've a young family.
Fluffybear86 · 29/07/2015 11:15
Feel your pain! I have a family member who was 40 last year and she expected us to pay ?300 plus to go to the races, stay over spend lots on a meal. She is 40 and lives alone with a good job so tends to have disposable income. The people she was asking had kids, were part time, planning weddings etc In the end all of us one by one told her it was too much to expect especially with a few weeks notice and the 40th was toned down. A few girls still didnt come because i think she'd upset them with expecting all this. I appreciate that its a big birthday etc but people really need to consider others situations.
The80sweregreat · 29/07/2015 11:37
when did it become customary for people to have to pay out all the time for special birthday, weddings, baby showers etc etc. I read this thread most days and this seems to come up a lot. people just don't seem to think that not everyone can afford to do lots of things all the time. Years ago we would just go out to the pub for a hen night or birthday, nobody expected people to pay through the nose for things.
I have turned down things before now because of money, if your friends cant accept this then its a reflection of them and not you in my opinion.
there are better things to spend cash on, such as general living, rent and food, as boring as that might sound!!
sadwidow28 · 29/07/2015 13:14
I must be doing it wrong. For my 47th birthday (the first year after DH died) I took 12 friends who had been supportive whilst DH was ill to a slap-up meal in a rather nice hotel. I booked a minibus and paid for everything including drinks all night.
Then for my 50th, I booked a hotel and invited 52 family and friends. As I live at a distance from family, it made more sense for me to arrange the celebration close to them and I booked accommodation in the hotel. Again, I paid for the meal and all drinks.
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