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Another aibu to not go?

22 replies

ginmakesitallok · 29/07/2015 10:06

A few friends have big birthdays next year and are arranging a day out. The suggested day will cost over £200 (including tickets, travel, drink and required new clothes). Although I could afford it I just don't want to spend so much to celebrate their birthdays. I said I thought it was too expensive, was told if I start saving now it would be fine. They all earn at least double what I do.

Aibu to say I'm not going?

OP posts:

Jewels234 · 29/07/2015 10:12

New clothes are 'required'? As in, 'you can't come unless you're wearing new clothes'? That feels odd, and surely would bring the cost down significantly if you were to wear something you already had?

YANBU if you really don't want to go. But I would have serious FOMO if I didn't go to a day like that.


ginmakesitallok · 29/07/2015 10:14

It's an event which requires me to wear something I don't already own. FOMO?

OP posts:

Jewels234 · 29/07/2015 10:16

Ok. Well, YANBU. Just make an excuse.

FOMO = fear of missing out. I hate the thought of my friends having fun without me! But that's just me.


ginmakesitallok · 29/07/2015 10:17

I can live with missing out!

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 29/07/2015 10:18

So is it to celebrate all the birthdays at once? Surely it would be cheaper to do that than have separate celebrations for each of them


florentina1 · 29/07/2015 10:18

I hate this, when people expect you to spend your money on their celebrations. Friends of ours once asked us to go on holiday with them. When I said, we could not afford it, she said, "of course you can, just save you Child Benefit every week".

I guess she thought the holiday was more important than feeding my kids.


LurkingHusband · 29/07/2015 10:19

I said I thought it was too expensive, was told if I start saving now it would be fine

Not really thinking of you, were they ?


ginmakesitallok · 29/07/2015 10:23

I wouldn't be celebrating all their birthdays separately, we're not all close friends.

Agree that they weren't considering me, think they forget that I'm PT and have kids etc ( they are all older, with grown up kids or child free)

OP posts:

00100001 · 29/07/2015 10:24

Just don't go!


LilyMayViolet · 29/07/2015 10:25

In general, unless it's a wedding, I don't like spending a fortune on things like this either. I think £200 is a lot of money for a birthday celebration too.


Dixiebell · 29/07/2015 10:26

They're perfectly entitled to organise something like this, sounds like a fun way of celebrating and getting friends together. You are perfectly entitled not to go if you don't want to. Neither of you are BU.


EvilTwins · 29/07/2015 10:28

YANBU. I'm celebrating a "big" birthday next month and DH and I are taking 4 close friends out for dinner (as in we're paying) I think it's a bit shitty to ask people to celebrate your birthday with you and then add "it'll cost you £xxx"


dementedpixie · 29/07/2015 10:30

Don't go then if you don't want to. None of you are bu


ginmakesitallok · 29/07/2015 10:39

I don't think they abu! They can do what they like and I hope they have a great time!

OP posts:

NoSOHisadealbreaker · 29/07/2015 10:48

Completely slightly off topic, but thanks for introducing me to FOMO Jewels.

Great new (to me) acronym) but it's made me realise how old I am getting (well, that, and the mirror!). Time was when I suffered acutely from this but nowadays the only time it strikes is when I fear I may be losing a sitting in front of the telly with a huge slab of chocolate opportunity.

OP yanbu, of course. Save the dosh (if you can) for something that YOU want to do. You buy quite a few slabs of chocolate for £200!


GreyBird84 · 29/07/2015 10:55

I'm more JOMO - joy of missing out!

YANBU OP but sometimes not going to these things can affect friendship dynamics or maybe that's just with my 'friends' I admit I'm not the most sociable but Im starting to make more of an effort on the social scene.


Trills · 29/07/2015 10:59

When you say I don't want to spend that much to celebrate their birthdays

do you mean I don't want to spend that much on that activity with that company ?

The choice should be about the activity rather than the nominal reason for the outing.


TheRealAmyLee · 29/07/2015 11:07

I would bow out as well just simply saying "sorry it's too expensive for me but I hope you have a great time"


scarlets · 29/07/2015 11:11

£200 is rather a lot for a non-wedding event, but I'm hearing of it more and more (friend of mine organising trip to the races with hospitality for her husband's 40th, £165 each excluding transport). Whatever happened to good old-fashioned dinner+nightclub birthday celebrations?

OP - if you really want to go, save up and maybe get an outfit on eBay. Otherwise, don't. It's a big ask, £200, when you've a young family.


Fluffybear86 · 29/07/2015 11:15

Feel your pain! I have a family member who was 40 last year and she expected us to pay ?300 plus to go to the races, stay over spend lots on a meal. She is 40 and lives alone with a good job so tends to have disposable income. The people she was asking had kids, were part time, planning weddings etc In the end all of us one by one told her it was too much to expect especially with a few weeks notice and the 40th was toned down. A few girls still didnt come because i think she'd upset them with expecting all this. I appreciate that its a big birthday etc but people really need to consider others situations.


The80sweregreat · 29/07/2015 11:37

when did it become customary for people to have to pay out all the time for special birthday, weddings, baby showers etc etc. I read this thread most days and this seems to come up a lot. people just don't seem to think that not everyone can afford to do lots of things all the time. Years ago we would just go out to the pub for a hen night or birthday, nobody expected people to pay through the nose for things.
I have turned down things before now because of money, if your friends cant accept this then its a reflection of them and not you in my opinion.
there are better things to spend cash on, such as general living, rent and food, as boring as that might sound!!


sadwidow28 · 29/07/2015 13:14

I must be doing it wrong. For my 47th birthday (the first year after DH died) I took 12 friends who had been supportive whilst DH was ill to a slap-up meal in a rather nice hotel. I booked a minibus and paid for everything including drinks all night.

Then for my 50th, I booked a hotel and invited 52 family and friends. As I live at a distance from family, it made more sense for me to arrange the celebration close to them and I booked accommodation in the hotel. Again, I paid for the meal and all drinks.

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