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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put dd into summer camp

30 replies

hadenoughoftheholsalready · 28/07/2015 18:39

School holidays with my 8 year old dd. So much planned for her. Really want her to have a good time and good memories.

However, she doesn't seem to be in the same spirit as me. She's rude (bordering on nasty) to me and her older siblings. I can't ask her to do anything without her biting back at me 'you're so mean' etc.

Today I planned a picnic and play in the park with friends. I was basically a bag and bike holder and when I asked her to hang onto her bike so I could put something in my bag she hissed 'you're always mean to me!' We went home instantly and I haven't spoken to her since. Dh came home from work and took over.

I feel totally deflated. In all the years of being a parent (over 20) I have NEVER felt like this during school holidays. They're usually full of fun and relaxation and generally I'm miserable when they go back to school!

There's a holiday camp/club very close by. It's brilliant. It's not cheap but I'm thinking about booking her in, for half days at least. I feel guilty as I'm not working during the holidays but I just can't take any more. AIBU?

OP posts:

Lookingforwardtoholiday · 28/07/2015 18:41

You are not being unreasonable at all. I always book mine into camp for a couple of days a week in the summer holidays, they love it and I get a bit of a breather

AuntyMag10 · 28/07/2015 18:41

Yanbu, she does sound rude. Maybe a break would be a good thing for both of you.

Fatmomma99 · 28/07/2015 18:43

If you can afford it, sounds like a good idea - give you both the opportunity to miss one another.

vulgarwretch · 28/07/2015 18:44

Where I live everyone sends their children to summer camp. Of course you should, if she will enjoy it - it doesn't sound as if she's enjoying the jnstructured fun and relaxation you have planned so let her do something else.

pickingstrawberries · 28/07/2015 18:45

My DS is awful.

I really want to smack him (I won't, but that's how cross he's making me.)

neolara · 28/07/2015 18:46

I think it sounds a good idea but I also think you might need to spend some time addressing the "meaness" issue. I guess it could be down to lots of things - bloody mindedness, lack of empathy, jealousy, anger, sibling rivalry, tiredness etc.. Obviously, you'll probably have an inkling what it's about. Good luck sorting it out. Sounds exhausting.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 28/07/2015 18:48

If you do this, and her older siblings get to stay at home, will she feel rejected and pushed out by you? That would be my concern.

Original poster

hadenoughoftheholsalready · 28/07/2015 18:56

SDTG the older ones are college age so I'm not really doing much with them anyway. Holiday plans pretty much revolves around the 8 year old with picking up and dropping the older ones to meet friends, work etc.

OP posts:

saoirse31 · 28/07/2015 20:04

I'd think maybe you need to find out why she's acting like this if it's a new thing.. I also think the not speaking to her for hours is probably not productive.

ReallyTired · 28/07/2015 20:10

A child should attend a summer camp as way of learning a new skill, if its not childcare. In my area there are all kinds of things children can do.

This week both of my kids have been doing a threatre course. They are getting to experience being on stage, learning to dance and sing. (while I play on mumsnet!)

Next week dd wants to go to a gymnastics holiday camp. I am sending her there so she can learn to a round off with breaking her neck or the sofa. As a SAHM I do not have the skills or the equipment to teach round offs.

Tryharder · 28/07/2015 20:15

Yes she was rude but TBH you overreacted. It was what I call a low scale rude comment - she didn't say anything majorly awful, just sounds like an 8 year old!

Either ignore it or retort joking "yes I am the meanest mum in the world, making you hold your bike for a whole minute, your life must be sooooo hard'

The whole going home immediately and not talking the whole evening would be how I would punish a major act of disobedience or naughtiness not what was rather a silly comment.

Oldraver · 28/07/2015 20:16

Put her in a club by all means but I would clamp down on the answering back.

Have you told her its unacceptable to speak to you like that before you ignored her ? Does she know she has been out of order ?

ppolly · 28/07/2015 20:17

You are not being unreasonable at all. Hopefully she will have a good time and you will get a break. I've just booked my dd into a tennis day as she is an extovert and I'm an introvert and 6 weeks together is just too much. She gets lonely in the holidays.

Original poster

hadenoughoftheholsalready · 28/07/2015 20:37

It wasn't just the comment over holding the bike. There was a build up and warnings given. I have spoken to her about her behaviour and consequences until I'm exhausted by it. She's an ANGEL at school. We've done tick charts, reward charts etc. Nothing works She'll be ok for a while then it all starts again. I literally could not speak to her when we got home today, I had no reserves left. Dh has spoken to her and she's written me a note saying sorry and promising to not do it again and whereas in the past I'd go all mushy over it, now I know better. She will do it again. Probably an overreaction to say I'm devastated, but I am. There's no underlying problem. She hit her 8th Birthday and got an attitude. I love every hair on her head and crave to spend time with her but after her behaviour lately I don't want to be around her

OP posts:

Ragwort · 28/07/2015 20:55

I sympathise with you - I have a teenager who is equally rude and dismissive of me ............. it's the relentless of it - they apologise, and despite different 'punishments' ........... it happens again and again and again.

When my DS was that age he did lots of different holiday activities, and loved it ....... but he refuses to do any organised activities now he is older.

Have you told her its unacceptable to speak to you like that before you ignored her ? Does she know she has been out of order ?

I have told my DS it is unacceptable, talked about respect for other people, etc etc etc. He knows how to behave (all my friends tell me, unprompted, that he is the politest teenager they know) - it's just that at home he clearly believes he can be rude and hurtful to me.

Minicaters · 28/07/2015 21:27

Nah, book her into camp. Just a couple of days per week or fortnight will give you both a bit of space and knacker her out.

But also, if you haven't already, ask her to write a list of what she wants to do. My 8 year old is much more amenable if she sees her own ideas included.

Bonsoir · 28/07/2015 21:32

Summer camp (day or residential) is an excellent idea. Our DC have been to loads of summer camps in lots of countries and are much the better for it!

Original poster

hadenoughoftheholsalready · 28/07/2015 22:00

Thanks all. I always thought holiday camps were just for working parents but can see now that they're good for any child during the long summer holidays. She's like an only child really as there's a large gap between her and our other two so maybe she's needing to socialise more and do more structured activities organised by people more fun than me!! . Our local day camp looks excellent and has glowing reviews so I think we'll give it a go one day a week to give us both a break. Thanks again.

OP posts:

ReallyTired · 29/07/2015 09:19

SAHM parents have more choice over holiday camps than working parents. Most SAHM don't want childcare 8am to 6pm. Often 3 or 4 hours is just enough to stop the child getting ridicolously bored without costing a fortune.

Don't see it as childcare, see it as education.

Bonsoir · 29/07/2015 09:22

I agree that summer camps exist on a spectrum from 100% childcare (for parents' benefit) to 100% education (for DCs' benefit) and everything in between. It's worth sizing up what's on offer with that in mind.

Original poster

hadenoughoftheholsalready · 29/07/2015 10:38

Thanks. I've found a day camp that does cookery sessions - her very favourite thing so she's really excited about going. It's £18 for 8am-6pm but she'll probably do 9-5 ish. Great value when you consider how much you can spend on a day out just on parking and ice creams!

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/07/2015 10:44

You are pretty much describing my summer holiday so far. I'm glad you booked her into a camp I'd do the same of I could have done. funnily enough dd is also 8.

takeinyourhen · 29/07/2015 10:51

If you have a Kings Camp nearby, you can get 20% off if you quote code F&F025 when you book.

My DS is going to our local one 5 days a week though I work just 3 days as he has such a good time!

Original poster

hadenoughoftheholsalready · 29/07/2015 11:14

Thanks takeinyourhen but they don't have one in my area. The camp I've booked her into do a discount for booking early so I'll be more prepared next time

OP posts:

TheoriginalLEM · 29/07/2015 11:18

Sounds like a good plan, although you do realise you are rewarding her for her bad behaviour don't you TBH my 10yo is much the same. I am considering a week at forrest school. She is bored, thats all.

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