Nursing degree and single mum to a toddler?

[thegreenbackboogie]

I'm contemplating doing a nursing degree when DD will be 3yo. I don't have support in terms of family and I'm also a single mum.

Would I be unreasonable to do this while she's so little and would it mean missing out on her growing up too much?

I'm a SAHM at the moment but as much as I love DD with all my heart, I need to study/work to stay sane. I just don't want to 'abandon' her at the same time.

Feeling depressed about it all

Thanks for your words of encouragement everyone

When someone posts a downside I think no way, I can't do it, but then the good seems to outweigh the bad! So many people manage and I don't see why I can't too. I'm a very organised person so I feel like I would manage OK. I think when it happens it will click into place whereas at the moment I'm just coming up with loads of 'ifs' and 'buts' so I think I need to be a bit more positive.

I'm actually hoping to do the same OP. DD will be 2.5 when I start and I'm just looking into all the childcare options now as I have precious little support. With the aid of a very good nursery that provides wrap around care, at least one source of family support (parents, exP) and a couple of local child minders willing to step in when all else fails, you can definitely do it.

So, for example, the nursery my DD will be in provides care 8am-6pm. So shifts within those times are covered for me. My DM and her partner would be happy to drop DD off at nursery if I start my shift earlier than 8 or pick her up if I finish later. They're willing to have her overnight when I'm required to do night shifts but wouldn't want to have her for a full week while I worked...but that's fine as I could drop her at nursery for 6 hours or so while I sleep, then spend the afternoon and evening with her before my next shift. Having thought about it, 12 hour shifts would be preferable for me as it'd give me more day time hours with DD and I don't need much sleep anyway. Child minders would be on standby for emergencies.

So, think about how you'd get childcare for all imaginable shift patterns and work from there.

It's also a good idea to speak to the universities you're considering. There are two in my area that provide the course I want but one is very rigid with placements (there are 3 hospitals I would definitely have to travel to, 2 ages away from me, and shifts aren't really negotiable) and the other has a reputation for being as flexible as possible and considerate to the practicalities of family life. I won't even be applying for the more rigid one.

Good luck

Go for it!

I personally know single mums who have done it. Three of them had toddlers. They had

• a childminder who offered flexible times
• parents who were able to do childcare
• negotiate short days (early or lates) instead of long days all the time
• ex partner to do childcare (but some can be unreliable at times)
• work hard and keep your nose clean instead of being unreliable- this will put you in good stead with your hospital mentor

When you qualify as a nurse, you can do 23 hrs which is normally two shifts a week (long days or nights) then you can have 5 days with your daughter. :)

Oh, two of the single mums I mentioned above have recently been promoted to a Band 6 position.

Follow your dreams.

I agree that you should go for it :) the long term pay off of having a job you enjoy will be worth it.

What's the plan for shifts once you qualify? Two of my BFFs are nurses, one is a band 5 and her shifts are all over the place with a two week rota so not much notice. The other did an extra year and is a band 6 health visitor, works 8-4 Monday Friday. Ideal.

Ps. I'm a single mum to an 18 mo, I work full time and study a distance learning degree in the evenings. 'Dad' has never seen baby but my parents and grandparents are very generous with their time and my BFF has also helped in times of childcare crisis.
Of course it's difficult, but if you study/work hard, fill your 1:1 toddler time with enjoyment and laughter and, above all, enjoy every aspect of your circumstances as much as possible you can do it

OP as you already have a degree, you could do the post graduate which is 2 years rather than 3. However, they prefer your first degree to be in a relevant subject. I'm a mental health nurse (not degree level though as I'm an old git and did the traditional training) and our post grad students have degrees in for example sociology or psychology.

You need to have a robust childcare support network in place. Rota's for students are often not done until the last minute and some placements don't take to kindly to students dictating what they want to work.

Also you need to think about after you qualify. Unless you find a job that is M-F 9-5pm - you will be doing shift work - BH, Christmas etc. Are you prepared to not see your DD open her presents?

Some places are fantastic. Where I work we are family friendly but no-one is allowed to come in dictating what they can or can not work. The hours are also reviewed on a yearly basis and can be refused. For example - I have worked the same hours since DS2 went to school. This year they were refused as they want more people to work later in the evening. The fact I have a child with SEN is irrelevant to their organisation,

Don't be put off - but be realistic with what you are going to be able to do. Maybe contact the local hospital and find out what their shift pattern is and then see what childcare you can get that would cover it.

Best of luck

Are you prepared to not see your DD open her presents?

Oh come on! The time to open presents can be very flexible in a family if needs be!

As a long time qualified nurse I wouldn't go into nursing again. Simply because I haven't found it to be a career particularly conducive to family life in the long term. Unsocial hours, taking turns at working Xmas day, non existent flexible working, the physical and mental demands of the job etc. I'm sure it's perfectly doable with help to complete your training with a small child, but the juggling continues long after you're qualified.
Sorry to be negative. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Aspie of course I wouldn't be OK with not being home on Christmas day while she's little.

In my mind I suppose I'm hoping that my hours would somehow fit around family life once I'm qualified but is that wishful thinking?

I suppose it depends what you want to do with your degree. A ward needs to be staffed at all times, so ward nurses will have to be open to working Christmas and bank holidays, evenings, etc. A nurse in a GP practice will probably have more family-friendly hours.

Well, there are certainly some jobs around with no nights or weekends. My last FT job was in Sexual Health, and our shifts just had to cover 8-8 Mon-Fri (but Saturdays were being introduced when I left). Many of the more traditional Mon-Fri jobs such as Community, Out Patients or GP Surgeries are increasingly having to cover longer hours and some weekends. Front line health care is generally not family friendly hours unfortunately. If it really is your dream then why not go for it - but just don't expect that when you qualify the juggling of childcare suddenly stops.

I had to give up nurse training when i became a single parent, as the night shifts were non negotiable. Good luck if you can make it work

Still trying to weigh up people's positive and negative experiences of balancing nursing and family life! I'm feeling hopeful but also slightly worried that nothing else seems to appeal to me apart from nursing so if I don't do it then I doubt I'll be happy in terms of jobs/career.

I'm lucky that I have a supportive ex but not so lucky in that I don't have any family members such as grandparents who could take care of her if needs be. I think I'm just going to have to wait and see when the time comes as to whether I can do it or not. I really, really hope I can!

What is it that appeals about nursing? Science, caring, the idea of helping?

Have you thought about the allied professions- scientist (biochemist, haematologist, research) radiographer, dietician, pharmacist, nutritionist, audiologist, speech therapist?

There's lots out there which don't have such demanding shift patterns, if you choose not to.

I recently went to a talk at uni with a friend and they were very strict to point out that children and travel issues are not considered when doing placements and you would have to be able to be up to an hour away at 7am if needed. I think that kind of shiftwork is only possible with extensive family help or a partner with regular hours. Eg if you don't have that, how would you work nights?. If you do have it then it may well be possible. Many trainees work 3 long days.

Another option is to consider allied health professions which may have less shift work and have full uni holidays, some even have part time programmes. Eg physiotherapy, OT, podiatry, orthotics, radiography etc. Many of these are just as rewarding with hands on care and also NHS funded.

Micah all 3 of those things appeal to me about nursing but mainly caring and helping people is why I want to do it. I lost my mum to cancer and it was at that point that I realised it was what I wanted to do but was too nervous to go for it.

I would be interested in radiography too but wouldn't that be similar in terms of how demanding it is?

Thanks jellybeans I think I would enjoy radiography and OT. I don't think physiotherapy would suit me. I will look into those 2 though.

So you think they would be more family friendly?

Look into it, but generally those sort of things are outpatient, non emergency, so more 9-5.

There can be some shift work if you choose to, but generally the rotas are easier because you only need one cover staff, not a whole department. Often it can be done on call, so you can go home, or sleep in an on call room so childcare is more do able the following day.

If cancer is something you are interested in pharmacists can specialise in chemotherapy or pain management, radiologists in radiotherapy, or diagnosis, and dieticians in patient nutrition. Lab scientist check the biopsies and tests. There are also jobs running clinical trials for new drugs etc.

Lots!

Thanks Micah that's really helpful

Will look into it in more detail tomorrow. Would love to be a pharmacist but not sure I have the brains!

OTs also work in cancer care. Yes I think the roles you mention are better family friendly hours. I know a radiographer who did work shifts in emergency care but now has a 8-4 job. Many OTs are 8-4, although some are a 7 day service, I know lots who work 8-4/part time. The training for these is also more likely to be daytime hours and at the universities I looked round (went to talks for various healthcare roles/degrees) had part time courses (1.5-2 days a week although placements may be full time) & also they get traditional holidays off compared with nursing students.

Worth looking into? Also worth contacting your local hospital and asking if you can shadow an OT/radiographer for the day or meet to discuss the role, many trusts have these opportunities.