It is realistic to be a SAHM on a household income of £38K, right?

[KnitFastDieWarm]

I was brought up on a tiny fraction of that amount by my student-at-the-time parents and I seem to have turned out ok - so I think the answer is a firm yes, unless DH and I start bathing in champagne or something but I've had a few people look askance at me. Am I being naive?

Situation- DS1 is due in November. DH makes £38,000 a year. I make less than £20K full time (professional job, but in one of those delightful media fields that can get away with paying peanuts because everyone wants to do it, apparently ). I like my job but I'm not especially career-focussed. Because of the nature of my work being pretty location-flexible, I'm hoping to be able to take a year or so completely off and then do some freelance work from home. It would cost an absolute bloody fortune to put DC in anything approaching full time childcare so this seems like a good option, on the face of it at least!

We own our own home in the south-west which DH can cover on his salary, no problem. He is very happy for me to SAHM when dc is small so no issues there.

Am I actually being unrealistic here? Or am I just talking to people who consider anything less than four foreign holidays a year to be the brink of desperate poverty and/or who live in London?

(Also crap media-ish salary, which meant 2x nursery was unsustainable.)

We are gender reversed in our roles but I earn a similar salary to your DP and we cope fine on that single wage - we can't afford school holiday time holidays abroad and we run old cars - but it's absolutely do-able. Do though consider if you could manage to meet any mortgage payments if interest rates rise.

And as you say, were you to work full time you wouldn't have much extra household income after paying for childcare - and certainly not if you were to have a 2nd child with a small age gap.

But, if this is your first child, it would give you more flexibility to not leave your job in Oct/Nov - take your maternity leave and use this time to try out being a SAHM - you might find after a few months at home that you would actually like to go back to work - or work part time. And you might love being at home and hate the thought of going back to work. And if you save all your maternity pay you can test out your new budget - and have the money to hand to pay any back to work that would be owed if you decided to not return.

Think too about your long term working hopes - lots of people do find that it's so hard to get back into the workplace at the level they were before they had children after a long break out of the workplace. So becoming a SAHM now might be a permanent move.

You might be happy taking a long break and returning to something less career focused or maybe even retraining for a new career. Or you might decide it would be best for you and your family in the long term to say in your area of work and work part time whilst your DC(s) are little and then go back up to more hours when they are bigger.

If you don't have family nearby it can be really hard managing everything with both parents at work - when DC are too ill for childcare, getting to medical appointments etc etc - having a stay at home parent can really help make life less stressful for the whole family.

I know I've answered more than you asked - you might have thought about all of this already - but just trying to cover a few more things to think about if you haven't.

I'm sure it's totally doable if you live in a cheaper area of the country. Do also bear in mind that children get more expensive as they get older. Although it feels expensive buying baby equipment, ongoing baby costs are pretty low compared with the cost of feeding, clothing and entertaining an older child, taking them on holiday in school holidays etc.

So yes, try out living on your dh's salary. Then think about potentially more or less doubling your food bill, buying school shoes, paying for clubs etc. You obviously don't have to fork out for all of that straightaway but you might want to factor it into a longer term plan.

We did it (albeit on a bit more money but a big income drop for us) I enjoyed being at home with the dcs and don't regret it at all but in hindsight, I think both of us working part time would have been a better solution for our family. I was very focussed on how I was going to give up work and perhaps should have given more thought to how I would start it up again

It depends on your outgoings and what kind of lifestyle you have really. My dh earns a similar amount to yours but we would not manage on one salary. We do have 4 kids though and we like to have a decent holiday once a year and days out and eat out once a month etc. It's also important to me to have the security of two jobs in the household as my dh's job often seems to be under threat of redundancy and I couldn't cope with the stress of possibly losing our home if that were to happen. Also if I had taken a few years off as a sahm my career would probably have sufferred significantly.

We did, but then we live up North and our mortgage repayments were peanuts compared to the South and we had no other debts. We managed two holidays a year and ran two cars.

We've moved house since and DH got a job paying twice as much but weirdly we seem to have a lot less money. So I would say it all depends on your outgoings. When you say you 'own your own house' do you mean outright? If so, it's definitely do-able.

There is a big difference between £38k and £58k so you will definitely notice it.

I became a SAHM after my second child after I found it a struggle to work and juggle childcare around two dc in different schools at different times. However I'm glad I went back after my first maternity leave.

I think your quite right and it is perfectly doable and to maintain a good standard of living. We are also in the South West and up until 18 months ago I was the main breadwinner 36K and DH 26K. Our DD is now 8 so we had all the childcare costs etc when she was younger and then the childminder once she started school.
About 18 months ago I left the safe/ secure public sector and moved into the private sector but only doing 12-14 hrs a week on less income approx 10K. Therefore making our joint income 36K. We have obviously saved on childcare, I am now just below the tax threshold and therefore everything I earn except a small pension contribution goes straight in my pocket. Our work life balance is soooo much better and less stressful.
You cut your cloth accordingly so to speak - I am a pretty savvy shopper anyway and never pay full price if there is a discount code to be found. I still manage to clothe my daughter in Boden and Joules by using sales and codes ( I like quality). We use Tesco points for family meals out ie: Prezzo / Ask. School holidays take advantage of kids club cinema etc.
I can honestly say that with a little bit of adjustment we have not really noticed a 26K drop in annual income. More time means that you have the time to Christmas shop in July for example Radley Handbag for mum £89 in John Lewis sale and put away for Christmas whereas previously would have gone in December one day shopping and spent double.
Good luck whatever you decide.

It is doable if your mortgage is small enough. but there is a tipping point within each household where managing on not much can easily tip over into barely scraping by.

I was a sahm with OH earning 1/3 of that. Of course it's doable if you can pay your bills etc

Totally doable. We manage on less although we're in Scotland so not such a high cost of living. We paid off lots of debt while I was pregnant including our 0% interest sofa just to reduce our monthly outgoings by the time baby was here.

I think we're actually better off than we were before as lots of our outgoings before on the social side - pubs, restaurants, cinema etc - are drastically reduced. We still eat out but it tends to be lunch now and I have a tastecard and hilife card and make use of discount websites so we rarely pay full whack if we are out. As I'm at home I enjoy walking to the shops and I tend to be more careful what I buy when I have to carry it back (well, fit it under the buggy). I shop a lot in Aldi so take advantage of lots of their special offers to save a wee bit more. I also stocked up on lots of my fancy toiletries and make up while I was still working to save money and I now have a wee stockpile that I top up when I get my No7 vouchers through and keep an eye out for when Boots have specials on like 241 or extra points rather than buying when I need to and having to pay full price.

I think you'll manage fine but it will take a few months to find your feet. I'd hold off quitting your job though and have your mat leave as a trial run to see how it goes.

We do it on £28k a year. we have to budget etc but actually find it really doable

We tested it out by saving all of my salary as soon as I knew I was pregnant. We then had a bit put by for dipping in to

We did this too. Actually we did it before TTC as we are fairly compulsive planners. Before the baby arrives make sure you can live on one salary with a margin put aside for interest rate changes/new car/boiler failing etc. It also has the benefit that you have more in savings when the baby does arrive.

What's your mortgage like?

We have 4 kids and survive on the same money. We make our own fun! Picnics, paddling in steams, walks with friends, baking, socialising. We eat lots of chickpeas and lentils, the kids wear hand me downs and holidays are mostly uk but we are happy.

I guess also we don't own lots of gadgets or mindlessly fritter cash away.

It's a bit of a 'how long is a piece of string' question. Totally depending on your outgoings really. It's totally doable in some parts of the country and out of the question in others.

We live on a couple grand less with one child, but we live in Devon and are not fussed about luxuries or gadgets. It's perfectly possible, but it all depends on various factors.

We do it on 30k. Mortgage is £600 a month ish.
Totally doable, but obviously we don't have foreign holidays, a fancy car, expensive trips out, new clothes that aren't in the sales, or lots of "stuff" generally. We manage ok but there's no contingency fund and no savings.

I find that people who earn a lot more than us still end up broke at the end of the month because they have two cars, eat out, have a cleaner, have "stuff" generally (ipads or whatever), go on holiday, get their nails done...etc. You cut your cloth, don't you. We're happy and that's what matters.

Watching with interest, isn't the median household income 40K

It's doable.

Dh earns 38k and earned much less when I first started as a SAHM 8 years ago.

We have a small mortgage of £180 a month and have 2 cars but they were bought outright so no finance etc. Dh works 40 minutes commute away.

We also live in Scotland but not in middle of nowhere and in commutable distance of Edinburgh and Glasgow.

We have 2 kids who are 8 and almost 5 and live in a 4 bedroom detached new build.

We mostly holiday in the UK and usually on cheap deals.

We don't go out socialising much but do have days out and have takeaways now and again.

We don't have any savings and stuff needs done to the house that we can't afford to do....

Another factor is that you don't yet know if you'd actually like being a SAHM to small DC: lots of women don't.

And lots do of course! But you don't necessarily know how you'll find it beforehand, or even when maternity leave.

Stillwish - where did you get that from? I thought average household income was much less than 40k, but I could be wrong. I always thought we, on 30k, were dead average.

OP we have managed to raise 3 dc and pay mortgage and other essentials enjoying the odd luxury on one min wage salary. Of course it's possible even in the SW on your dh income.
The trick is to do without credit/ any type of debt other than your mortgage.
Keeping the outgoings to a minimum or budgeting makes this easy.

I earn slightly less than that and DH is a SAHD. We're not southeast, but are within an hour or so of London, so not in a particularly cheap area. For us it's completely doable, and I'm finding that we're actually still saving money. We did have lots of savings to start with, however, and I think that this has helped mentally, knowing we have a fallback position if needed. We don't have holidays abroad because we like staying in the UK and we only have one car, but we've always been like that, so it's no hardship.