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Have I missed the boat?...any advice welcome.

10 replies

Alfasaurus · 28/07/2015 11:18

Hi everyone,
I'm in a SAHM with a 19 mo who has struggled to make mum friends.

We had a difficult start and I must admit I stayed home and held onto him for a few months! but I thought we would make friends when we were ready. We did meet a lovely lady who I am still in touch with but she has moved away. Apart from that I have found the mum community a bit closed and it's hard to get in! There are lots of groups and couples trotting round and I have chatted away and swapped numbers with many women, but feel a bit rebuffed. If I try to organise something, I am ignored or see them once and then see them with other friends having not been invited. It makes me sad for my lovely little boy.

Did I miss out by not being around early enough? Or am I missing a trick? Am I a big weirdo? (Possibly) not trendy enough?

Would love to hear from other mums who had the same experiences. Or to receive any advice!


OP posts:

User100 · 28/07/2015 11:27

To too late, we moved when our DC was younger than that - your unlikely to make friends just meeting them once though, try toddler groups / classes where you can see the same people every week and you will build up friendships over time.


MillionToOneChances · 28/07/2015 11:29

See people at toddler groups a few times then invite them for a coffee. Consider volunteering for something like your local NCT committee or toddler group committee. Seeing people regularly is the way to make friends.


SrAssumpta · 28/07/2015 11:34

I made the majority of my mum friends when DD was 2 so not too late at all! is brilliant, regularly going to your local playground, local mother and toddler facebook pages and generally just getting out and about in your local area at child based things.


queenrollo · 28/07/2015 11:36

This has happened to me. We had some serious sleep issues in the first 18 months (because of a medical issue) and I was simply too tired to drive anywhere (live rurally).
In the last year i've tried so hard with toddler groups but like you feel that I missed the boat. They all have well established friendship groups and I just can't edge in at all. I have tried, really tried, to build some friendships but they just aren't interested.


FunnyNameHere · 28/07/2015 11:41

It's NEVER too late! And don't forget you will meet LOTS of friends when your DC start school.

In the meantime, do what a PP said and sign up/volunteer for everything!! And maybe join a regular paid club, like TumbleTots or Gymboree or swimming lessons. You'll meet the same mums every week at that and will definitely get a chance to chat and bond.

It's nothing to do with trendiness.


horsewalksintoabar · 28/07/2015 11:49

I think mum groups don't happen as easily as it seems. I found myself too knackered to be part of any mums group. And most mums I know admit the same. I think the first two years are about keeping our heads above water. Believe me you will have YEARS of social bonding in the form of school. You'll want to draw the curtains and hide at times, believe me. I exchange numbers with mums in parks but never call them, ever. I am too tired, too busy, but well intended. If your local church has a play group in the hall, do go. I find this a great way of getting out with my youngest, having a chat with mums with no strings attached, no obligations.


Reubs15 · 29/07/2015 08:59 is brilliant, that's how I've met all my friends as I don't have a car to get to baby groups! Now there's about 6 mums in my village and we're all really good friends Smile xx


queenrollo · 29/07/2015 12:02

One of the problems if you live somewhere like me is that things like Tumbletots etc just aren't an option as they don't run them...and where they DO have clubs like this it's limited numbers. You put your name down but it's often set up by one of a group and then all their little clique automatically get dibs on places.
I went to my local village toddler group, and ones further afield but it's so feudal round here that you just don't get a look in. They are incredibly suspicious of anyone new. I'm pretty thick skinned and went along regardless because it was a chance to get out of the house and let my DS play - but eventually the quite deliberate cold shouldering just got too much for me. There are few things as lonely as sitting in a room full of people for 2 hours and no-one wanting to engage in even the tiniest of chit-chat.

I've met a couple of people via NCT, but not by attending the coffee mornings because's a close knit little group and if you don't fit a certain 'type' you just don't get included.

I have loads of non-mum friends locally but they all work, so it's not that I have no friends - just that during the week it would be nice to have someone else with little ones to spend a bit of time with.


nearlyteatime101 · 29/07/2015 12:14

There are few things as lonely as sitting in a room full of people for 2 hours and no-one wanting to engage in even the tiniest of chit-chat --- totally agree. I once left library story time nearly in tears because of this. I managed to wait until I was home but still humiliating. I can't think of any advice, but remember that there is likely someone feeling exactly the same as you so just try to chat if you can. At least if it doesn't cheer you up you may brighten someone else's day!


Alfasaurus · 29/07/2015 14:07

Hi thanks for the advice everyone, i see its not just me! It is so hard to break in.But i will keep trying for my little one. Be wonderful to see him running round with a little chum, and I need a companion too. Just one, i dont need a mum gang, thats greedy. Queenrollo, I'd rather you werent going through this but thank you for sharing. I do find its the case that friends use these toddler groups as mini meetups and I usually spend the time running round like pied piper playing with the children! Its fun but not friendmaking. If I am feeling a bit lonely or glum before I go in its worse and can cut you low for the day. To be fair, a few ladies do want to chat but then I feel guilty leaving my little one. (He has a knack of falling off something if I look away as well!) So I would say the odds are stacked for this method, for me too. I will try volunteering for something definitely. And yes, I have found library rhyme time particularly isolating. Its a strange phenomenon!

OP posts:
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