To have just realised

[DoeEyedNear]

When people say "can you help me with..." what they actually mean is "can you do this for me?"

Or is it just people I encounter?

Friend a) can you help with my garden please, I can't do any digging or bending...

Friend b) can you help me with my DLA forms please? I can't do forms and you know what you're talking about so OK if I bring them round?

You sound resentful OP, is that the case?

I quite like helping my friends.

One of them said 'Can you help me with child care this week?' I was pretty sure she didn't mean join her and help her look after her DC, she must mean she wants me to look after them alone. Oh well, I will find out for sure on Wednesday!

It's blindingly obvious that it means the same thing. How can you have just realised or is English not your first language?

I don't mind helping. As in helping them by working through something with them. Or if they out and out say 'can you watch the kids for me' then yes fine.

It's the double handed nature of asking for help when actually you want it done for you that gets me a bit

It's politeness, not sneakiness :)

I don't do anything unless I want to. That way I don't feel resentful.

If someone says' could you, blah blah etc and I don't want to, I just say 'no'

They have a right to ask and I have a right to say 'yes' or 'no'

Yabu. It's just politeness. They aren't asking you to help because they can't be arsed, it's because it's something they can't easily do themselves.
If they were saying 'yo motherfucker, get the God damn garden done already while I sit on my ass and watch you toil' you might have a point.

YANBU - poorly phrased. For those who can't see the difference...if your DC asks you to help them with their homework, do you just do it for them?

Oh my!!!

If someone can't do something and you do it for them it's still helping them out isn't it?

It's just different variations on a phrase!!

Mountains and molehills spring to mind.

I'd never dream of sitting there thinking 'well actually (friend a), you don't want help, you want me to do it for you which is entirely different' :-S