to be unsure what to say to my depressed friend about her gender disappointment. Is this common?

[DangerGrouse]

I visited a friend today who has awful depression and I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do/say to help her. She's pregnant with her third child which she's just found out is another boy (she already has two boys) and she confided to me that she's really upset about it. I had no idea what to say to her as there's not a lot she can do about it really is there?? She said she always dreamed of having a daughter and now she won't be able to have one. She says she loves her sons but was really hoping this one will be a girl. (She can't afford any more after this)
I've never seen her so low and I'd really like to help her so I need some help in what to say. To make matters worse I actually have a daughter which I now feel awkward about having round her.
Has anyone been in this position and what did you do?
Ps This isn't just her being a bit fed up - she looked bloody suicidal I'm really worried about her...!

Aw bless her, op all you can really do is be there for her and comfort her. She can't change the babies sex but he will be as precious as any child.
Have you looked at any free counselling in your area? Gp can refer her but there's a 4-6week waiting list.

My SIL had 3 boys and went on to have a 4th. She was desperate for it to be a girl and was really low through the pregnancy.Once he arrived she was absolutely fine.He is very different in personality to the others and she loves him to bits. At the time there wasn't anything anyone could say to make her feel better and often when we tried she would just get tearful. I think you will have to ride the storm with her and once he is born she will love him.

Emilia. Gender disappointment is very real. It's not a case of just "Getting the over it". I don't have imagine. You don't honestly think for one second. Let alone, one minute that op's friend enjoys feeling like this, do you.
Op. The only thing you can do is let her talk. You can hardly change the gender of her baby can you.
There could be a chance they have it wrong though. I mean don't tell your friend that. As you would not want to hold out any false hope, but I know someone who was blessed with 3 boys and was told she was having another boy. She said she had a tinge of disappointment but reasoned. Look you're going to have 4 gorgeous sons be happy with it. Anyway she was booked in for a c/section and gave birth to a girl. Can you imagine her delight. She kept saying to the MW. I don't believe you. You're lying to me. So they have been known to get it wrong. Granted it doesn't happen often but it's definitely not unheard of.
I do know one thing though. Whatever gender a women is graced with. The minute they place that tiny trusting gorgeous innocent bundle in your arms. And it is not the gender you were hoping for. All that. Oh I want a boy/girl will just go out the window.

It's great that your friend has someone she feels she can open up to about this without being judged, you must be a good friend OP. Everyone is different, but when I found out I was having a third boy, I wasn't upset about a third boy but I was upset that I would never have a daughter and almost grieved for all the experiences I would never have with a daughter. I had a miscarriage between ds2&3 (which I thought was a girl - felt totally different) so I think that compounded the feelings of grief iyswim.
Before anyone jumps on me I KNOW how selfish and ridiculous this sounds but that is how I felt. My best friend is struggling with infertility so I felt guilty to be being such a princess about a healthy pregnancy. All these emotions coupled with pregnancy hormones meant I was a bit of a mess throughout my pregnancy. Only my dh knew, and could do nothing to help other than listen.
For me as soon as he was born he was my baby and I loved him, but I didn't feel the bond until he was here.
Just be there, listen, try not to judge and help her ride out the pregnancy. Please don't hide your daughter away from your friend, try to be yourself as much as possible so she keeps talking to you.