To not announce my pregnancy until after my 12 week scan?

[Spicysugars]

Hello, myself and OH have decided not to tell anyone else (including parents), about this baby until after the 12 weeks scan, when we know everything is okay, fx, and we have a lovely little picture to show.

I've voiced this to my midwife since she asked today, and she believes I'm being unreasonable considering my age and the fact it wasn't planned.

I can understand this, since I'm only 17 (18 before bubba arrives), and OH is just 21, but I still believe it's reasonable to announce our news when I feel comfortable to, since 1. We're both adults who have our own place and work, and 2. Neither of us will be expecting or needing financial assistance, although a little emotional and loving support will of course be lovely (like every other new parent could do with).

Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

As I say, it would be quite different if I was financially and emotionally dependant on my family, but I'm not and I think it's okay to have a bit of privacy for now.

Thank you x

I'd do what you want.

I had some very bad reactions to announcing pg from family which threw me -as I was late 20s independent financially for quite a while and married thought everyone would be pleased.

It helped me to know we were past highest miscarriage risk for first pg- as I had one family member go on and on about such risks almost gleefully.

I know people who had miscarriages who found it very hard everyone asking how pg was going and or saying wrong thing when told about mc.

I think the MW is making quite a few assumptions about you and your situation - I suspect smile and nod and do what you want is best way of dealing with it.

Oh yes - we told parents at 12 weeks but asked then to wait till after second scan to tell other people and wider family - as other close family members had problems discovered at 20 week scans.

They didn't wait - they told everyone.

Congratulations. It's totally your choice, of course and it's a double edged sword. I told people before 12 weeks in all our pregnancies bar the last. I did have some losses and was pleased of the support. Others may not feel that way though.

I told my parents straight away, but we waited to tell DH's parents. I'm not very good at keeping my lips sealed on these sorts of things!

Do what you feel is best!
And as for your midwife's opinion, she can butt out lol. Besides, your life isn't going to change immediately - you have 9 months to prepare and seek all the financial support you need. The only thing that changes now is your dietry needs for your baby! And that's all that matters :) You'll have plenty of time in the next few months to do all the other crazy things.
I'm 5 and a half months pregnant :)

Good luck and congratulations!!

You are correct it is your choice and your decision to make.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but it sounds like your midwife is making some significant assumptions and judgement about your capabilities based on nothing other than your age. Can I make a suggestion that you pop in a letter to her (copy in the midwifery services manager as well) just highlighting how presumptive this is, be clear none emotional but firmly state that you just like many other women should not be pressured and assumptions based on your age with regard to ability should not be made. It's discriminatory, highlight in it that you are not a child you are an independent adult with your own home and full time employment and a supportive partner and nobody should be pressuring you to disclose to parents as if you were an errant child.

This serves two purposes, one it may make her rethink about pressuring adults and two it gives you something in writing that highlights her attitude towards you on the off chance she chooses to decide your not willing to engage with professional advice and starts writing things like that in your notes.

Congratulations, OP

I think I agree with NeedsAsockamnesty. It might help to have it on record exactly why you are disagreeing with the midwife's advice, and I have no doubt, given your posts here, that you could write something suitable.

My midwife thinks they should all know because she says given my age, I'm likely to need a lot of practical support.

Not telling people until the 12 week scan won't make a bit of difference to what practical support you get, since you're not going to need it (If you do need it) until near the birth. So the MW is being presumptious.

Thank you to all the advice and replies, very insightful.

ChinaPig, thank you I've taken it upon myself to grant myself your words as a compliment lol